[jom94]

OK so I met this girl about around November time and it took a little bit but I got her on a date we had a great time she told me that it was hard to get her on a date because she was busy with her daughter and work. Her daughter has disipline issues I have sceen first hand and has had a bad instance with her dad and the last man Sarah dated who left back to his ex wife after Sarah help him get back on his feet and a year of them dating. before that Sarahs babies dad stole her gun and threaten her. Sarah works corrections 4 days out of the week with 12-16 hour shifts with increasing mandatory over time, and then has a 4 year old daughter. I found out later she said that she thought I was a player and was kind of hesitant. Anyway we had fun and we were going to set up another date before she went to Hawaii to visit and for a job interview. I heard from her every once in a while but it was hard to lock down another date. Then she went to Hawaii and I heard from her off and on just small texts here and there. I finally got fifteen email massages saying she lost my phone number. So about Feb we went out for a second date and had a blast didn’t want the night to end. We kissed and parted ways The next week she asked me to come see her at her daughters birthday party in which I got to meet her mom daughter and her son. The next week we met up and had drinks and she got to meet my parents. She then told me that it was hard for her to go out because she needs to spend as much time with her daughter because her daughter is going to be going for the whole summer with her dad who is just getting visitation rights and she will be all alone starting around the end of may begining of June. Sarah said we could hang at her place and just drink there. So for the next month we hung out at her house me staying over until she had to go to work. A month later we finally had sex. She said it was because she finally open up and was falling hard for me. I kept going over to her house every time she was off she said she liked it and could never get tired of me coming over. also her daughter started to get harder to handle. Sarah explained her fear of me leaving her which I reassured her that I wouldn’t. We also came to the agreement that since neither of us was not seeing anyone else and didn’t want to that we would start dating exclusively. She wanted to meet my parents formally so I set up a dinner with them. and we ended up finding out that my dad had a class with her best friend. Anyway we plan camping trip for her birthday. about a week before she starts sending me emails talking about how her daughter is not doing well with me and Sarah and how she is taking her to a counselor the next wed. Sarah says how stressed out she is and is getting sick in which she called in one day for and Sarah never calls in sick to work.
Here is what she sent me:

Sarah to me
I’m sorry me n my mom have been talking she started crying n has a lot on her mind… we had to sort out some stuff

Me to Sarah
It’s ok. I understand.

Sarah to me
Yea just family stuff N still feeling like crap…was getting sick all damn night… body ache m throat is killing me… I rarely get sick but when I do its bad…. n have my daughters doc apt wed morning omg I hope I can make it… its her counseling apt she had been having a hard time with all the changes because of her dad… sorry just rambling a lot on my mind

Me to Sarah
Oh. That’s what I’m here for. For u to talk. Ur not rambling.orry. I’m here for u.

Sarah to me
Thank u I appreciate it lotz

Me to Sarah
Ur welcome. So what else is on ur mind?

Sarah To Me
Just her …. I had to watch my son grow up with out a dad and it makes a huge difference .. I work so much and regret that I had to…no choice or not I couldn’t be a mom and work the hours i work..I provided but missed so much!! And now with her om.back in the same spot and I see all over again the same effects and its not fair… I can’t be home with her like I shuld be… Its causing her to act out really bad… she was never this difficult so I hope this counsel session can give me a little clarity and direction

Me To Sarah
I know. I’m sorry. For u and your daughter.

Sarah to Me
Its not ur fault no worries….just have to do what’s best for her

Just momma worries n job worries… referring to hawaii Worries about the hiring process n the amount of effort already invested…. n never had a hard time doing anything I put effort into so its Bern rough I have my mom daughter and son that r all relying on me to do this and do it well… their way of life will be effected by my choices n its a lot

Me To Sarah
Yeah it is. U will get there. It just takes time. Soon u will have all of your worries of fresnoberg behind u. Lol 🙂

Sarah to Me
True… but shuld have been there a while ago…so feel like I’m letting them down

Me To Sarah
I wanna support u in what ever u do. And I wanna back u up. Thank u for talking to me about ur worries makes me feel apart of it life. Thank u for bringing me in ur shell. I like to hear whats on ur mind. Makes me trust u more.

Sarah to Me
Its a lot and I’ve always put everyone before my needs and this is no different… ill find a way to make it work its all I can do

Me To Sarah
Please don’t put me before ur needs. I want u to get what u need. I don’t need or want much. If I am preventing anything let me know the last thing I want is to be another burden for u. What do u think?

Sarah to Me
This being my families need and betterment if we move … I have to sacrifice for them and as for my daughter, no matter what her happiness is my first priority

Me To Sarah
So what are u trying to say? I just want to understand what u are saying in relationship to u and me. Are u trying to tell me u want to end this? Carie I know u are going to move to Hawaii I have known that from the beginning. I’m open to any possibilities when it happens

Sarah To Me
I have a lot on my mind.. n most of all its my daughter n how she has been… it has nothing to do with moving pertaining to u… we spoke about that part and that is always easily worked out, its just her and dealing with what’s best for her… That’s what me n my mom were discussing and how I feel as a mom I’m not there for here… its just a lot if stuff

Me To Sarah
Ok and am I keeping u from not being there for her?

Sarah To Me
Not that no that’s not what I was saying

Me To Sarah
I just didn’t want to do that if I was. I find myself caring a lot for Kaliah too and don’t want to be part of the problem.

Sarah To Me
Its just not fair…as soon as I’m happy or do something for me it gets off balanced…. That’s what I was saying…. it’s just not fair!!!

Me to Sarah
I know baby. So what do u need to do to get u balanced or to balance it out so you are happy too?

Sarah To Me
I’m not sure, gottafigure stuff out and see what I can do. I will let you know after her appointment

She also said how her mom is having company over and how she needs to give her mom some time since her mom moved all the way from Hawaii to help with her daughter. So she says that I cant come over but she can still have dinner with my parents and that I better not cancel the camping trip. She said she knows how hard it will be because it went from seeing each other every day to nothing for one week. I told her not to put me before her kid and what ever she needs from me I would help. i asked if she wanted to break up so she could deal with her daughter. She assured me that she wouldn’t do that. So I wasnt able to get a hold of her for a week finally she sent me this

Sarah To Me
I’m sorry… after my daughters counseling appt I have been thinking a lot .. he was saying that the interaction with her dad is making it hard for her and reminding her more of what she is missing… I told him how she was along with seeing me with someone else ..and he was saying its a lot doe her to process at one time… I knee in my heart she was not going to do well but I didn’t think it would effect her this badly… she drew pictures of me n u n her but she was sitting alone n saying she was sad… ito can’t do this right now and feel its fair yo her…its been bothering me and I kniw the timing isn’t right And I’m sorry for everything turning out this way..but I have to make sure she is okay, I am all she has! I have to put her before me and i can’t do the relationship thing right now. I would never ask you to put your kids before me and I would only expect the same… I’m so so sorry there is no other way… I’ve thought all week n I know this is what I have to do. I didn’t mean for things to go this way, and I am so sorry.

ME to Sarah
Sorry for what? U have to do what u have to do. And there is no way we could see each other when she is not around? Like a couple hours a night we just sit and talk in your truck. Or camping for a couple of days?

Sarah to me
I can’t it’s to hard that way… I know it may sound stupid to say that its to hard to find tine away from here(work)…but that’s not the way a relationship shuld be and I can’t function like that… its just the wrong time and its not fair to u n I’m sorry

me to Sarah
I understand u do what u need to for your kid i would not like you as much as i do if you didnt do what was best for your kid.

Sarah to me
I have the utmost respect for you and I am grateful that u understand!!! I just have to move ahead and try my best at making sure she is safe and happy! I understand how dificult this is for you. I understand… its just to difficult like that and I understand what u r saying… please just understand that I can’t do this and I’m sorry for hurting you… this isn’t easy for me and I know much harder on ur end

Me to Sarah
Last communication promise. Thank u 4 ur honesty. And I was honest w/ u the whole time. When u talk of me please be + even if I did something to hurt u or turn u off as my insecurities sometimes due. Try & remember me in a + way. If u c me around say hi. Thank u again for showing me that their are great women out there. If u ever get thing squared away or need company over the summer when u are alone. Look me up. Bye Carie. I will miss u.🙂/:-(

Sarah to me
I apologize for not calling I was extremely tired… walked in and just passed out. I am sorry for how everything turned out and no matter what I would always say hello and would never act any other way! Please know it was nothing you did so don’t worry about it initiating from insecurities that you have, n I’m sorry if it make n e thing worse or harder for you! Bye _______ I hope everything turns out well for you! I will call you when I get off to explain more. It’s the least I can do.

So what came of our phone conversation is that she will text me when she can and that in two weeks we will see where things are. During the whole conversation she was saying how its to hard to do just when ever she gets a chance and to see me when she gets free time. She said she really needs to consintrate on her daughter for the next month and a half until her daughter goes with her father for the summer. I said I would wait until then and she said we will see but that would be unfair to me. The more we talked she said she would try it. At the end she told me how much she really appreciates me for understanding and how she was not expecting me to take it this well and how much respect she has for me.

Ok I haven’t talked to her since that about a week ago, even though I sent her a couple of email and text messages. I thought I would just give her her space and maybe try and contact her in a month and a half. She has ALWAYS been up front with me before this even when it was hard and I didn’t agree with her. She has never lied to me and has not given me a reason not to trust her. And she told me about her daughter from the beginning. My question is should I wait 2 months for her and see how things go? People say that I should not wait that that is unfair to me. But I think it is unfair for me to go out with other people when I just going to be thinking about her. If I do wait how often should I text her that wont seam stalkerish? Do you think she is giving me a line to brush me off? Do you think I there is a good chance she is telling me the truth?

She is so what I have been looking for. I weeded out all other people in my life that I was talking to or had an interest in cause I saw something in her and decided to take a chance. Up until now it has paid off. She is independent, she is reliable, trustworthy, intelligent, modest, funny my kind of funny like me, I can be myself around her, she understands me without having to talk to me and I understand her, she is different than most people, she thinks well outside the box like me, she like every hobby I like, she is like my equal and like me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]My question is should I wait 2 months for her and see how things go? People say that I should not wait that that is unfair to me. But I think it is unfair for me to go out with other people when I just going to be thinking about her. If I do wait how often should I text her that wont seam stalkerish? Do you think she is giving me a line to brush me off? Do you think I there is a good chance she is telling me the truth? [/quote]

You can wait and see while still being open to meeting other women. That’s my advice. The reality is that while you’re waiting, you’re not in a relationship with her, so you’re free to date (and she is, too). If you want to contact her or woo her with flowers and cards, you can give it a try, but she’s basically told you that her four year old is (and has a history of) having problems because of the custody arrangements and some behavior on the dad’s part, and she needs to focus on her daughter for now. Some people will draw you closer when they have problems — others will push you away. She’s done the latter, so accept the “break” and don’t pretend it’s something that it isn’t. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[jom94]

Thank you. You make since. I want to give her space and give it the best opportunity for things to change if she decides to let me back in. I have one more question. How likely is it for a girl to contact a guy again, after she gets things straight, after she pushes him away for reasons such as what she told me. A lot of people that met her and I together think that she will because she really did feel something for me and we were getting serious. And she did tell me before that she doesn’t know what she is going to do once her daughter is gone for the summer and thank god she will have me during that time. I just want to know so I don’t give myself false hope.

[jom94]

Like you said “…so accept the “break” and don’t pretend it’s something that it isn’t..” Its just the things that she said like, she thought it was unfair for her that when she if finally happy she has to give that up for her daughter that tells me she really doesn’t want to but has to and it gives me hope to wait for her. And how she said how unfair it is for me that tells me she still cares for me and she isn’t just brushing me off.And then we were planing for long term relationship, her idea by the way even though i wanted that too lol. She also said that it would be harder for me then her but that this was also very hard for her. Again that shows she cares and that it is a hard decision for her.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote] How likely is it for a girl to contact a guy again, after she gets things straight, after she pushes him away for reasons such as what she told me.[/quote]

The question should be about you — not her. She may or may not contact you. You can’t control that. What you CAN control is your own behavior. It sounds like you’re going to obsess about this relationship if you focus on waiting, so don’t do that. Instead, look for other women to date at the same time you’re waiting. She may be doing the same thing. Diversify. Stay busy. And understand that you’re going to be a lot more attractive to her (and other women) if you’re desired. 😉

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[jom94]

Yeah your right. I am obsessing a little because the relationship was going some where and so well and then I was hit by a curve very quickly after investing a lot of time and emotion. She has been herself the whole time even breaking it off with me for her daughter is consistent w/ her character, but it seams like she wont call me again which is so far out of her character. Anyway I will stay busy and try not to think about it hope for the best and see if she stays true to her character. Thank you again.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 😀

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