[lostlove2012]

I have been sleeping with my best friend for about 5months now and I just found out that I’m 2months pregnant. My problem is that my best friend is supposed to be a relationship, and his girlfriend and him are expecting their first child together this November. The girlfriend knows about me and knows that we have slept together but what she doesnt know is how long we have been together. He wants to wait to tell her about my pregnancy til after she has her baby because he doesnt want to stress her, but he doesnt realize that this situation is stressing me and my baby. After he found out that I was pregnant he told me that he loves me but he thinks he is inlove with her and wants to try to be a family with her and their child. I feel so lost right now. There is more to this situation but this is the main part. What should I do? I think she should know now instead of later. Oh yea no one in his family knows that I’m pregnant they only know about his girlfriend’s baby and I feel that they should know about my baby as well….please help me

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The first thing you need to do is to get health care for you and the baby. Make sure you’re seeing an obstetrician and doing what you need to do to have a healthy pregnancy.

The second thing you have to do is to ask the father of the baby to split the medical bills with you. If he’s going to want a paternity test, talk to your physician about how to go about obtaining one.

Third, you need to prepare to be a single mother. Get a support system of family and friends who will help you through this.

I know you think that the father’s family should know about the baby, but it’s really up to him to tell them — not you. And if he doesn’t, that’s his choice. You need to focus on yourself and your baby. 😉

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[lostlove2012]

Thank You I really needed to hear that. I have seen my doctor, and Im going to follow through on your other suggestions. I just need to know how to get over him. We have been friends for a while and I am head over heels in love with him. I need to know how to get over him. I feel so lost and confused we use to talk about everything and now he barely wants to talk about our child only about his girlfriend and their child. mind you he is still living with me because he doesnt have anywhere to go, and no he cant go stay with the girlfriend because she doesnt have her own she is staying with one of her relatives and is totally dependent on him. My heart is breaking to pieces everyday. Please help me

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome. I’m happy to help you, and it’s good to hear that you’re getting medical care for you and your baby. 😀

Now, you have to grow up fast because you’re doing some things that are not very mature, and you need to be on top of your game if you’re going to be a new mother. So here’s your “to do” list.

1. It sounds like he is supporting his girlfriend and you are supporting him. 😕 My advice here is that you man up, and kick him out. Your excuse that he has no place to go is ridiculous. He’s a grown man. I assume he has a job and makes money. He can get his own place. You should not be supporting someone else’s boyfriend — who you’re in love with. If he was in a monogamous relationship with you, it would be sense to live together, but since he’s more interested in his girlfriend and her child, he needs to go. 😳

Kicking him out will put an end to your enabling behavior, and that’s something you need to work on. You need to focus all your energy on yourself and your new baby. He’s draining your resources (money, time, energy). He’s not an asset in this situation.

2. Get ready to get a support order the minute the child is born. As a father he has a responsibility to support his child. He also has the right to see his child, so be prepared for him to have some custody of your baby. This is a good thing, because it will give your child a relationship with his or her father and it will give you a break from parenting!

3. Get over this guy and move on….. he’s letting you take care of him (what kind of guy does that?), treating you poorly, and isn’t an asset to your life. I’m not sure what you love about him, but I guarantee it’s not coming from a healthy place because this isn’t a healthy relationship. It’s time for you to get your own life together, and that means getting over him and seeing him for who he is.

4. Because you will be parents together, he will be in your life forever. And, so will his girlfriend and her child who will be your child’s half sibling. In fact, his girlfriend may end up marrying him and being the step-mother to your child, which means she will share in raising your son or daughter. I know this is hard to understand and accept, but the sooner you do, the better a shot you will have at working through these complications.

Hope that helps. 🙂

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