[sammy]

So I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 9 months. This is my first serious relationship. It’s been really great; we’re both each other’s first loves and we both feel a deep connection to each other. But recently things have started to take a turn for the worse and we’ve hit a little rough patch. In the past few weeks my boyfriend has caught me in a couple white lies and just pointed out things that I haven’t told him but I was doing it to protect his feelings which ended up messing everything up anyways. I have tried to apologize but he says it’s not good enough. Some of the things that have happened:

• I told him the truth that I’ve never had an orgasm while we were having sex, throughout our entire relationship.
• I was so upset one night about a huge fight my parents had gotten into I actually cut my wrist; I immediately regretted it and hid the fact from him until he saw it and confronted me about it.
• I added back one of my old guy friends on facebook to talk to him about a bunch of friends getting together and deleted it off my profile because I originally deleted him off to show my boyfriend how much more I love him, so he thought I was being sneaky by deleting it off of my profile but I just didn’t want him to get mad.
• Then after telling him I wouldn’t go out with my friends to hang out with him, I ended up going because I wouldn’t have been able to make it to his place anyways, but that upset him.
• He looked through the history on my computer and saw I was looking at some of his close friends profiles very frequently (but honestly I don’t remember going to their profiles that often and just cruise around facebook when I’m bored) and says that he told me he doesn’t want me looking at other guys at all and now he thinks I’m more attracted to them.

He doesn’t really like me interacting with other guys and he has got a bad temper. Whenever we get into arguments about the things I do he always ends up saying really mean things to me that hurts my feelings when I’m trying to be calm about the situation, for example when we were arguing about some of the lies I had told, he was asking me questions to get me to tell the truth, he asked me one physical aspect of him that I would change and I told him I couldn’t think of anything he told me that I wasn’t fat but I could be skinnier to “prove his honesty”. He tells me that just because I’m not mean, it doesn’t mean I’m not a bad person, but because I put him through all of this and I have done so many horrible things to him, that that makes me a bad person.

Through all of thisI know he’s not a bad guy. I love him so much and I honestly think we are soul mates but I feel as if we can’t get past all this. I really need some advice about what I should do. Thanks in advance!

[crazed-driver]

When there’s no trust, its not possible to have a relationship. It sounds like he didn’t even trust you in the first place, before he found out you were lying. As of he did trust you, then he wouldn’t have minded you talking to ur old guy friends, which you proabably knew before u knew your boyfriend in the first place. The reason you may find it hard to move on, is because its your first love and they are the hardest to get over as its the first time you’ve had and pursed those feelings and you’d put up with almost anything not to have it spoilt. That’s why there’s a saying “There’s no love like your first love”.

My advice would be to end this relationship and find someone who can trust you as much as you can trust them. The first two features that a trustworthy person has are: 1 when you can confide in them and 2 when you can trust them around their mates who are members of the opposite sex. And it goes without saying that the guy must be able to feel like he can do those things with you too.

[Ask April Masini]

[b]Crazed-driver[/b] gave you some good advice. Trust is important in any relationship, but the real lack of trust wasn’t his of you — you [i]both [/i]didn’t trust each other. YOU didn’t trust that he could handle the truth, so to avoid his reactions to the truth, you hid them from him and lied to him. That kind of mistrust of your partner means you’re with the wrong guy. You need to be able to let someone see all of you and let yourself see all of them to promote intimacy.

That said, what is of most concern is that you slit your wrist after a fight your parents had. This is a serious problem and one that is more important than your relationship with your boyfriend. Please call a suicide hotline BEFORE you take any suicidal action and get help from professionals trained to help you with these serious feelings and behaviors.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go. And join me on Facebook — I’d love to see you at AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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