[Anonymous]

A few nights ago, I went snooping on my boyfriend’s messages (something I know I shouldn’t have done, but curiosity got the better of me). A few of the messages were to his ex girlfriend, but nothing harmless was said. However, I told him that I didn’t feel comfortable with them talking a few months ago. Then, I found a few messages to this girl that had harassed me around valentines day last year. She had told me that she was his girlfriend too and that he was hanging out with her. I confronted him about this and he told me that she admitted to liking him but he told her off. Not trusting him, I asked around the people I knew who went to school with him and they assured me that she really was crazy and tries to follow him like a “lost puppy” (I was told). I put this on the back of my mind and paid close attention to how he was treating me and how much he shared to me about his life. Up until now, I totally forgot about it. Back to the messages. Some were about him asking her to hang out, and others were telling her “I love you baby” and such. After reading these, I was shaking so bad, and didn’t get any sleep. The next day (yesterday) I confronted him. He admitted that yes, he was wrong to talk to his ex girlfriend and for betraying my trust. After that he sat down and told me everything he had lied about; things that I wouldn’t necessarily break up with him over but bad enough so that I told him I don’t trust him at all. He took fault for everything except the messages to that particular girl. He looked at me and started tearing up, telling me that it wasn’t him that sent those messages. He told me that some of his friends have his facebook account so it could have been them. I told him that I didn’t believe him, and if he truly thinks that his friends were doing this then he has to prove it to me, and fix everything. He promised that he would, and until I see that proof I promised myself to watch out when it comes to him.
What stopped me from breaking up with him right then and there was the way he has treated me up until now. He has introduced me to every one of his friends, and constantly bring me around them when they all hang out. A few of them have taken me aside and thanked me for changing him, and that they didn’t know how good of a boyfriend he could be. Also, he brings me to almost every family gathering. His mom and I are incredibly close. He invited me over for Thanksgiving with his whole family and told me that it would mean a lot to him. Also, he invited me over for Christmas as well, giving me a Coach purse that he went with his mother to pick out for me.
I also believed him when he told me he lost his virginity to me, he has stayed adamant on this.
Taking everything into consideration, I am torn. He has gone through a lot just to be with me, and to see me since I currently don’t have a car. When I asked him about everything he was calm and composed, yet tearing up at some parts. Whats making me skeptical now is also because he is in ROTC, and they basically train to be composed.
Please give me some advice on this, I am utterly confused.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s cheated on you and he’s lied to you. Stop making excuses for his behavior. It’s time for you to move on. Sorry — I know it’s not what you want to hear because you seem to not want to do the hard work of letting go, being single, and finding someone new. No one deserves a a partner who lies and cheats. Value yourself and find Mr. Right. This man is not him — in spite of the fact that sometimes he’s very nice to you. It’s not enough.

I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

Posts