[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you a couple of nice dates, and then things got a little more serious and a little less fun. What you want to try to do is to re-capture that fun, and to be alluring and enticing and flirt with him! 😎 Try not to be needy or desperate — and try not to be responsible for scheduling a date. When you get into scheduling (and being disappointed that you’re both so busy), you’re not someone he can’t wait to be with. You’re another scheduling issue in his life that is full of them already. So, just be the sparkly girlfriend he wants to chase after and date. 😉 If and when the two of you do text, talk or see each other, try to put the focus on the two of you — not on parenting, responsibilities and other things that drag down a new relationship. He wants romance in the relationship and he doesn’t want responsibility right now. So, be that romantic partner! In addition, be understanding of his schedule, and don’t express disappointment when he can’t get away — but do express delight when he can. He needs someone to be light, sexy and fun — because he’s got a lot of responsibility and work in his life with his kids and his career. So, you be the break he can’t wait to give himself! Don’t chase after him at this point — but do be really happy to see him at work, and flirt! You got his attention once — you can do it again. Just try to rewind and reboot and be the woman he wants to chase after. That’s the dynamic you want to try and elicit and nurture.

I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When you date someone with children you have to learn to be [i]super[/i] flexible. 😉 The kids do come first — and it won’t always be that way, but while they’re minors, they will. But don’t despair, because the great news is that you and your boyfriend have a one year anniversary. 😀 And it sounds like you’re just disappointed about this one incident — his daughter is coming home unexpectedly and he wants to be able to see her on Sunday, which is your free weekend day and the day you were hoping to celebrate with just him. I get it. It’s a bummer. You have to change your plans. You’re disappointed. But take a look at the bigger picture. Your anniversary is going to happen — and that’s the important thing, and you can celebrate it on any day in the world! 😎 In fact, why not pick a different day or a different night to celebrate? Or…. compromise by giving in on Saturday. If the funeral is in the morning, go out with him to celebrate Saturday night. If the funeral is in the afternoon, have a romantic champagne brunch ahead of time. Or celebrate the following weekend!! 🙂 Find a way to make this work because it’s easy to get into relationship conflict with your future step-daughters, but it’s a lot more productive to make this relationship you have with their dad work. Holidays – like Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays and even anniversaries have to be source of flexibility because there are so many relationships between the five of you (you, your boyfriend, his kids and their mom). Breathe. Take the high road, and be creative, flexible and triumphant. You can celebrate your relationship any weekend of the year — don’t get rigid about dates. Focus on your feelings for your boyfriend, instead.

Hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re upset. It must be disappointing to have someone you felt used to be your best friend, ignoring you and flirting with other women. 🙁 The problem you’re facing is that he was straight up with you when he said he didn’t want a relationship at all. Not with you. Not with anyone. When a guy tells you this, he means it. Some people are just not interested in a commitment and want to play the field. So, I think you have to take him at his word. And that means you need to move on. If you do, and he changes his mind and comes back to you, you’ll know that he felt he made a mistake. But unless you do move on you’ll never have that opportunity. I know it’s scary to let go, but in this case, it’s like ripping off the bandaid. He’s not into you and your life is going to be better if you accept that and start dating other people. Stay busy, do things that are fun and interesting. Accept invitations and offer them, as well. Focus on yourself and after a while, you won’t feel as badly that he’s flirting with other people — because you will be, too. You may even be dating someone different. Be careful not to step int traps — like the friend zone. You should definitely not be there for him as a friend. After all, do you really want to hear about him dating other women? I know the answer to that is no — so don’t even think about befriending him. Just move on. And when guys tell you they don’t want a relationship, accept it and move on. It’s just an incompatibility, but it’s one you shouldn’t ignore.

I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

That’s awful! 😮

And when you get over the shock…. ask yourself what is going to be worse for you: not saying anything to your best friend and having him find out down the line ( because he will find out eventually) that you knew and said nothing, or having him find out now, weeks before his wedding. Either way you’re going to feel uncomfortable — so there’s no way around that. But it’s also not your fault. You stumbled into this, and now you have choices to make.

My advice is to talk to your brother and your best friend’s fiancee separately (and soon). Tell them that they owe it to your best friend — and themselves — to come clean and be honest. Explain that living this lie is going to eat away at them, and eventually, one of them will crack and tell your best friend — and the other will seem like the bad guy in a bad situation. Encourage them to come clean to your best friend because that’s really who should be talking to him. Tell them you can’t promise them that you won’t tell your best friend — at least be honest to them about that. Explain that this isn’t how you want to conduct your life, and since you’ve stumbled into this mess, you now have a secret you are not comfortable keeping and don’t intend to keep.

Hopefully, they’ll hear your voice of strength and reason. It’s unfair for them to involve you in a lie. So let them know you won’t be keeping their secret and therefore, you’ll give them a week to come clean, but then you just aren’t sure if, when or how you’re going to talk to your best friend, but that that will be between you and him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you should let go and move on. 🙁 I know this is disappointing for you, but after dating for five years, four of them long-distance, he’s made it clear that he’s not interested in marriage. If he wanted you back, he’d come after you, but I think that his young age, the geographical distance between you, and the pressure you both felt about whether or not to marry, ultimately made this relationship combust. I completely understand how you wanted the relationship to end in marriage, but because he didn’t bring it up first, and because it because something you were impatient about, it created a wedge between you. You’re not wrong to want to get married — but the problem is, you were incompatible on this issue at this time.

I think that the reason the three months since you broke up have been so difficult is because you don’t really have a sense yet, that it’s over. You’re young and five years is a long time at any age — but at your age, it’s a big chunk of your life! If you accept the break up as final and grieve the ending of the relationship, you’re going to have an easier time moving on, then if you keep checking to see if he’s still there. And when you do move on, play the field, looking for someone who is ready for the same things in life you are. If you want marriage, date guys who seem to want the same thing, and don’t commit to someone who has lots of good qualities — but not what you really need in life. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I went back and read your previous posts — I think it’s great that you’re looking at the reasons why he broke up with you and are coming up with things you can do to improve your own situation. 😉 You talked about poor social skills — and this is definitely something you can work on. The way to do this is to get out there and interact on different levels, socially. Make new friends. Reconnect with old friends. And play the field by dating. Hone in on what is uncomfortable and where you think your social skills need work. I think it’s great you’re working out and focusing on your health and fitness — that’s always a plus. No ever regrets that area of improvement! 😉 So be proud — you’re doing great. I know this is hard and it hurts… but there is no short cut. You’re doing the hard work. Keep going.

Lastly, having no contact is definitely a way to give him an opportunity to miss you and since it’s only been since February 4th that you’ve really broken up, you’re going to have to use discipline to not contact him and to stay away from social media. No contact really means NO CONTACT. So get busy working on your social skills and your health goals. Join gyms, take classes and do things that are fun and feel good. The healthier you are, the more he is going to notice the difference and see you for someone he’s having second thoughts about having broken up with.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

That’s great advice. Let us know how things are going.

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