[TIA]

My girlfriend of 10 months and I are having problems. Let me give you a quick background.

We started out the relationship great and really enjoyed spending time with each other and traveling and just doing nothing. We had so much fun together. She did mention early on that she doesn’t believe into rushing into marriage unless it’s 100% right and might never want to get married. Her parents have had troubled marriages and she views herself as an independent woman.

Well, after being together for 8 months we moved in together. We had been talking about this and she was very excited before I moved in. I have witnesses hear her talk about how excited she was and that we should get a pet, etc. We were looking for a new apartment but with my job situation and her school we decided it would be best if I move in with her. So, I make arrangements, put half of my stuff in storage and start to move in. I planned on studying to get into grad school an after I moved in so I hit the books hard the second I was settled and she knew of this. Well, the second I moved in things started to change drastically.

She no longer was excited about me moving in and starts to pull away. She starts nitpicking everything and I correct it but then she looks for something else. Then she gets laid off and is going through school stuff and it even gets worse. I question her asking if anything is wrong and she says she feels a bunch of extra pressure and needs her space. I respond with that I really care about the relationship and will be patient but please don’t take it out on me or us. I then offer to stay at a friends for a week to give her some space. I also asked her if it’s the relationship or the situation and she says she’s having trouble with the situation and not the relationship. She says she feels overwhelmed.

I come back a week later and she is still lukewarm at best. In fact she starts to get really mean. She says stuff like ‘let me know when you aren’t here’. ‘Why are you always studying here.’ ‘I don’t want to talk to you’ . She starts staying at school to late at night and doesn’t call to tell me she’s on her way home. She gets annoyed at everything. She pretty much went into zombie mode and it was if I was rooming with a total stranger. So, once again I tell her to not take it out on the relationship but If it upsets you I will go study somewhere else and will try to stay away as much as possible.

A week or two passes and she asks me to make plans to move out by the end of the second month . All of this while I’m trying to study for a test to get into grad school so I tell her let me finish studying, take the test, and I’ll make plans to move out as soon as I take the test.

I move out a week before her deadline and now I am moved in and haven’t talked to her for a week. She is finishing up her finals but through this whole thing she has never asked how I felt or thanks for accommodating her. It’s been a week and I she hasn’t even had time to text or call or anything . Every time I tried to talk to her about she said she was overwhelmed and brushed it off meanwhile it was killing me (physically and emotionally).

Should I end this because this is not my definition of a relationship at all.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Whether you end it or not — it’s over. If it makes you feel better to say or write something to her telling her it’s over is your choice, but the reality is that there is no relationship any more. It ran it’s course, and she’s not interested.

I’m sorry you’re hurt. Being rejected is painful, but it’s also a gift because it sets you free to pursue women who ARE possibly Ms. Right. The trick for you is to choose more wisely this next time around. You’d get a lot out of reading Date Out of Your League, a book I’ve written for men who are looking for a woman they haven’t been able to get yet. 😉 It’s a quick read and an automatic download that you can purchase for $14.95 at this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. Let me know if it helps — I think it will, but I like to hear back after my readers have actually read a particular book. Feedback rocks!

And join me on Facebook at my AskApril.com group page on Facebook. I hope to see you there at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[TIA]

Thanks, that’s my gut feeling too but I would confront her asking her if she still wants a relationship. She would always respond with “I do want a relationship and we can work on rebuilding it when we get through this stuff”. My point was that you can’t just be in a relationship when its convenient for you and brush it to the side when you have stress in your life.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I agree with you that you can’t just be in a relationship during the good times or the easy times. Anyone in a long term relationship knows that there are guaranteed bumps in the road that involve health, finances, family, career — even things like weather if a tornado or a fire burns down your home — there WILL be tough times, [i]guaranteed[/i]. What you want is a person who has the maturity to stick with you and stay in the game even when you’re in a losing inning. The long run is more important than the short run if you have a long term and mature commitment to each other.

Rather than confronting her head on and asking her if she wants a relationship, [i]instead[/i], dial up your dating game. Ask her out to dinner on a real date. If she goes, you’re in. If she doesn’t, you have your instincts (and mine) confirmed that this is a dead end relationship that is over in spite of her possibly hollow promises to work things out when the storm clears.

I really hope you’ll get Date Out of Your League [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url] and read it. This is an especially good time for you to re-consider your game and give it a tune up at best and an overhaul at worst. 😉

And join me on Facebook — I’d love to have you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Nancy2k7]

The most important part of knowing how to save a relationship is knowing when to start looking for problems. No relationship is completely perfect. It may be perfect in the beginning, but after you both get comfortable with each other, the “cracks” start to appear.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

All relationships have problems, but what makes a relationship work or not work is how a couple deals with their problems. This requires commitment, flexibility, compromise and the ability to stick with it. Not every person has all of these qualities all of the time, but as long as there is enough of these qualities between the two people in the relationship, things can work out. In this case, his girlfriend didn’t have any of them for him or for the relationship any more. 🙁

[Karyll Jane]

Yes, you must end that relationship and you must step back and walk away. She’s obviously doesn’t have feelings towards you. Being in a relationship is never easy, there are times that the worst situation comes in. If you both needs to sacrifice for each other. If the relationship is one-sided, it won’t work anymore. Let go and move on. Maybe you’ll find someone who’s willing to treat you well and that’s what you deserve.

[Member]

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