[Peanutbear3]

I met a guy 6 weeks ago at a mutual friend’s wedding, we hooked up. I wasn’t expecting to hear from him again as I live 4 hours away (he is from my home town). But, the next day he face booked me and after that we were messaging long messages (Essays) 2-3 times a day. We are 32 and I am cautious of longdistance, so was going with the flow.

I was home 4 weeks after we met and we met again, I stayed at his and he was cuddling all night and the next day. When his friend (my mate also) came home, he continued to hold me on the couch. We continued the messages, but I felt there was something else. I wasn’t sure if I was being insecure, as I have been messed around a lot in the past. So, a few days later I mentioned I’d be home in 2 weeks if he wanted to meet again.

Then the shit hit the fan. He met girl who is 24 who lives transatlantic 8 months ago, they are not exclusive. She visited in January and he is going there at the end of March, this second trip was arranged shortly after our initial meeting. He says he is more realsitic of what this may be than she is, but she still wanted him to visit, so he is. He likes her, but doesn’t know what it is or where it will go. We ended up talking a lot (too much in my opinion for where we were in terms of getting to know each other). Bottom line is we are leaving it ‘for now’. I told him he needs to get his head straight. He does like me, but he too has been scarred by long distance, albeit he admits that is what he is doing with this girl.

Mutual friends couch he is not a player and when he dates a girl he is normally spending a lot of time with her, he doesn’t like long distance. I was truly going with the flow, knowing in 3 months I will be moving to only 2 hours away. But, i did see potential. Mutual friends are shocked by his behaviour and confused by his messages, saying he seems confused about this girl, me and our distance. This all just snowballed.

My questions are:

(1) if he liked her and saw a real future, why would he stay in such contact with me, so consistently and pursue me – not just shook up and a text maybe once or twice a week. To me this is the start of getting to know someone, more than a simple hookup. And dangerous territory to play with friends of friends.

(2) We are well suited, it didn’t shock friends we got together at all. If he truly likes me and feels we connected, is it easy for guys to turn off. Will he go meet this girl, spend a glorious loved up holiday time with her and forget about me.

I havent been in contact since his last text. he said he would probably regret this, I do believe he is a nice guy and both our heads are melted and relationships are never straightforward, this just got too intense too quickly. I just wonder, is there any hope?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you’re jumping the gun. For now, the two of you seem to have hooked up twice — or maybe hooked up once and had a date that was a sleepover, and he’s being very clear that he’s dating other people, so as not to lead you on. Your feelings are different than his, and you’re looking for ways make his feelings be wrong, or flawed. The thing is, different people often feel different things at the same time. The trick is to find someone with whom you feel the same way at the same time. 😉 Or…. to change your own behavior to win him over.

[quote](1) if he liked her and saw a real future, why would he stay in such contact with me, so consistently and pursue me – not just shook up and a text maybe once or twice a week. To me this is the start of getting to know someone, more than a simple hookup. And dangerous territory to play with friends of friends?[/quote]

I don’t think from what you said, that he necessarily sees a ‘real future’ with her. I think he just likes both of you and he likes having long distance relationships because it gives him some freedom. I’m not sure how you mean that he’s playing with friends of friends, or how that’s dangerous. I do think gossip is always a bad idea.

[quote](2) We are well suited, it didn’t shock friends we got together at all. If he truly likes me and feels we connected, is it easy for guys to turn off. Will he go meet this girl, spend a glorious loved up holiday time with her and forget about me.[/quote]

I don’t think that the two of you have spent that much time together, and the time you have spent together doesn’t give him the impression that you’re looking for a future with someone as much as you’re looking for a good time in the moment. I don’t think he’s going to forget you, but I don’t think that after a wedding hook up and one date where you stayed over, there’s enough between the two of you for him to turn off or on. Maybe there’s more you didn’t write but from what you did write, I think you don’t like the fact that dating is competitive, and this is really the beginning stage of a relationship — where you get to know each other and see if you want to continue dating. 😉

I hope that helps.

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