[Bluefox98]

I am currently on a break with my boyfriend . We have dated for 3 months. It was a bit awkward at first . We couldnt meet a lot due to our exams , so we chatted mostly. After about a month I really liked him a lot and my feelings grew . Then when we went for a date I felt very uncomfortable and nervous , which was very disappointing to me as I was looking forward to it. Whenever we talk face to face our conversations arent that long. Maybe its because we both are shy people. I feel kinda awkward holding hands and hugging too. But i always enjoyed our chats. He felt so perfect to me. But i dont really feel comfortable during our dates. But despite all this I still want to see him and be with him. I felt i wasnt sure of my feelings. I was really scared because i ddnt want to hurt him to the point that i cried when i told him that. But the weird part is i felt really nice when he hugged me that time . Im really confused what should i do.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to continue seeing him, why are you taking a break?

[Bluefox98]

Because I felt like i wasnt serious about him … I wasnt sure if this is how im supposed to be feeling . He suggested it make sure of my feelings.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So, it sounds like after dating for three months, you made a mistake and told him you don’t want to see him, but now you realize that even though you were feeling awkward with him, you [b]do[/b] want to go back to dating him. The problem is that you rejected him, so he may not want to get involved again and face that possible rejection a second time — especially since there wasn’t a misunderstanding, just a change of heart on your part. That’s what you’re up against. My advice is that you flirt with him and let him know you made a mistake. See if he’s still interested in dating you.

That said…. don’t get so serious so quickly! 😉 That way you won’t feel so pressured to “be in a relationship”. I always advise using the first three months of dating someone to figure out if you want to continue dating him (and for him to do the same with you). You should both be playing the field at the same time and not taking this too seriously. Use the time to explore the relationship, not pressure yourself to feel a certain way. Be a little lighter. 🙂

[Bluefox98]

Thank you I will try this out . i really want things to work out with him 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know. 🙂

[Sally]

This kind of confusion is more common than people admit. Especially when you’re shy and most of the connection has been through chatting.
What I hear is that you like him, but your body hasn’t caught up yet. Being nervous on dates, feeling awkward with touch, running out of things to say face-to-face that doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t real. It usually just means you’re anxious and putting pressure on yourself to feel a certain way. The fact that you still want to see him, and that his hug actually felt good in that moment, matters.

Three months isn’t a long time. Some connections warm up slowly in person, especially for quiet people. The real question is whether the awkwardness feels like something that could soften with time, or something that makes you tense every time.

You don’t have to force clarity right now. Take the pressure off. Go slower. If it starts to feel safer instead of heavier, that’s your answer.

[Tara]

You don’t actually want him; you want the idea of him. Online, he’s safe, controlled, and flattering. In person, there’s no chemistry, no flow, no comfort, just tension and forced interaction. That’s not “shyness.” That’s your body rejecting a situation your brain is trying to romanticize. When attraction is real, it doesn’t feel like a performance review you’re failing every time you meet.

You’re clinging because you like how it feels to be liked, not because this connection works. Crying over the idea of hurting him doesn’t mean you love him; it means you’re conflict-avoidant and terrified of being the “bad guy.” Feeling nice when he hugged you doesn’t magically override weeks of discomfort. One decent moment doesn’t cancel out a pattern of awkwardness, dread, and emotional confusion. That’s cherry-picking to avoid making a hard decision.

Stop overanalyzing your feelings like they’re a puzzle you just haven’t solved yet. They’re clear. You enjoy texting. You don’t enjoy dating him. Relationships don’t live in chat bubbles; they live face to face. If being with someone makes you anxious, stiff, and uncomfortable after three months, that’s not a slow burn. That’s incompatibility.

[Member]

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