[Shiro1990]

Hello I would rly appreciate it if u could advise me what I should do.
I’m 21 years old. I worked in a gas station half a year ago and there I met a 30 years old Russian man who was a coworker with me. I got attracted to him and tried to show him I’m interested in him. Well let’s say he broke up with his ex gf about 2 years ago and even when we tried to date as a couple u could sense there is a distance between us. I rly had [and still hv] feelings for him so I let him be my first in bed and let’s say I somewhat knew he was with me just for having fun and get laid, but still I thought if he would know me better he’ll want me because of who I am. Maybe I’ve done a mistake by allowing him that, but in a way I don’t regret it. We were in a relationship for 2 months and he broke up with me. He made up excuses that he wants a Russian girl who can talk with him the same language. Well I let him go. I don’t tie people who do not want to be with me.
So after I left my job, we talked only on Skype and I was rly desperate because of this. Some of it I could blame myself. ‘Cause I initiated first and wanted him more than he wanted me, but I thought it could work, even if we had an age gap between us.
So, from our conversations on Skype he gave signs he wanted something from me, but I did not fall for this and acted indifferently toward him and his behavior. I rly don’t want him to use me again. We met at last on Friday; I wanted to know at last if I still have a chance with him as a girlfriend and not as a sex figure for him. When we walked together he offered me his arm to walk with him. I took it. And we held hands too. I did not fall for this just tried to show him I’m still interested but if it’s going the wrong way again – I’m out!
We went back to his car to go to another place and when he parked we looked at each other and suddenly he drew closer and kissed me. I rly did not think he would go that far, I thought he saw me as a friend only. Well I could sense from his behavior he was attracted to me. But there was some events there he tried to touch me more than just kissing. I did not let him and I was rly frustrated ’cause I had the feeling that he rly does not want me as a person, however to get laid. I wanted to tell him that, I froze for some minutes ’cause I rly did not want to hear the answer, but I asked him in the end. He told me that it is not true. That we got carried away (well I did not touch him that way, so he was the one who was carried away). And he said he was rly sorry he did not mean to. Well I still have my doubts about it. I told him: as I c it now you want me. And we’re not friends and of course no friends with benefits so what r we? He said he needs time to think ’cause he’s still confused. He’s afraid to fall in love again and to trust a woman again. So I told him that he needs to make up his mind ’cause I won’t wait for him for long. And even if it’s not going to be me, He needs to get over his fears. He wants to be loved by another and you can c how hurt he is. But I can’t do much, However wait for his answer. I don’t push him and he does not feel comfortable yet to share his feelings and thoughts even though he had known me for a long time already. So I told him when he is ready I’m here to listen and nevertheless I’m here for him always. I advised him to try and consult with a close person who he trusts and can share his feelings and then make a decision. [b] I don’t know how much I need to wait to ask him what’s going on and I don’t know if he is rly serious about me this time or still wants me for the fun.[/b] I don’t want to get used again I was badly hurt by him and from past relationships that I rly don’t have time for this kind of people. [b]What do you think I should do? Do you think this time he rly wants me for who I am? I rly don’t know if I can trust him yet. [/b]

Thanks so much for reading all this!
Have a great week,
Shiro

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First thing you need to do is buy and read Think & Date Like A Man: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], a book I wrote for women who want to get the guy! 😉 You can buy it (it’s only $8.99) on the link I just gave you as an automatic download, or from Barnes & Noble online or Amazon online. This book is going to help you a lot because, yes, you made a lot of mistakes and need a much better understanding of dating and men.

One of the things you need to understand is that men have sex because they can. When you get into a relationship where you sleep with him too soon, you can never really tell how much he likes you or if he likes you as more than just someone to have sex with. When men care about women enough to make them a girlfriend or a wife, you’ll know it because they’ll treat you differently. But first, you have to treat yourself as someone valuable. If you give chase, and show him how alluring you are, you’ll have a chance to get to know him and vice verse.

Another mistake you made was to have “the talk” about the relationship and to give him an ultimatum. By the time you do either one of those things, you’re on the way out of the relationship, if you’re not already out of it. Men hate having the talk, and if you have to talk, you already know where you are — you just don’t like it. 😳

I think you should not wait for him — but you should read the book I recommended and start looking for someone else who you know really cares about you and wants to date you and get to know you. 😉

I hope that helps. Please let me know how things go — and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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