[pipa]

hi, I’ve been with my partner for 12 years and we live together. He is my first and only boyfriend. Our relationship has had it ups and downs. From time to time when he gets angry he will tell me I’m stupid or in the beginning (for the first 3years or so he use to put his fist to my face and tell me he would hit me(he never hit me he just say that when he is very angry) – he doesn’t do this now he only sometimes will say he will slap me – but he never does) He don’t do this often only when he gets mad. He hits walls to if he get very upset. Sometimes when things go wrong he will say its my fault. At the beginning he use to tell me I have a calming effect on him and that his x girlfriend was upsetting him a lot………. But now I don’t understand I must be doing something to piss him off.

Anyway to make a long story short is in this 12 years he broke up with me once and we were not together for a couple of months. When we were not together I hooked up with a great guy. Someone I would loooove to be the father of my children if I ever would have children. A real gooooood good guy……… but I went back with my X after he came to me and said he made the biggest mistake bracking up with me……and everyting went back to be good like good could be. This other guy still looves me I know and we are still good friends cause I’ve known him for many years since I was 20.

11years into the relationship(that I went back to with my X) and a couple of months ago I found out that he is having this thing with a girl from work. He doesn’t know I know about this.A few times in the 11 years there was a girl that he was texting or mailing. And one time I had to go out of town for a couple of days and I heard he slept in a girls room. I confronted both of them but both said nothing happend. Well this girl at the moment is younger than me and It sounds by things that they slept together and kissed a few times. I was reading this in mails. I snooped around (know this is wrong but I thought something was up) I can’t confront him. I’m so upset and want to leave. but something is pulling me back. I don’t understand why am I staying. Why can’t I just brake it off and go to this other great guy. Why is there this strong pull to stay with this man. Sometimes I go over and over in my head – things that his done and the scary feeling he gives me when he gets angry. I feel after all this thought ok I’m going to tell him this is over but then something in me pulls me to him and I just can’t do this. Can someone please help me understand …………. or have advice cause I’m so lost. Why do I stay with someone that by now I know doesn’t treat me well. What is this that is keeping me with him why can’t I just break the bond????????????? Any advice….
why doesn’t he just leave me .. he already told this girl that he loves her so why doesn’t he just leave me. For 2 months now he was very cold and distant with me. I asked him a few times what is up and he just say it is work stress. A few days ago I asked him does he still want to be with me. and he said what do you mean. Since than he’s been ok with me talk to me and tells me he loves me. But he told me that also in ths last 2 month when he was so cold and distant and he also said I’m the love of his life. He can never found out that I was reading his mail so he still doesn’t know I know about this girl. I just don’t know what is keeping or pulling me to him…. any advice will be sooooo good. please help!!!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Sadly, you stay because you want to. For some reason you want to be with someone who cheats on you. You’re acting like a victim because you don’t want to take care of yourself. 😳 In fact, you’re asking me why you’re staying, instead of how to leave. 🙁

When you’re ready to do the thing, you will. Until then, you’re going to continue to behave in ways that are bad for you.

You have all the power. If you don’t use it, it goes away.

Your life, your choice.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[Member]

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