[Anonymous]

I have been hanging out with this girl for 5 months.we are both in our mid 30s.We first met through a mutual friend.We started hanging out casually and eventually started going out on dates.The dates then started getting more serious and more fancy.We were having a ball and just really enjoying each others company.She would call me nearly everyday and we would chat on the phone for hours,we have a lot in common and like many of the same things.It just seemed natural that we should get together.All along we never talked about us getting together or starting a relationship. Mainly because of her recent past.She had just ended a bad relationship 2 months prior to us meeting and had a really bad year that included a bakruptcy and a forclosure.Knowing this i was very carefull not too pressure her into anything.We just had a great friendship.

So everything was great,one particular night on a really fun date the subject of us came up.I told her that i really liked her and that i have been very carefull not to pressure her,she agreed that i have been very well behaved and thanked me for that.Then she told me that she really likes me and would be interested in becoming more than friends.We strolled around the city and she held my arm.That night i gave her the first good night kiss.

After that night we continued to go out on dates over the next couple weeks.I expected the affection to increase based on our chat and kiss.But even when i would reach out and try to snuggle or just be close to her i got the sense she was uncomfortable.

I finally decided to call her and just lay it all out there and find out exactly what was going on with us.I told her how i felt about her and that i really was interested in a relationship.I also said that i was just really wanting a relationshp in my life at this time and if she wan’t interested i was going to pursue another girl.I don’t know why i said that because i didn’t meen it at all,it just came out. she told me that she was interested in me but just didn’t feel she was ready because she hadn’t healed from her past year.I agreed with her and told her that i understood and was willing to be patient.She was very thankfull and i felt good about everything.

2 weeks go by and we didn’t talk as much as usual and hadn’t been out on a date until last week.She called me and was very friendly and asked if i wanted to go out for dinner.We did and had a great time.On the way home she told me she had been thinking about our conversation 2 weeks prior and said she had been thinking a lot about what i said.She brought up the fact that i said i was willing to go out and meet someone else if she wasn’t interested.Then she told me that she was just not ready and should just remain friends.She agreed that we are very compatible and she said she really gets along with me .Again i told her that i love our friendship and would be willing to wait until she felt ready.Since then we barely talk and she just has a differnt tone with me.Just not as friendly as before.Im just wondering if theres a chance things could end up working out.Or did i blow it?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you didn’t take the lead in the relationship. 😳 If you want to date a woman, you have to actually do it. Ask her on a date, pick her up, pay for dinner, take her home and kiss her good night. You didn’t send her the message through your actions that you wanted to be her boyfriend. While you did a lot of talking to her, she never felt you were boyfriend material — just good friend material. 🙁

Then when you told her that if she wasn’t interested in being more than friends you’d be moving on, you put the ball in her court, rather than appropriately stepping up YOUR game. Talking is great — sometimes — but not when it comes to taking the lead in a relationship as the guy.

Please read my book called Date Out of Your League, which will give you ALL the tips and advice you need to overcome these obstacles you seem to have tripped on in this last relationship. I think you do have a chance to win her back, but only if you change your game. This book, that you can download here, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url], will be [i]instrumental[/i] in your making this change.

Let me know if it helps. And please join me on Facebook. That link is here: [url][/url]. 😀

[Anonymous]

April,

Thanks for your response! I asked her out 90% of the time and always paid.I thought that giving her space and not putting pressure on her was the respectfull thing to do considering she had just broken up with someone.We met by chance and neither of us were looking for a relationship at the time.As i got to know her and we started going out on dates i started having feelings for her.We are really perfect for each other,but when i tried to take things further she pulled back.

I ordered your book from amazon and look forward to reading it.I guess your saying i need to be more agressive?I was worried about turning her off with too much pressure.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad you ordered Date Out of Your League [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url] — please let me know if it helps. 🙂

In response to your question, what I always tell my readers is that [i]nice guys finish last[/i]. 😮 And while it was respectful of you to pull back to give her space, it may not have been the best move. Women really want a guy who is confident and who often puts his own needs first. You don’t have to be a tool 😆 but you do have to understand what women find attractive in men in terms of behavior. More on this in the book!! 😉

I think a good move for you at this point is to start dating other women, and in a few months, re-connect with your ex-girlfriend and ask her on a date. Give her a chance to really see what she’s tossed aside and if by summer’s end, she realizes your value. 😎 It’s fine for her to want to pull her act together, but you have to understand that in long term relationships getting through tough times is part of the landscape of a marriage, and if she’s going to need a break every time something bad or uncomfortable happens, it’s not going to work. Let her figure this out by changing your behavior and backing off without any malice or explanation. Sometimes “pressure” is stepping back, not stepping forward, and I think this may be a new concept to you from what you’ve written.

I hope that helps. Join me on Facebook — I’d love to see you there at this link: [url][/url]! 😀

[Member]

Posts