[crazed-driver]

How can you tell if someones desperate and/or messed up? Can it make someone go in denial and make themselves believe something that isn’t true? If that makes sense to you 😕

[Ask April Masini]

You have to give me more details. What some people consider desperate or messed up is different than what others consider desperate or messed up. Let me know specifics and I’ll do a better job of helping you.

And join me on Facebook! I see you a lot on this forum, and I’d love to see you a lot there, too! 😆 Here’s the link: [url][/url]. It’s free to join, and just takes a few seconds. Come on!! 🙂

[crazed-driver]

Well I thought it was desperate before anyone said anything, only somone added the words “messed up” too. Anyway, hears the full story, sorry if its long, I will try and cut it down.

About this time last year, me and a colleague were having a banter in the place where i work and iths girl walked towards this other colleague and he served her, she complimented me on a few things and this happened on more than one occasion (although i only saw it on that occasion, but i knew she was talking to the other colleague about me the other times, but didnt know what was said) as she came in about the same time and day and went and got served by this other colleague again as i was in front of him, but i didnt take any notice at the time. But the other colleague claimed she liked me. i just laughed it off. Early august last year, (a week or two after i had the compliments, me and my mate went out for a couple of drinks in town and i was shocked (but in a good way) to see her out as i’ve been going out for about 5 years and only that time i saw her out. I’ve known her since i was 11, i just didnt socailise with her. Anyway about 2 days after i saw her out, i added on her facebook and we got chatting and eventually, i asked her for her number as we enjoyed the chatting on facebook, but facebook at the time was having problems. We talked on the phone for about an hour a few times that week. as well as texted non stop beforehand. She even told me that her last bf just used her for sex and lied to her and being in a long and physically abusive relationship with her previos bf before that. 2 weeks later, she claimed she really liked me and faniced me and wanted to hook up with her that week. But for some reason (wont go into details), a couple of days later, he head was “messed up” and she tried to get out of me getting with her by caneling a date we arrnaged and saying it wasnt a good idea. I knew something wasnt right, so the first chance i had i went up her house, we chatted well she chatted the most as i was nervous, etc). When i got home about a couple of hours later. She text me saying how i was, would i be more relaxed next time, etc. I just told her that the only thing i regret was that when i left i didnt kiss her. Then bank holiday weekend came and my night was getting spoilt because my mates were annoying me, so i left to meet her. We dancd for a bit and went for a walk and a sit down somewhere quiet. Then out of the blue we started kissing and it was non stop and we were both enjoying it. She even propostioned me, but i declined as i enjoyed what we were doing there and i just wanted to go back insde and enjoy as the night was quite young. We both went our separate ways that night. Next day, whilst i was still in bed, she text me how i was, etc. I told her that i enjoyed last night, we should do it again, etc. We started texting again non stop and about a few weeks after, she claimed that i wasnt ready for a relationship, even though i knew i was. So i told her that i was ready, but if she needs time, then ti’ll wait and i’ll ask her out in a few months or something. Even though we texted each other often after that, the texts got less and less. Then about a month later i was out at a party and she texted me if i was out, if i was enjoying, etc. I text her back, whilst having a laugh saying stuff ike, by the time i meet you, you’d love me as my confidance would be high, etc. Later that night then, i saw her made the first move, we danced and kissed for most of the night, thats all we did really. Then when we left she said “I love you when your like this, you should be like that without a drink inside you” . We both gave each other a peck as she got into her tai as i arranged to share a taxi with other people. And i said i’ll text her soon. Next day she texts and said she enjoyed and asked why couldnt i be like that more often. A few days after that she stops texting, so i thought she may be busy, give her space, etc. She text me saying that we cant get together and gives me a list of “pathetic “reasons. Then she tells me, shes met someone on a dating sight and have been texting for a bit and shes meeting him soon. (Ths was like early november i found this out). By early december he virtualy moved in. Feburary he propsed and she claims shes in love. So shes now engaged to be married with to that man.

Things to consider are:

1. Shes my age and has 2 children. one is 4, one is 2 (i think)
2. She said before, during and after we kissed, etc that she had intimate dreams about me as well as dreaming about me and her doing things as a couple in everyday life.
3. Now apprantly my mate is claiming that shes told him that she wants to date her bloke and him as thier both nice guys. But i think that isnt true 😕
4. Even though she didnt say the exact words, shes stated on many ocassions that no guy would want a girl in her situation. Hint of desperation there, maybe?

What you think, is she in denial about being in love as in thinking she is, when she isnt? Is there desperation or a person being messed up there?
And for the record i’m over her, i’m just worried shes rushing into things and she may not even know him as none of her family/mates do as hes from noth england and shes from south wales.

I need help, which is why i’m on this forum, lol. And why would i want to join facebook and add you as a member as facebook is for friends, etc and the first thing i remember about you was being brutal towards me 😮 😕 😆 Seriously though i’m on here a lot incase i can find people in my situation whohave had their questions answered as well as people ansering questions that i want answers to.

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, I’d like you and my readers to all add me to Facebook because it’s another place to connect. I hope you’ll reconsider and see joining me on AskApril.com on Facebook as a positive step towards building a network of friends and colleagues and a cyber community that is supportive of your life and vice versa! 😀 So please join me. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

As for your questions, I don’t know that desperate or messed up are the terms I’d use to describe this woman you’re interested in. I think she has low self esteem, and she doesn’t yet have the tools to be in a healthy relationship that moves forward in a positive way in the long term.

She may or may not be in denial about being in love — lots of people think of love in different ways.

I hope that helps. 😀

[crazed-driver]

I’m only concerned/interested in her as a mate. All I know is you just said she can’t be in a healthy relationship as she hasn’t got the tools, etc and she is getting married. So basically all I want to know is, shall I mention anything to her, etc?

[Ask April Masini]

No. Her marriage to another man is none of your business. You should mind your own.

[Author]

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