[punkenz343]

Hello!
My question has a long of back story but i will try to keep it short.

I am 20 and my boyfriend of a little over a year is 21. We met online when we were about 15 or so. We dated long distance, me in North Carolina and him in Georgia.
We dated for about two years (seeing each other periodically) and we broke up mainly because he was to focused on playing video games and wasnt interested in getting a job or doing anything else like teenager would. So we broke up.

2 years later, we were still facebook friends and he randomly started commenting and slowly talking to me again. He found out that I liked his friend and I guess he got jealous. He confronted me and told me he still loved me and that he would not be able to be my friend if I dated his friend. I was under the impression that Nick (My bf) had moved on from me. Here I was with the only guy I had really fallen in love with telling me he wanted to give us a shot. As unfair of a situation that was I said okay, and we started talking again and started dating. We click so well and have a good relationship, I moved to Georgia to move in with him for about 5 months and I couldn’t hold a job so money reasons I came back home but he is moving to North Carolina soon, once his job transfer goes through.

Anyway, we don’t fight besides typical bickering stuff. But recently… I’ve had this idea that Im not ready to spend the rest of my life with him. I love him and could see myself marring him but not any time soon. Problem with that is… I want to date other people. I want to experience others, I want to travel and do stuff on my own. I don’ want to be tied down to just one person yet. I never came to realize this…I’m calling it fear of commitment?, until recently with us living together.

I’m also pointing out flaws like, He has no career aspirations where on the other hand I want to have a consignment shop that I am currently working on while I am working part time and I just finished college with my associates. But he failed one class and is one semester away from getting his associate but he doesn’t want to finish.

He is such a great guy and Im fine with dating and I’ve kinda mentioned to him that I think I might be afraid of long term commitment, as in my longest relationship I’ve ever had was 2 1/2 years. But what I really need advice on is… Does this mean hes not the one? Is it normal for being in my early 20s and not wanting to be tied down to one person. Or am I just overthinking things and time will disperse this idea?

Im kind of looking for reassurance or the harsh truth that Im being stupid.

Thanks, for your time. I really appreciate it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re not being stupid and these are all good questions. The difference between his lack of ambition and your interest in a career can definitely be a problem in a long term relationship. And the fact that you’re realizing you’re not ready to settle down, while he is, is also a possible deal breaker. You can love someone — but because of incompatibilities, the relationship won’t work. It really sounds like moving out, moving on, and playing the field is what’s best for you. But you have to understand that the two of you are not friends, and that if you do break up, a friendship isn’t really in the cards. It sounds like you’ve learned a lot about this guy while living with him for the last five months, and that some of what you’ve learned is disappointing because you were hoping this might work out, and it really doesn’t sound like it will.

[Member]

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