[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

You may be able to fix this…. but not this week or this month or next month. In other words…. you need to show this woman that you do have impulse control and aren’t desperate, and that means you have to back off big time, for now. 😉

The problem is that when you contacted her 35 times in 36 hours, you came across as desperate — and she feels you were creepy and rude by disrespecting her boundaries. I’m sure you didn’t intend to present this kind of an image, but that’s how she took it. You were thinking about your own needs and trying to do fast and furious damage control for protecting your relationship with your mother at the expense of your relationship with her. So, now, it’s time to start strategizing by thinking of your relationship with your romantic partners and how to balance them with the rest of your life. 😉 I know that staying away and not contacting this woman is going to be tough for you, but you have to show her that you’re respectful of her boundaries and you do have a life of your own without her.

To really do that, I think you should get your own home instead of living with your mother. Since you’re 30 years old, having your own place will show that you’re serious about being single, independent and ready for a romantic relationship with a partner. Next, I think you should stop answering your mother’s phone calls while you’re on dates. If she’s sick or ill, get her a babysitter like you would a child — so that you can focus on dating. 😉

Hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

This guy you’ve been dating for two months, took you to on a trip to San Francisco, and then left you in the hotel and drove eight hours home without you — and you’re stranded!? 😯 That’s awful! It’s very immature and it’s really bad manners and it doesn’t speak well of his character. 😕 The good news is that you learned this about him early in the relationship so you haven’t invested too much and that’s the silver lining. The bad news is that you had to rent a car and drive home alone. I’m sorry you went through this. 🙁

For now, you should definitely move on — don’t contact him. He owes you a huge apology. And, frankly, anyone who treats you this way isn’t worth your time. I think it’s time for you to start dating other people, and for future, use the first three months of dating to simply decide if you both want to continue dating each other as you get to know each other. Don’t even consider monogamy until six months of dating. This many seem like a very slow timeline — but it works because it allows you to get to know each other before getting committed too quickly. 😉

As for your feelings of still wanting him — ask yourself why you’d want to be with someone who would treat you this way. If this happened to your sister or your best friend, wouldn’t you tell them to move on? This isn’t someone who cares about you enough to treat you well, and if you want the respect that comes with true love, then you have to look elsewhere for it. I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s really difficult when your partner’s family dislikes you. That kind of strain can take a toll on the relationship. Plus, it sounds like the fact that his father recently came back into his life is making his father’s opinion of you a little more valuable to him on some level, because he probably doesn’t want to lose touch with his dad again. The one time he did briefly break up with you is probably making you really anxious that it could happen again. 🙁

Here’s some advice you can try: First of all, allow them to dislike you — but turn the other cheek and you be nice and gracious to them in spite of their dislike. You’re going to have to win them over. 😉 Not everyone likes people right of the bat, and many in-laws don’t get along with their kids’ spouses, so don’t dig in and fight back — instead, kill them with kindness. If your boyfriend sees you’re making an effort in spite of their bad behavior and dislike of you, he’s going to be more inclined to take an active role in protecting the relationship he has with you. It’s important for your relationship with him to be strong and face his father and sister with a smile and a good nature. Let their dislike of you be their problem — not yours. When you give their dislike of you weight, it becomes important. If you can laugh it off and focus on what’s good, it will fade away.

Next, lower your expectations. Your’e probably very nice and you have lots of friends and aren’t used to people disliking you. Consider yourself lucky — and stepping into the “real world” where sometimes people don’t like you — because of who they are and what’s going on in their lives — not because of anything you’ve done. Try to feel empathy, and don’t expect a glowing reception. If you can do that, you won’t be so disappointed.

Hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes, definitely wait for him to reach out to you. The ball’s in his court. If he doesn’t, then move on. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but if he doesn’t contact you, he’s not interested, and you’ll have clarity. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re upset. It sounds like you’re really invested in this six month relationship and it’s not paying off. 🙁 You’re looking to him to give you the commitment you want and the love you need and he’s not doing it. So, here’s my advice: First of all, make all your communication with him upbeat, sexy, enticing and alluring. When you become needy, he’s looking at a girlfriend who he’s not satisfying, so he’s not going to find you attractive the way he will when you’re someone he wants. I know it’s tough because you are feeling needy, but the catch here is that you have to take care of yourself so that when you do have contact with him, it’s a pleasure, not a burden. 😉

Next, take care of you! Stop knocking on doors that are closed. Get out there and have some fun! You can join a new gym, take an art or cooking class, give yourself a makeover, host a party, go to a spa with a friend — give yourself the emotional, social and physical nourishment you need to be okay with a boyfriend who’s long distance and maybe having doubts about the relationship. If you want to date and play the field, given the circumstances, that’s okay. Long distance relationships require a longer leash because there’s so much uncertainty as a result of the distance. And…. this relationship is still new. Typically, I suggest you date for six months before deciding whether or not to be monogamous — and that’s in an “in town” relationship. Add a little time to long distance relationships.

Bottom line, you have to back away a little and see this for what it is — a new, wobbly relationship where your guy isn’t sure about his commitment to you, and it’s long distance so you don’t have lunch dates during the week, sleepovers every weekend, etc. Take good care of you — and you’ll feel better because there will be less emphasis on your investment in this newish relationship. I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You wrote that you’ve put her through an emotional roller coaster. 😕 Nobody likes to be dragged through unnecessary drama. It’s exhausting and it’s consuming. And it takes a toll on the relationship, as you can see. 🙁 This is why she’s telling you she’s confused at her feelings. She’s had enough of the drama and it’s creating a situation for her that makes the relationship not worth her time and energy. 🙁

For future, work on your impulse control when it comes to drama. Try to anticipate the toll your needs are going to take on a partner. This woman is making it clear that she’s under duress because of your emotional roller coasters. Try to live more healthfully and peacefully and you’ll find that you’ll bring health and peace to any and all relationships you’re in as a result. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

Something is bothering him and it sounds serious. And… it’s a mystery.

My first piece of advice is to get off of texting. Texting is great, but you need a more personal method. Call him on the phone and tell him you’re worried and you want to know if he’s okay and what you can do to help. Make it about him and be generous. Next, drop off some homemade cookies or a little gift like that, at his place with a little love letter telling him that you know he’s got a lot on his mind and that you don’t know what it is but you’re there for him and you want to help and hear to hear. This may not be about you. Someone may have died, gotten sick, or there may be some upset at his work that he’s ashamed to tell you about like his getting fired. It’s awful to play the guessing game, but it’s also important to not assume this is about you. When you do contact him — whether it’s phone, love letter, snail mail or even more texting — ask him what’s wrong. Really focus on asking. Tell him you’re worried, and hope he’ll tell you what’s going on. If he doesn’t respond after the homemade cookies, give it one last shot — this time try a snail mail letter and in this, let him know you love him, loved meeting his family, and are worried, and being shut out with no information about someone you care about, is really difficult and you hope he’ll pick up the phone and call you.

If he doesn’t contact you — or just continues with the curt, chilly messages that don’t really let you know what’s going on, after dating for seven months and vacationing together, he [i]should[/i] give you a clue and a little more explanation about the relationship. You’re being very polite and you’re not pushing, but if it gets to the point where this isn’t a relationship any more, it’s a mystery hunt for clues — and that’s all it is — you have to let him know that you want him but you don’t want to wait around for ever like this. Try the phone call, the drop-off at the doorstep gift, and maybe an email or another phone call… and if after a couple more weeks, he’s still giving you the silent treatment, there’s not a lot more you can do to make this relationship work.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re making a lot of excuses instead of taking action. 😉 All you have to do is ask her out, and you shouldn’t wait any more. You’ve had a crush on her for over six years – it would be a shame to let any more time go by and possibly lose your opportunity. Carpe diem!

I know you want to ask her out in person, but since you don’t live close by, pick up the phone. Women love to hear a man’s voice, and it’s one of the things that actually bonds them to you. You may not realize this, but your voice is an attractor when it comes to women, so call her up and ask her out. Make a plan to see her and follow through.

This isn’t complex — you’re just overthinking it. Don’t worry so much about catching her off guard — in fact, it could be very romantic if you do! And don’t worry about the lack of communication recently — because if she says yes to your date, you’ll be in touch with her a lot more!

Lastly, don’t share your feelings — share an experience together. Have a romantic dinner or a special date where you take her somewhere beautiful to have an adventure together. If you want to build a romance together, then start by calling her, asking her out and making a plan that you follow through on. You’ll be so much happier when you start taking action — and so will she! 😎

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re dating someone who lied to you about having kids, and even worse, he’s complicit with the mother of his children in tricking her boyfriend into believing the kids are [i]his [/i]— so that poor guy is paying to support your boyfriend’s children as well as loving them like they’re his own. This is pretty despicable. 😯 [b][i]Of course[/i][/b], you should leave him and find someone who is honest, respectful and good. You aren’t confused. You’re disappointed and you don’t want to have to stand up for what’s right — people like your boyfriend look for folks like you who he can control and keep from doing the right thing. Time for you to man up. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Kids are a deal breaker — and it’s great that the two of you are being so honest and upfront early on because you do want a life partner and you don’t want to waste time with someone who’s not interested in what you bring to the table — an adopted daughter. I know you like her, but her hesitance about your simply having a kid should be a flashing yellow light, if not a red light, for you. And when I heard her question your love for an adopted child, it really made her sound like someone who is not mature or open minded. She may also be grappling with your being a parent and trying to make it work for her, but her own demons are bubbling up and her talking negatively about adoption may just be her way of projecting her unhappiness about your having a child at all, onto the adoption factor.

I think that the writing is on the wall — she’s not a good life partner for you because she’s not someone who really embraces having a blended family with your child, and she’s negative on adoption which is a huge part of yours and your daughter’s lives. I know you like her — but you can like or even love someone and they’re not compatible for a long-term relationship. That’s what’s happening here. Consider that your confusion is really just disappointment. I’m glad you only invested three months in this relationship because I think it’s time for you to find someone who wants kids, and embraces your adopted daughter, easily.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sometimes no response is a response. 😕 I think it’s great that you asked her out, and I think it’s a bummer that she’s not interested, but that’s the message she’s sending you by not accepting your dates. Time to move on. It’s great you cut to the chase and asked her out quickly without wasting time, and now you can find someone who is interested in dating you! 🙂

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