[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

Take one step at a time. It sounds like you have a loving, committed relationship, but you’re still living at home and your parents aren’t supportive all the time. Since you want to move out at age 18 to avoid the parental conflict, why not take an interim step: Get jobs and move out so you can support yourselves living separately, or with roommates, but not together just yet. This step will help you avoid a rushed romantic move. It gives you the opportunity to solve your problem, but not rush into a living together. While you’re working and living independently from your parents, you can date and see what it’s like to live adult lives with responsibilities and forge a mature relationship with each other beyond what you have. It’ll be a mature, building block towards something bigger. If things go well for six to twelve months of dating, while living on your own, then consider moving in together. I know you’re upset about his mother’s feelings about you, but you wouldn’t be the first girlfriend or wife who had mother in law issues. 😉 Breathe. Find your sense of humor and take the high road, and if you do move out, try living with girlfriends who are roommates for the first year away from your parents. It’ll build independence and it’s nice to have the support of good roommates and friends for problems with family — and romantic relationships. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It seems like you’re looking for ways to give up. I don’t think you should. 🙁 You’ve liked her for a long time and never made a move. You can do it now, or you can wait — but I think you need to practice some Carpe Diem! Seize the day and change the dynamic in your relationship with her by changing your behavior. 😉 Texting her to hang out or to cover your half of the dinner isn’t romantic and it isn’t getting you out of the friend zone. You have to start doing things differently if you want a different outcome. If you like her, and you don’t act, you’re going to have regrets — and that’s way worse than acting and getting shot down. Don’t panic, but do make a grand gesture to try and reboot the relationship and shift it out of the friend zone. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

While you may feel rejected — if you want to date her, you need to get over those feelings and focus on your goal. 😉 Besides, she didn’t really do anything wrong — she invited you to dinner and when you said you lost your wallet, she offered to pay for your dinner. That’s just generous. 🙂 And she probably invited her friends at the last minute because she felt weird that she had asked you to dinner and was fearful of appearing to be too pushy or forward. The ball is really in your court.

You’re letting your feeling get in the way of your success — fear of looking creepy in front of her friends prevented you from flirting. 🙁 Fear of looking creepy to her is keeping you from sending flowers. 🙁 Time to get over those fears! 😀 If you make a mistake, it’ll be an honest one, but if you hit a home run, you’ll get her attention. Isn’t the risk worth the possible embarrassment? I think so!

You have to change your behavior so that she sees you as someone who cares more about dating her than you do about your own embarrassment. When you put her first — or a date with her first — you’re going to look like boyfriend material. 😀 Take the step — yes, it’s bold — but you need to break out of the friend zone. It can be roses, some other gift — but it’s got to be something that shatters the pattern you’ve been in for the last few years.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have to get out of the friend zone! You’re mired in it, and she tried to leverage a date, but it sounds like you kept things friendly when you had an opportunity for romance. 😕 She likes you, but she’s not getting the message that you like her as more than a friend, in spite of the flirting. You have to dial it up. If you’ve lost your wallet, let that be your problem, not a shared one. You have to pivot from being a friend to being boyfriend material. So, send her a dozen roses with a card that insinuates you want more than friendship, and follow up by asking her out on a date — use the word ‘date’. Make it romantic, hold hands, kiss and set the new baseline normal for dating, not friendship. I know this is a leap for you after being her friend for a few years, but unless you change your profile, she’s going to feel rejected. Her asking you to have dinner with her was her attempt to move this to dating, and she didn’t get the response she wanted. She feels rejected and is giving you the cold shoulder to protect herself. Break down the wall and change the relationship status. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Why not just take the labels off? You’re trying to define your sexuality and that’s limiting you. Just enjoy yourself and don’t name who or what you are. Just be. See what you like and what you don’t like. Make your exploration simpler. When you try to figure out if you’re heterosexual, homosexual, wanting to be a female or not, you get confused? So remove that piece of the process that’s an impediment — labeling. Since you don’t seem to be interested in dating relationships, it really feels like you’re trying to know [i]you [/i]better and you’re doing this by exploring your sexuality. I suggest you continue what you’re doing as long as you’re learning and finding pleasure, but do take a step back to gain some perspective and remove all labels while you’re exploring. This will give you freedom. And the freer you are, the more likely you are to figure out that it’s okay to like what you like and to be yourself. The labels are really just a way to interact with others and they’re quick ways to let people know who you are — and I guess since you’re hiring escorts, you need the labels to some degree, but since this overall process is your self exploration, you don’t need those labels for you to learn about yourself. In fact, they’re holding you back, so let them go.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Not everybody has the same level of intensity or the same time clock. It sounds like you want him to be as intense or as deep as you are [i]when[/i] you are, and either he’s just not as interested as going there as you are, or he doesn’t have that level of intensity like you do, or he simply isn’t in a place in the relationship where he is inclined to do so, while you are. It also may simply be that you’re looking to him to fulfill all your needs and if you looked to others for those intense conversations you want to have with him, and instead, simply accepted him as someone who isn’t that deep or doesn’t want to have those conversations with you, you could make it work.

Whatever it is, the ball’s in your court and it’s going to be more productive for[i] you[/i] to make changes, than it is for you to hope he will. In other words, if you can look to friends and family to fulfill some of the needs that you’re currently hoping he will, you may be okay continuing to date him. Or if you can hang in there because this is who he is and that’s enough for you — or because you understand that he may reveal more of himself in another year than he has now (especially since he’s only 19), then you should. But…. if you’re so bored and frustrated with the relationship that you become cranky and negative, then let it go. Really nice people aren’t always compatible people. You’re someone who’s looking for more and unless you can hang back and let him be who he is, you should find someone who’s more intense and passionate.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you know where she works, you can call her company and ask for her. That’s a great way to connect. Old school phone calls are romantic and if you do get her you can have a conversation with her, that, if it goes well, can turn into you asking her if she’d like to have coffee or brunch on a weekend. That’s a way to see her without having a traditional romantic date, which may seem to threatening and confusing for someone who’s coming out of a relationship with mixed feelings. Don’t slide into the friend zone, but if you get a chance to see her, make it something fun like going to a museum on a weekend, the zoo, going for a hike somewhere beautiful…. You can also leave her a little gift like a book or a bouquet of pretty flowers or something else that’s kind and thoughtful, but light. You want to try and get her attention in a positive, non-threatening way, and build on that.

Hope that helps. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She’s in the process of breaking up with a live in boyfriend — that’s the good news! But breakups are not always clean or swift. This may take time. And they can be confusing for the people doing the breaking up. She probably has mixed feelings right now, and while she appreciated the birthday roses and feels drawn to you, she may still have feelings for her ex, in spite of the dust up with the police. She blocked you on Facebook because she’s confused about her feelings towards you given her recent breakup (and possible reconciliation), and needed to simplify her life so she can move forward with it — whether towards the ex or away from him. You know how it is when life seems overwhelming — people tend to take shelter to sort out their feelings and make their decisions. And there is rarely a straight line taken from point A to point B. That’s what the blocking you on Facebook is about. She needs space to figure out her life. That said…. you should keep up a steady drum beat of small gestures that let her know you’re interested and you want to date her and be her man. The roses were great — and they made an impact. Be a little more direct (instead of having a buddy put them in her car, you take on that job from here on in). Ask her to have lunch, leave her little gifts, and without being a stalker, just let her know you’re a great option for when she’s ready.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s trying to get your attention because he likes you! When you dated for three months and he told you he couldn’t see the two of you together, it’s because he sensed you wanted a serious relationship and he wasn’t interested in the same thing. He was doing you a kindness by setting you free — even though it may not have seemed that way. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you, doesn’t want to date you without a commitment, and doesn’t want to amuse himself by connecting with you. He’s a guy who’s not ready to settle down and he’s having fun. That’s why he’s contacting you in these various ways. He’s not really doing anything wrong, and the choice is yours whether you return his attentions or not. Just be aware that he’s a fun guy who’s looking for fun — not necessarily commitment. 😉 You get to be whoever you want to be, and the way you respond to him is part of who you are. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your live-in boyfriend is going on dating sites, interacting with other women, and has been looking for dates for about a month. You’ve caught him, and he’s pretty much admitted it. I know you’re disappointed and you want him to stop. You want a commitment that is monogamous, and you’re surprised by his behavior that he hid from you. You’re also confused because he tells you how much he loves you when you get upset about his behavior. However, the reality is that he’s holding onto you until he finds someone he’d rather date, and he’s actively looking. You mentioned that he’s been divorced for three years now, and the two of you have been living together for eight months now and that you’re helping to raise his young son. You didn’t mention how long the two of you dated prior to living together, so I’m going to assume it wasn’t long. Sounds like the decision to move in together was rushed, given what you’re learning about him in month eight, and that he started looking for dates in month seven. 😳

My advice is that you change your behavior instead of looking to him to change his. It’s easy to give ultimatums — but they usually fail, and when you’re giving them this early in a relationship, it’s usually because there is a compatibility problem. Unfortunately, if you want monogamy, I think you have to take a step backwards and move out of his place and look for it elsewhere. He’s not ready for it, and after seven months of living together, he started looking for dates. You can still date him when you move out, but you have to understand that he’s playing the field (and you should, too), because he’s still looking for his Ms. Right. For future, wait a year before moving in with someone. It allows you to use the dating process to really get to know a person and to see if he’s someone you want a commitment with. Of course, sometimes people find out these secrets in long-term marriages, but if you hadn’t been living together, this might have played out differently. Woulda, shoulda, coulda — but given where you are, it’s time to move on and look for monogamy with someone who wants it with you, as well.

I hope this helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Wait a few days and then give her a call. Be upbeat and let her know you want to see her again! If she’s not responsive to your text and to your phone call, then drop it and move on. But definitely try the phone this time. If she does respond, her voice will give you clues about her feelings and vice versa. I think it’s too soon to be talking to her about a future together in terms of flying to see each other. If you have a third date then you can mention it without coming on too strong. And if you do mention it on that date, any conversation that follows will be a great way to learn her feelings about your idea of commuting on a one hour plane ride back and forth. She may like the idea, or she may not be up for it, but first you need to get that third date and then bring it up while things are going well on that date. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to readjust your expectations! 😉 When someone takes hours to respond to your text, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you. It means they’re busy. People with lots going on very often take a full day to respond to a text that isn’t urgent. So don’t worry the way you have been, if someone is taking hours to respond to a text, it doesn’t mean they’re not interested in you. In addition, when you ask someone out by text, you’re not giving the date a lot of value. Texting is great because it’s quick and easy, but it isn’t a way to let someone know you really care. If you want to make more of an impression, pick up the phone and call her. When you hear each others’ voices and pick up all the nuances (and respond to them) that come through in a live phone call, you can create a lot more intimacy with someone you want to get to know better. 😎 She may think that because you’re inviting her to get together via text, because you’re not that interested — which is ironic because you’re wondering if she’s interested! She may be wondering the same thing.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Definitely give her a day or two to respond. She has a busy life and if she responds tomorrow, that doesn’t mean she’s not interested. It just means that the two of you have had two great dates and she hasn’t responded for a request for a third date. 😉 Also, if she’s really sick — like if she has the flu — she may not be up for going out for a few weeks. So, for now, hang back and let her respond in her own time. It’s also a way for you to gauge how interested she is. Sometimes people don’t respond right away because they’re busy. Other times, however, it’s because they’re not sure they want to go on that date you’ve asked about. The pause in that case, may be an indication of her interest, so if she doesn’t text back in a few days, you might want to realize she’s not that interested. Bottom line: Give this all some time and if you don’t hear from her tomorrow, wait a week and then try her once more. Ask her how she’s feeling and if she’s better. If she doesn’t respond to that request, either, then move on. 😉

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