[crazed-driver]

I know about ground rules, etc and its not me that’s doing it. Its most of my mates. And it sort of getting to the point know that in order to get with someone, I have to face the fact that a mate has been with them physically and/or I may lose that mate out of it.

[crazed-driver]

I know it won’t as it I’ve seen that all around me. So I try to do what you said here, reguardless. I just didn’t get why that’s all. Maybe I will join, here’s a recommendation for your site (Unless you’ve already got it 😕). Why don’t you have a feedback section on your site

[crazed-driver]

I’m only concerned/interested in her as a mate. All I know is you just said she can’t be in a healthy relationship as she hasn’t got the tools, etc and she is getting married. So basically all I want to know is, shall I mention anything to her, etc?

[crazed-driver]

I undertand it for careers and if you got a partner in the forces, etc. Its like me and a girl getting together and we’re solid, etc. But then i go on holiday to spain for a couple of weeks and tell my gf beforehand we’re finished as i may want to get with a girl over there. If you want to have a relationship then have one, if you just want a short term fling then have one, it ifs just physical then fair enough. But finishing with your partner just to go on holiday is just stupid as well as awkward for mates.

[crazed-driver]

What else is new 😕 😆 I know there are signs, without them being forward, but that can be misunderstood for being friendly or politeness, etc. Plus i believe if a woman likes a man why cant they show it like a guy is expected to. Sorry, but i believe it should be the same, even though it isnt in the real world. And i know we’re not going to agree on this.

I can see what your saying and it is proven right as it comes from personal experiance, And that confidance then not only increases in that area, but in general too. But if it fails it has the opposite affect. Like up to the age of 21 i would say i’ve told 2 people i liked them and i failed. After that i told another and it worked (briefly) and i was on the up, etc. But then in the last year (since that girl) i’ve told about 4 and i failed on them all. Despite “passing” the “critieria”. So you can say, when i get rewards/praise, etc i rise to anything, but after several knocks i cant get myself back up.

[crazed-driver]

Well I thought it was desperate before anyone said anything, only somone added the words “messed up” too. Anyway, hears the full story, sorry if its long, I will try and cut it down.

About this time last year, me and a colleague were having a banter in the place where i work and iths girl walked towards this other colleague and he served her, she complimented me on a few things and this happened on more than one occasion (although i only saw it on that occasion, but i knew she was talking to the other colleague about me the other times, but didnt know what was said) as she came in about the same time and day and went and got served by this other colleague again as i was in front of him, but i didnt take any notice at the time. But the other colleague claimed she liked me. i just laughed it off. Early august last year, (a week or two after i had the compliments, me and my mate went out for a couple of drinks in town and i was shocked (but in a good way) to see her out as i’ve been going out for about 5 years and only that time i saw her out. I’ve known her since i was 11, i just didnt socailise with her. Anyway about 2 days after i saw her out, i added on her facebook and we got chatting and eventually, i asked her for her number as we enjoyed the chatting on facebook, but facebook at the time was having problems. We talked on the phone for about an hour a few times that week. as well as texted non stop beforehand. She even told me that her last bf just used her for sex and lied to her and being in a long and physically abusive relationship with her previos bf before that. 2 weeks later, she claimed she really liked me and faniced me and wanted to hook up with her that week. But for some reason (wont go into details), a couple of days later, he head was “messed up” and she tried to get out of me getting with her by caneling a date we arrnaged and saying it wasnt a good idea. I knew something wasnt right, so the first chance i had i went up her house, we chatted well she chatted the most as i was nervous, etc). When i got home about a couple of hours later. She text me saying how i was, would i be more relaxed next time, etc. I just told her that the only thing i regret was that when i left i didnt kiss her. Then bank holiday weekend came and my night was getting spoilt because my mates were annoying me, so i left to meet her. We dancd for a bit and went for a walk and a sit down somewhere quiet. Then out of the blue we started kissing and it was non stop and we were both enjoying it. She even propostioned me, but i declined as i enjoyed what we were doing there and i just wanted to go back insde and enjoy as the night was quite young. We both went our separate ways that night. Next day, whilst i was still in bed, she text me how i was, etc. I told her that i enjoyed last night, we should do it again, etc. We started texting again non stop and about a few weeks after, she claimed that i wasnt ready for a relationship, even though i knew i was. So i told her that i was ready, but if she needs time, then ti’ll wait and i’ll ask her out in a few months or something. Even though we texted each other often after that, the texts got less and less. Then about a month later i was out at a party and she texted me if i was out, if i was enjoying, etc. I text her back, whilst having a laugh saying stuff ike, by the time i meet you, you’d love me as my confidance would be high, etc. Later that night then, i saw her made the first move, we danced and kissed for most of the night, thats all we did really. Then when we left she said “I love you when your like this, you should be like that without a drink inside you” . We both gave each other a peck as she got into her tai as i arranged to share a taxi with other people. And i said i’ll text her soon. Next day she texts and said she enjoyed and asked why couldnt i be like that more often. A few days after that she stops texting, so i thought she may be busy, give her space, etc. She text me saying that we cant get together and gives me a list of “pathetic “reasons. Then she tells me, shes met someone on a dating sight and have been texting for a bit and shes meeting him soon. (Ths was like early november i found this out). By early december he virtualy moved in. Feburary he propsed and she claims shes in love. So shes now engaged to be married with to that man.

Things to consider are:

1. Shes my age and has 2 children. one is 4, one is 2 (i think)
2. She said before, during and after we kissed, etc that she had intimate dreams about me as well as dreaming about me and her doing things as a couple in everyday life.
3. Now apprantly my mate is claiming that shes told him that she wants to date her bloke and him as thier both nice guys. But i think that isnt true 😕
4. Even though she didnt say the exact words, shes stated on many ocassions that no guy would want a girl in her situation. Hint of desperation there, maybe?

What you think, is she in denial about being in love as in thinking she is, when she isnt? Is there desperation or a person being messed up there?
And for the record i’m over her, i’m just worried shes rushing into things and she may not even know him as none of her family/mates do as hes from noth england and shes from south wales.

I need help, which is why i’m on this forum, lol. And why would i want to join facebook and add you as a member as facebook is for friends, etc and the first thing i remember about you was being brutal towards me 😮 😕 😆 Seriously though i’m on here a lot incase i can find people in my situation whohave had their questions answered as well as people ansering questions that i want answers to.

[crazed-driver]

That maybe true. But surely if a girl knows a guy likes them and even if the feelings are or aren’t mutual the girl should let the guy know. If they know the guy is too shy, etc. Can’t it, can it? Infact there could be a bonus to it as both sets of people, especially the shy person, will gain a lot of confidance from it.

[crazed-driver]

Even though he may mean it this time he’s also said it in the past. Its highly likely/certain that he will be the same towards you unless he can put whatever is bothering him deep down behind him, he moves on from it or you discuss that issue/issues he may have that you don’t know about, which is causing him to be like this in the first place.

[crazed-driver]

All things get said at the heat of the moment, most of them hurtful. Some things may even hit a nerve. So he may not mean it. However if its happening frequently then either one of your lives aren’t satisfactory and one of you are lashing out and the other one is fighting back. So address whatever is causing it and you both should be able to move on and live a happier life. If both of your lives are satisfactory then it sounds you both just aren’t suited for each other, plus it sounds like he goes over the top as you mentioned his ex. If I was you, I’d try finding out what exactly he was like when he was with her and if he’s the same with you,it shows he hasn’t changed, despite how much he says he has. Also if he’s treating you like he did with her whether its a little or a lot, obviously he’s lying and he hasn’t changed at all and he won’t change either. If tears ever approach because of this form of abuse or violence ever occurs. You shouldn’t think twice or asking for opinions, you should just leave him.

[crazed-driver]

The only thing I can think of is maybe on an unconcious level, you are pushing him away as if he comes back to you, you know he’s a keeper/interested or you may enjoy the thought of him chasing you. Again that maybe on an unconcious level too.

[crazed-driver]

Well for a start something must be up, if he stares at u on more than one occassion. However, saying that. I would like to know the answer to this to 😕

[crazed-driver]

When there’s no trust, its not possible to have a relationship. It sounds like he didn’t even trust you in the first place, before he found out you were lying. As of he did trust you, then he wouldn’t have minded you talking to ur old guy friends, which you proabably knew before u knew your boyfriend in the first place. The reason you may find it hard to move on, is because its your first love and they are the hardest to get over as its the first time you’ve had and pursed those feelings and you’d put up with almost anything not to have it spoilt. That’s why there’s a saying “There’s no love like your first love”.

My advice would be to end this relationship and find someone who can trust you as much as you can trust them. The first two features that a trustworthy person has are: 1 when you can confide in them and 2 when you can trust them around their mates who are members of the opposite sex. And it goes without saying that the guy must be able to feel like he can do those things with you too.

[crazed-driver]

I don’t see a problem with him meeting her either. As you said earlier she used to work with him. Its like saying one of your mates at work leave and move elsewhere and you see him a few years later and wanted to have a catch up with him. If she behaved badly when they were out, then you would have a point.And maybe you weren’t invited as when you have a catch up, no one else is normally invited. I think that you suggest to your bf that all 3 of you should do something. Then while/after your out, maybe you’ll know what her intentions are.

[crazed-driver]

[quote=”kitkat620″]the porn is one thing, for me, that would bother me. but going online onto sites that offer discreet online affairs? NO! that is crossing the line. you should think long and hard if you really want to be with this dishonest person. that is no way to start a new relationship let alone a marriage.

you are not spying on him considering he went on these sites on YOUR computer. you have every right to question him about his intentions, but don’t expect the truth. sorry, but he will cheat. i [color=#FF0000][b]have been with a cheater for 20 plus years and it does not end.[/b][/color] sorry to be so blunt, but you need to cancel your wedding NOW!

good luck.[/quote]

May sound a bit obvious here, but does that mean, you’ve stayed with a guy for 20 years, knowing that hes slept around on more than 1 occasion? 😕

[crazed-driver]

Its ok for him to watch it as long as he’s not neglecting you in the meantime. As for the other thing, You’re not spying on him as it was on your computer in the first place, not his, if you went through his personaly property, then its a different story. But what hes more or less saying sounds a bit like this. “You’re a very attractive woman and I love you. But I’ve seen some women out in town that I want to sleep with.”

[Member]

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