[Teach76]

Okay, here it is reposted as a reply. I will say that I saw a doctor today and felt hope for the first time in awhile. I am going to be given a new medication to try and looking at an endocrinologist to check hormone levels. It may be that some of the reaction to the issue is larger than it normally would be due to underlying depression….however… I have to look at what triggered me too…

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I need serious help..to the point I am going to a therapist/doctor tomorrow to seek treatment because I am so distraught and depressed. I wrote here earlier about a man who pursued heavily for 2 years. He visited twice from several states, at a very large expense to himself, and he kept VERY regular contact…like a man in a relationship would. I KNEW he cared for me. I tried to back off a bit after he left from his visit and he STILL continued pursuit while saying we couldn’t manage a long distance relationship.

I guess my bitterness and self anger has taken over and I feel he was unfair to me also, which has lead to SEVERE depression. Right now, I can’t get out of bed because I feel hope is simply gone. I haven’t met anyone like him that I connected to and now a friendship is also gone due to our romantic involvement plus I feel as if I met possibly one of the best guys I’ve ever known.

He continued pursuing after he left and said things he shouldn’t have (regarding our future and his intent to return and discussions of marriage, moving to my state). After two phone calls he verbally committed to but didn’t live up to, and some behavior that was suspect, his calls have slowed down just this week.

This situation was my fault for becoming intimate with him, but I absolutely do not think I was crazy in thinking he was serious from the things he told me, which led me to feel that I was safe with him (over 2 years). My friends completely agreed when I asked them to assess as well. I don’t know how to trust men…it seems this always happens and they will say anything. So that leaves me being very wary and fearful of being vulnerable. Is he really a BAD guy and I didn’t see it… was I played? I feel really confused.

Right now, I have to let him go and get power back over my heart and mind regardless. I cannot be in this shape anymore and it is disrupting my life entirely. He wants to remain friends and says he doesn’t want to lose me. Part of me worries that it will shut down any future possibilities if I blow him off. However, I am suffering greatly because I am in love with him.

He is a Facebook friend and CONSTANTLY comments on ALL of my posts. Any advice how to help me move on? Is it a knee jerk reaction to unfriend him to help get my feet back to solid ground? …This is what I am thinking I should do but not sure… my emotions are such a wreck that I don’t want to do anything ultra stupid but I have to take care of ME.

Thanks for the help…

[Teach76]

I don’t know, but I want to applaud you for caring about your wife like that. It gives me hope that there are men out there who don’t cheat like most. Maybe you are subconsciously somehow sending vibes to keep those away who might threaten your ability to stay faithful???… I’m sorry for your situation. It sounds really sad. 😥

[Teach76]

I am 37, we have both been married previously, divorced 10 years each. We both have kids and not really looking for more of them. I would like to (hopefully) be married by 40, but we all know things don’t always work the way we hope!

I’m just not sure how to respond to his contact…. blow him off or keep being friendly. I know I can’t stay in the unknown area too long.

Thanks again!

[Teach76]

I want a serious committed, monogamous relationship that will lead to marriage.

Do men really pursue harder or do they just give up and get frustrated if you stop responding to them? He is close to 50 so I hope he is past the playing days, but who knows.

With him, I sort of swing between wanting to flirt with him and talk like a dear friend, then thinking I should just ignore him completely to protect my heart since there is so much unknown. You are right, it just recently became serious for me and I fell pretty hard and unexpectedly. He is a great catch. I just don’t understand him dropping SO MUCH money on travel to see me… I really don’t and I wouldn’t do that unless I felt there might be a future with someone.

Any advice for how to treat the situation and how to respond to his CONSTANT contact from here out? (It is all the time and has been consistent for two years…)

Thank you so much for your answer earlier…it made perfect sense.

[Member]

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