[henrytaube]

Hi,
I am a guy. Currently, i am doing my graduate study in a local university. I shall complete my study on next year January 2011. Very recently, in the laboratory, there comes a local female student who is in her final year of undergraduate study. I have an almost instant crush on her. By the way, I am 29 years old while she is maybe in her early twenties, either 21 or 22 which I am not sure. To emphasize further, I am a lonely guy who never has any dating experience before. However, I am sure that I like her because I have all the characteristics of what a shy guy should have when he likes a girl. For example, I tend to think of her or lose my focus and look at her when she is not looking at me. I also try to talk to her when she was alone etc….
I am relatively easy and being myself in front of my own pals. However, I feel awkward or rather uneasy in front of her and especially when her friends or my friends are around too. Anyway, it is likely that i am going to see this girl almost every day until next year January when I have completed my study. I am not sure if she did notice about me and know how I feel towards her. Usually, a girl is very sensitive. My guess is she may not have interest in me or maybe she has a boyfriend already. I did try to talk to her and want to help her in her work in whatever way I can. However, I always ask dull questions like how is her work or is it ok, something like that. She did answer me back and sometimes smile at me when I ask her these questions. However, I just don’t know what else to say and I dare not ask too much because she has her own mentor and she is doing a different project from mine which I have limited knowledge about it. My question is how can I behave normally and like myself in front of her? Should I tell her how I feel towards her? And also what happens if she rejects me? I am afraid of rejection and not sure whether these will cause uneasiness and awkwardness between us especially it is likely that we are going to see each other almost every day. It is funny that although I did talk to her a couple of times already by now, I still did not introduce myself to her. For example, I have not asked her what her name is although I already know because I could check the database. I think she still don’t know my name yet. Let alone, I also don’t have the courage to ask for her email or phone number.
So, what should I do? I would appreciate your advice.
Pardon me if my English is bad.

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like you’ve met a nice woman you want to date, but you’re afraid. I can help you with this, but you have to take my advice and execute it! It won’t work otherwise. 😉

First of all, your fear of rejection is understandable. Everyone has it. However, if you value your fear more than a possible relationship you’re never going to have one. Every man who asks a woman out on a date faces fear of rejection. Nobody dies of it. Nobody even gets sick from it. You WILL be rejected at many times in your life, and you need to understand that rejection is a clue that you’ve either asked the wrong woman out, or that you’ve done something that needs an adjustment. If you never get rejected you’re never going to develop as a man who dates women with any kind of success, so understand the dynamics and then face your fear and conquer it. 🙂

Second of all, you should NOT tell her how you feel about her. What you should do is ask her out on a date. That will telegraph your feelings and show her you’re interested and confident enough to take this risk. Women love confidence in men, and by asking her on a date, you’re showing her you have it. Whether or not you feel anxious, behaving confidently is a great start towards gaining organic confidence.

Third, in order to learn about what women want and how to get the one you want, you should download and read the book I’ve written for men just like you called Date Out of Your League. Here’s the link where you can purchase ($14.95), download automatically and read the book: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. Buy it and read it this weekend. It will help you A LOT.

I hope that helps. Let me know what you think after you read the book, and if you have any more questions, please feel free to let me know what they are. We are all rooting for you, here! 🙂

Join me on Facebook, too. The link for AskApril.com on Facebook is here: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

Thanks April for your kind advice.

I’m going to ask her out for a date next week and see what reponses would i get from her.

A date ? Do you mean asking her out for dinner ? Is that what you mean ?

Many thanks for your advice.

henrytaube.

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

I just realize from my laboratory friend that she already has a boyfriend and her birthday is on 20th September. Not that she tells me about it, but from facebook.

So, i would like to know should i proceed to ask her for a date or not ?

Am i right to say that usually the answer is a default “no” by the girl if i ask her out for a date ?

Should i proceed to ask to just build up my confidence or should i abandon totally ?

I would appreciate everyone’s opinion here.

Thank you for your advice and hope that you can help me.

[quote=”April Masini”]It sounds like you’ve met a nice woman you want to date, but you’re afraid. I can help you with this, but you have to take my advice and execute it! It won’t work otherwise. 😉

First of all, your fear of rejection is understandable. Everyone has it. However, if you value your fear more than a possible relationship you’re never going to have one. Every man who asks a woman out on a date faces fear of rejection. Nobody dies of it. Nobody even gets sick from it. You WILL be rejected at many times in your life, and you need to understand that rejection is a clue that you’ve either asked the wrong woman out, or that you’ve done something that needs an adjustment. If you never get rejected you’re never going to develop as a man who dates women with any kind of success, so understand the dynamics and then face your fear and conquer it. 🙂

Second of all, you should NOT tell her how you feel about her. What you should do is ask her out on a date. That will telegraph your feelings and show her you’re interested and confident enough to take this risk. Women love confidence in men, and by asking her on a date, you’re showing her you have it. Whether or not you feel anxious, behaving confidently is a great start towards gaining organic confidence.

Third, in order to learn about what women want and how to get the one you want, you should download and read the book I’ve written for men just like you called Date Out of Your League. Here’s the link where you can purchase ($14.95), download automatically and read the book: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. Buy it and read it this weekend. It will help you A LOT.

I hope that helps. Let me know what you think after you read the book, and if you have any more questions, please feel free to let me know what they are. We are all rooting for you, here! 🙂

Join me on Facebook, too. The link for AskApril.com on Facebook is here: [url][/url].[/quote]

[Ask April Masini]

I’m happy to give you free advice, but you have to take it!! 😉

The questions you’re asking are all answered in Date Out of Your League, which I asked you to buy (it’s only $14.95) and read. If after reading you still have questions, then come back and ask me them. Here’s the link to the book: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url].

Let me know what you think about your situation AFTER you read this.

And I hope you’ll join me on Facebook, too. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

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