[confusedinpgh]

OK I’m a 37 year old male. I got out of a 5 year relationship and with 3 kids work and just life in general. I had no time to go out and find someone and really are you going to find your soul mate in a bar? So I turned to online dating and I talked to a few women and went out on a few dates. Then back in March I met (K). I clicked on her profile and really liked what I read and it helped that she is absolutely Beautiful! We talked for about a week and then I asked her out. Its been YEARS since I went on a real date. I was really nervous. Its took me over a hour to get ready and your talking to a guy that it usually takes about 5 minutes. I stopped and got her flowers and was about a half hour early. When K showed up she was even more beautiful in person. We ate dinner and talked for about a hour. but that wasn’t the end all together we spent 8 hours on our first date. With our schedules work kids and her going to school we couldn’t see each other for about 2 weeks. Fortunately I was working night shift and was able to go see her during the day a couple of times in those 2 weeks. After I thought things were getting serious I hide my dating profile. I am truly a hopeless romantic. All most every time I would see K i would bring her flowers. When we did get to spend time together I always try to make it as special as possible. Dinner and dancing, movies and just hang out and shoot pool are just a few things we did. I even cooked her dinner a few times. Back in June I was going through my bookmarks on my computer and found the one for K’s dating profile and I clicked on it. To my surprise it was still up and not only was it up she was online in the past week. This up set me quite a bit. Instead of keeping it in and letting it rip me apart. I thought talking to her about it was the best solution. I did and she told me she was only on because one of her friends just made a profile and wanted K to look at and and to look at a couple of guys the messaged are friend. I believed her and let it go. With our schedules I knew we were not going to see all the time and I’m ok with that. We talked or text at least once a day. Things were going good or at least I thought they were. She was going back to school (starting nursing clinical) and I knew she was going to be super busy. I support her in every was I can I would never want her to jeopardize school or grades to see me. But I’m starting to feel neglected and used. Neglected because we hardly talk any more much less go out. Its been a month now since the last time we went out. And I tried to make it as special as I could. It only seams we text or talk if I initiate it. And used because I knew she was going to need a tablet for school and so I got he one for her birthday. Also I knew she wanted her bathroom painted and with her going back to school she wouldn’t be able to do it her self or I did it for her. 2 weeks ago I had this horrible gut feeling and I checked her profile again and she was on that day. The next Monday we talked and I didn’t mention that I saw she was on the dating site but I did tell her that it really up set me that she still had her profile up. I said to her that I didn’t think it was ok that she still had it up after all this time the she should have at least hide it. We also talked about her being so busy and that totally understand that shes going to be very busy and I support her fully but it would just be nice to get that random text or call. She said all her friends know that there’s time she just really busy and she would talk to them for weeks at a time. I didn’t say this to her but I think I should be a little more important them her friends. I think I deserve at least a random text every once in awhile to let me know her thinking about me. She been through a lot in her past relationships her marriage to her ex lasted over 14 years total and he cheated on her more then a few times. And the last few guys she dated were not the best to her. I’m trying I’m really trying but this is really hard when you feel like your the only one putting any effort into a relationship. I don’t want to give up on this relationship I’m not the kind of guy to give up and run a way. but I’m so confused she says she cares and (loves) me but I’m not seeing it what should I do?

[88maroon]

Going out on those first dates after getting being with someone for a long time is nerve racking.
It’s good to have those exciting/nervous feelings. I feel like you fell,fell fast, and hard.
I think your first mistake was doubting yourself. Thinking that you are being used. Have more confidence in yourself and confidence in the time you spent with one another.
Don’t be that jealous guy, so what if she was on her profile. Are you guys official? I’m guessing no.
If she’s not putting an effort, you created and joined a dating site for a reason. Go back on that baby and meet new people. Maybe she is just really busy, maybe you being overly jealous made her think twice, it could be anything. Just give her space and continue with your life.
But for future references, You have to be able to trust. Dont overreact to little things.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

It sounds like, after dating someone you met online, for seven months, you would like things to be more serious than they are and you’d like to feel a commitment from her that you aren’t feeling.

While it’s understandable that single parents have less time to spend dating than people without children, the real problem is that the pace of the relationship has slowed. Usually, this means that she’s losing interest, since she’s the one who seems to be slowing it down.

I know you don’t want to walk away — but there’s a difference between walking away from a commitment, and walking away because someone isn’t showing mutual interest, during dating. Having come out of a failed marriage, you may be confusing marriage with dating — or just projecting your feelings.

My advice is to try and win her over. If you feel used, you should walk away. But if you want to compete for her attention, and after giving it your best shot, you’re not getting the results you want, then it’s time to get back into the dating pool and see if there’s someone better suited for you. 😉

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