[ayla]

I’ve been married twice. My first husband cheated on me. Married for five years. My second husband was controlling and emotionally abusive. He told me I was his property. Married for 9 years.

He was married once and he only married her because she got pregnant. Not sure how long they were married. His last relationship lasted awhile but they never married. It ended because she was an alcoholic and he didn’t want to be in a co-dependent relationship.

I guess my whole problem with what happened Friday (that it wasn’t important to him to see me before he left) is just that. It wasn’t important to him. He texted me and said if he knew it was that important to me he would’ve waited to see me. I guess I was just hurt that it wasn’t important to him. I told him I don’t feel special.

I am trying to be realistic; but, at the same time I don’t want to be unhappy. I want to feel loved and cherished. Sometimes I just wonder if we are truly right for each other and also wonder if I am being too ‘needy’. I recognize that there are ups and downs in relationships; but, it seems I always want more than he gives (emotionally).

We met in March 2010 and he asked me to marry him last month. Some other facts: My three kids and I moved into his home by June 2010 and we talked about marriage within the first month. He works very hard and is ‘out of it’ mentally most of the time. I am always the one keeping the emotional connection alive. Our communication styles are in conflict most of the time as well. We both get very frustrated talking to each other when we get into a funk, which lasts at least a week and every month…possibly when I have my period…not related to pms. We don’t usually have sex when I have my period. We are both Aquarius.

When we get into this funk…which happened all last week…he is distant and I stop initiating emotional connectedness…I don’t want to be the only one to keep our love alive…so nothing happens…

The bottom line is this: I want to maintain the ‘togetherness’ (in love) state; but, recognize that it not possible 24/7. We both have our responsibilities and workload. I am in school, work part-time, and care for my three kids. He works full-time and overtime and is always working at home too. But, when the work is done and while work is being done…the connection should be right there…It is like he is living his life and I’m a side dish. But, he’s doing it all for (us)…like his comment regarding our last week funk, he said, “It’s only a week out of 365 days in our lifetime, its a drop in the bucket.” I think we are on opposite spectrums of emotional needs…

Wow…lots of info. Another aspect is that he doesn’t say words of affirmation…if he does it is in a text message or on FB.

On the other hand, he calls me Beautiful and has been constant in his declaration of love for me when asked…

[ayla]

I am experiencing the same phenomenon…I keep dreaming and thinking about someone else that I really care for and wonder the same thing. I am 38. I just got engaged and I am beginning to think that if things were going well in my relationship, then I wouldn’t be thinking about someone else. I don’t even know if the other person and I would even get together. I stopped all contact with him and told him I need to focus on my relationship I am in…that its too hard to even just have a friendship with him…he respects my decision.

I made that decision because I am the kind of person that would not leave someone for someone else…but, I understand your intense feelings…its like a little tap in the brain when things aren’t going so hot and the illusion of having a better relationship with someone else is just lurking there…

At the same time, I am engaged and am trying to figure out if its right or not…but, I decided to let that other person go so that I am not focusing on what it could be IF…

[Member]

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