[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for clarifying the facts. Now that you’ve made it clear to me that he DOES have a job, but is really just looking for a better job, I don’t see him as some deadbeat guy. What I do see is that he is wary of taking on the burden of an unemployed single mother and her child. I think when he started making excuses about the relationship, he wasn’t necessarily committed to those excuses. He just didn’t know how to tell you he was worried about taking on such a burden in a girlfriend if the two of you became serious. Which, as you acknowledge, is understandable. His advice to you to get a job and save up to be able to move out of your parents house is good advice. It’s not just good advice for your relationship with this guy (or any future man), it’s good advice for you as a person with or without a man in your life. So I give this guy credit for looking out for your best interest.

What doesn’t come up in his advice, which may be because he is not a parent, is your child. Dating as a single mother — or father — comes with special circumstances. I do not believe it’s a good idea to have your child aware of or knowledgeable of your dates. It can be too confusing for your child. So my advice is to only date when your child is at her grandparents home or in the care of a babysitter. Instead of having your date come to your home, meet him somewhere to avoid having your child know what you’re doing. If and when you get serious with a boyfriend, and intend to marry him, that’s when you can start introducing your child to your date, but not before. So budget babysitters and grandparent sleep overs into your financial calendar and your time calendar!

If you can and do do those things mentioned above, then I think that it’s okay for you to start dating this guy. He’s given you some good advice — regardless of whether or not he’s [i]the one[/i]. I think I have, too — regardless of whether or not he’s [i]the one[/i]. And if you follow the advice, you should be free and clear to explore this relationship. But remember to be open minded and protective of yourself when you’re dating anyone. You’re worth it. So is your child!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How can he be a good man if he runs from his problems and can’t stay in a relationship? And why would you fall in love with a man like that?

Make sure you understand what you have to offer a man and how important you are. When you finally do realize how much you are worth in a relationship and what a good girlfriend and wife you could be, then you’ll understand that you deserve someone who is [i]really[/i] a good man, and not someone who runs from his problems, can’t hold down a relationship and doesn’t call you. You deserve the best, so make sure that’s what you look for in a man.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He isn’t playing games with you. He’s just not interested in you as a girlfriend right now because you were too pushy for him. He’s on a much slower clock than you are, but bottom line is that you broke a cardinal dating rule: Don’t chase men!

You should be attractive, charming and flirtatious. But if you are all that and he doesn’t ask you out after a conversation, or try to contact you again, then he’s not interested, and you should move on to other men who may be interested. Or in this case, maybe he was going to contact you, or maybe he wanted to run into you in person again before asking you out — but you took that opportunity away from him by pushing yourself on him. When a man rejects you — even if it’s just for now — it’s a gift because if you accept the gift, you don’t waste time or emotional energy like you’ve done.

In addition to which, at some point in time, this guy might have decided that he was in a place (socially, emotionally, financially or some other way or combination of ways) to want to ask you out. If you hadn’t gone after him and created drama, he might have still held out that image of you as an attractive former neighbor of his who he’d like to get in contact with. You see, men like to chase women because it makes them feel naturally good about being a man. It’s their instinct to hunt, chase and capture. When you give them something to hunt, chase and capture, in yourself, you’re giving them a big prize, so that if and when they do win you over, they feel like they’ve done something really great, and gotten a big prize. They feel good about themselves because of what they’ve done. When you chase them, you take that dynamic away from them.

When a man has a great conversation with you in person and doesn’t ask for any way to contact you to meet further, he’s not interested in a date. Possibly at that time, or possibly ever. But you have to let him run the dating show in terms of doing the asking out and the asking for phone numbers, e-mail addresses, etc. He’s 35. He knows how to get your contact information. In fact, he knows where your parents live. If he wanted to ask you out on a date, he knew how to find you. But he didn’t. At that time. You should have let it all be.

When you contacted him on Facebook, you chased him. When he rejected your Facebook friendship request, you chased him [i]again[/i] by emailing him and chastising him. Bad move. There was no reason to scold him for not “friending” you on Facebook. He didn’t do anything wrong. When he finally did add you, then read your e-mail and took you off of his Facebook page as a friend, and told you he didn’t like your e-mail, you should understand, that there’s no confusion. He isn’t playing games. To him, you’re being really pushy and demanding. He’s not interested.

You feel badly because you acted too quickly, and wrongly. You shouldn’t have told him your feelings, let alone been the aggressor — even on a website. So, as for the bad feelings you’re having about yourself….learn what you did and what you’ll do next time with someone else, instead. If you really feel badly, that is going to be a tool and it’s going to help you NOT do the same thing next time. It’s like when kids touch a hot stove and burn themselves badly enough not to want to do it again. So feel badly, and learn from your mistakes. We [i]all[/i] make them, but only the best of us learn from them, and I believe you’re part of the latter group.

If you do ever see him again, smile, wave and don’t start the conversation. If after a while he does start a conversation, and your past behavior does come up, make light of it, but be clear that you made a mistake. You can even say, “I’m sorry — I shouldn’t written what I did. I don’t do [i]that[/i] kind of thing any more!” And laugh. Who knows. You may get another shot with this guy.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re making this too complicated. When I advised you to date other people, I didn’t mean [i]make believe[/i] people. I meant real people. This wasn’t just advice for her to make you think that you’re a man who’s attractive to other women, it was meant to let [i]you[/i] know that you are attractive to other women and that you have other options. Right now, you’re lying to her and if you ever do date her, you’re going to have a relationship built on lies, not honesty. Think about what could happen if you do get her to date you based on these lies you’re telling and showing her. If she ever finds out you lied to her, you run the risk of her not trusting you. Why would you take that risk with someone you care about? That’s how relationships fall apart. You don’t want to start one that’s destined for failure, so start being honest.

When people are insecure about themselves, they try to manipulate situations, and that’s what you’re doing, rather than telling the truth or behaving truthfully. My advice was not to lie to her, but to truly and honestly date other people. If she sees you with other people, she may tend to want you more, and then you can ask her out [i]if you choose to[/i], at that time.

The solution to your problem is not to wonder what other women, like this girl you like, are thinking and feeling. The solution to your problem is to figure out why you are focused on someone who isn’t that interested and why you need to manipulate her with lies in order to get a date.

Until you feel secure enough to know that you are a good catch and a man who’s willing to be a good date and a good boyfriend, you’re can’t be those things. So figure out what it is that you, as a man, bring to the table of any relationship. Are you kind? Smart? Funny? Handsome? Rich? Rich in character? Athletic? Clever? Fun? Sexy? Cultured? Focus on your positive traits. In fact, take a look at my book — no wait, [b]buy[/b] my book, Date Out of Your League. Click on the Dating Advice Books link at the top of the page and scroll down to the book, Date Out of Your League, and buy it online. The book is written specifically for men like you who think they can’t get the girl they want. It will help you page by page and chapter by chapter to understand what women want and how to get them. It will really help you.

Good luck!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The problem you seem to have is that you’re not acknowledging your boyfriend’s behavior and taking it seriously. You have some very strong warning lights that this relationship is dead, and you’re ignoring them, at least consciously. Subconsciously, I think you know, and you’re writing me so I can tell you what you know and don’t want to accept.

Your boyfriend of 3 years cheated on you a year ago, and now he doesn’t show you any affection, doesn’t ever say, “I love you,” or respond to you in kind when you say it first, and your sex life is non-existent. Hmm….can’t you see that he’s finished, but he isn’t cutting you loose? He’s not treating you like he loves you. In fact, he’s not treating you like you’re his girlfriend. He’s treating you like a wife he wishes he didn’t have, but is too lazy to get divorced from.

You are using his interest in a threesome to distract yourself from the truth: It’s time to move on, your boyfriend doesn’t respect you or love you any more. Sorry. But it’s better you hear the truth.

Anything you say about a threesome has nothing to do with the real problem here — except that you’re right that a threesome is a way for him to have sex with another woman “with your permission”. Bad idea. A threesome at this point is just going to waste your time in this relationship and hurt your feelings.

So, I’d advise you to accept reality, break up with your boyfriend and start dating other men. Three years is too much time for you to date someone who treats you the way you’re currently being treated. You deserve better — and, frankly, he does, too. It’s in both of your best interests to put this relationship to rest and move on.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This isn’t really about me. I’m trying to get [i]you[/i] the help [i]you[/i] need to answer your questions, and the best help will come from people who know what they can and can’t speak with [i]expertise[/i] about.

I’m happy to give you my professional opinion about human relationships, but anything that has to do with god and religion or creation is really best addressed by experts in those fields.

I wish you all the luck!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, I’m always happy to answer your questions, but for future, please post questions in the Q&A forum. But since I’ve found you here….

You already know the answer to your question to me, and your instincts are correct. Follow them. As an addictions specialist, you know that words can be meaningless when the actions of the same person belie them. You’ve learned that even though this guy has been an acquaintance for over a decade, being in a relationship with him showed you things about him you didn’t know about him prior. You’ve heard him tell you he was going to propose marriage to you on several occasions, but after months of his not doing what he said he would, you appropriately realized this guy is full of baloney. The fact that he’s — I’m guessing 40 something — and has never been married may have been a yellow warning light. He’s got some personal issues that are keeping him from committing, and you are lucky to have found them out before wasting any more time.

You were correct to move on with your life, but what I’d like to see you do is to be a little more honest with him and yourself. Instead of not telling him where you live, be honest with him, but also understand that he’s not for you and move on. A clean break up will allow you the freedom and peace of mind to put yourself back out there in the dating game to be available for someone fabulous. I don’t think this soon to be ex of yours is as good a catch as you say he is. People can look great on the outside, and pencil out as perfect on paper, but still have rotten character, or problems that make the best appearance, meaningless once you’re in a relationship with them.

Make sure that now you’ve figured out what has really happened between the two of you, you take care of yourself — not him. Move on. Check out my book, Think & Date Like A Man, and get ready to enjoy this next part of your life, now that your daughter is 18 and moving on with her life, to find romance and love for yourself. With, of course, Mr. Right — not anyone lesser.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I can’t help you with religious issues. It’s not my area of expertise. You should consult with a minister of whatever religion you belong to for advice on god.

I can, however, help you with human relationships, and I’m always happy to do so!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’ll try to answer all your questions, but overall, there is no hope. Don’t spend any more time with this guy. This relationship is going nowhere good. Stop ignoring what he’s telling you, and face reality. He’s a 38 year old guy with relationship issues who’s unemployed, can’t get his education and blames that problem on women instead of taking responsibility, and is taking care of his dying mother, and to top it off, he can’t fall in love with you. What is it you’re not hearing or seeing?

As a single mother who’s unemployed and living with your parents, you should really focus on your own challenges first. You’re lucky that your parents have taken in you and your child, but you should get a job, get some child care, go back to school and finish your education, then get an apartment for you and your child, near your parents so that they can babysit when you start to date. And make sure you take care of business by getting the court to order your baby’s father to pay child support so that the child is properly taken care of.

If you don’t take care of your own personal life, you’re only going to bring chaos to your relationships. If you do get your ducks in a row, you’re more likely to have a smooth sail when it comes to dating and love.

When you do start to date again, as a single mother, you have a responsibility to your child to put being a mother first. For now. That means you can’t date any guys who don’t have jobs and careers. If you’re spending money and time on someone who can’t get their own life together, you’re cheating your child out of that money and time that they deserve to have from their parents.

So, get your life together. Feelings come and go. You’re going to feel like you like men, love men and lust for men — but that DOES NOT mean that they are appropriate dates and boyfriends for you. When you wrote that you like older men who have their careers together, that’s fine — but then don’t pick a 38 year old with no education or job to spend your time on! You shouldn’t be helping him. Not at this point. He should be trying to win you over, not looking for occupational therapy from you! And you should NOT be trying to win him over. Why would you want to? The guy’s troubled — and you should be looking for a man who thinks YOU are the one who needs to be won over.

When you say that this guy is about to end your relationship….LET HIM! That is if you can’t do it first. He doesn’t want the responsibility of a single mother because he has too many problems that are unresolved. And he’s right.

You’re young and you have a child — focus on yourself and make yourself the prize that some amazing prince on a white horse is going to want to win over (okay, maybe it’ll be a nice Toyota or a BMW instead of a horse). Feel free to ask me for advice along the way, but no more guys without jobs!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you can salvage this relationship and do some damage control, but you’re going to have to modify your behavior. A lot!

First of all, you’d do well to buy my book, Think & Date Like A Man, that you can get by clicking on the Dating Advice Books link at the top of the page, and scrolling down to Think & Date Like A Man. Buy it online for $15.95 and it will give you WAY MORE information about what guys think about women and dating, and how to get the guy you want. You’ll get details in organized chapters. So buy the book, and I’ll give you some pointers here that should get you started.

Understand that you should NOT CHASE MEN. You may not think you’ve been chasing him, but when you’re no longer the prize in the relationship that he wants to get, so badly, he’d only date you, you’ve lost your leverage and so has he. You see, he wants to chase a woman who thinks she’s the prize because when he gets her, guess who the winner is? Well, he thinks he is! (And you think you are! So everyone wins.)

The minute you start giving him ultimatums about other women, you’ve gotten rid of the chase. You shouldn’t be telling him what to do. Instead, you’ve got to make yourself so attractive to him that he doesn’t need an ultimatum. He’ll get rid of anyone else he’s seeing because he wants to be with you.

So make it a little difficult for him to see you. Don’t throw yourself at him and don’t call him, return every text immediately or ask him out on dates. And when you do see him, make the time together magic and intimate so that he can’t wait to see you again.

You should also understand that until there is a commitment, you ARE BOTH dating other people. If you didn’t have all your eggs in one basket, you wouldn’t be so concerned about what he was doing with anyone else. In fact, you blew it because just when you started giving him ultimatums to get rid of the other girl, and then broke up with him — you come to find out that he was doing exactly what you wanted! He WAS breaking up with the other woman so he could be with you!

Since there’s been all this damage, you’ve lost some ground, and if you want a second change, you’re going to have to read my book, take all the advice in it, and do what the book tells you to, so you can become the prize again, and give him something he WANTS to chase and win.

If he goes after you, then you’ve got that second chance. If he doesn’t, then accept that he’s not yours, and move on with the information you now have about yourself, men and dating. You’ll get it right. Practice makes perfect.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your boyfriend is trying to let you down gently, but clearly, he wants the break up he imposed two weeks ago. If he didn’t, he’d be asking you to get back together again. But he’s not. When he broke up with you he was very clear. After getting your letter ten days post break up, he feels badly that you’re hurting and want him back when he doesn’t want you back, so he’s tried to say something to honor his own feelings and remind you that he hopes to be friends one day (that’s what “we’ll keep in touch” means), but that he wants a break up. The soul searching just means he’s thinking about the relationship, what led him to want to break up with you and to do so, and what he wants in his life, now. There’s no hidden meaning.

It’s so easy to ready your hopes and dreams into his words, but you’d be wise to pay attention to his actions. He’s done with the relationship, and he’s given you a gift in the clarity of the break up, itself. Although you want to get back together, he doesn’t, and the best thing you can do right now is heal your wounds, let him alone, and when you’re ready, start dating other men.

I know you’re hurt, and it doesn’t feel like it now, but you deserve to be with someone who’s crazy about you and wants to be your one and only. This guy isn’t it, and you deserve Mr. Right. So remember that you will find someone who loves you with all his heart, but it’s not your ex-boyfriend. It’s someone else who’s out there waiting for you!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The good news is that you both recognize this problem and are not in denial about it, so you’re on the same page. That’s always important in being able to address a challenge. Commend yourself for your honesty about your trust issues. And if you didn’t see them as trust issues, that’s what they are. You don’t trust him with your feelings because you are afraid that he will disappoint you or hurt you based on your past experiences.

For your boyfriend: Ask him to please be very patient with you. If he demands and begs that you be different than you are right now, it’s too much pressure for you to succeed. His best bet is to be patient with you and to give you positive reinforcement. In other words, if he can acknowledge when you do let him in, even if it’s something very minor, he will build your trust slowly but surely. But he has to be patient and not make demands.

For you: Break down your feelings of fear when you are in them. If you are very emotional about something, acknowledge your feelings and be aware of your fear of sharing that feeling with your boyfriend. Imagine what would happen if you did share your feelings, and tell your boyfriend, “I’m afraid if I tell you about what’s going on with me today, you’re going to ignore me, or belittle my feelings or break up with me,” or whatever it is that you’re afraid of. Then ask him if he can just listen to you and only say, “I understand.” Ask him not to try to “fix” the feelings you’re having but instead, to just be a listener who is supportive. He can hold your hand and hug you, but he can’t offer his own opinion — yet.

When you are able to do that, he should thank you for making that small step. It’s with these small steps that you’ll eventually take bigger strides in trust.

After months of his being a good listener and you being a sharing girlfriend, you can begin to ask him for more help if you want it. You can ask him for his opinions or his own feelings on hearing yours. And remember, you don’t have to be a victim and you don’t have to put up walls. You can stop him if things get too difficult for you by saying, “When you say that, I feel really hurt.” And then you can tell him why.

Hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Stop what you are doing. You are not listening to yourself. The reason you wrote me is because you already know there is something very wrong with your moving in with your boyfriend under the circumstances you describe. Now, I’m going to tell you what you already know.

Do not move in with him. Did you hear me? DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM.

Your boyfriend DOES NOT treat you like a princess. A princess, gets what she wants, and is respected by everyone — including herself. You sure aren’t acting like a princess, and he sure isn’t treating you like one. You’ve made it clear you want to be married, but he’s not only not offering you marriage, he wants you to move in with him so you can’t find that shot at marriage with any other man because you’re going to be living with him. This is a bad idea.

Here’s what you need to understand about yourself: For whatever reason, you dated and married a man you’d been with since you were 15 years old. Now, 9 years later, you’re divorced for less than 9 months, and have dated a guy for 3 months, and have been clear you want marriage, and he’s been clear he’s not going to give it to you — now or possibly ever. Yet, you’re going to take yourself off the market so you can’t possibly find Mr. Right, in exchange for what? A gamble that this guy will change? A bad gamble, since you’re already concerned he’ll finish his college degree and move abroad for a career — without you?

Wake up!!

He’s not lying to you. He’s not even TRYING to pull the wool over your eyes. You’re doing it all yourself. And if you do move in with him, and are dumped 3 years later when he moves abroad, you’ll have no one to blame, but yourself.

So don’t do that.

I want you to [b]not[/b] move in with this man, and I want you to start dating other men. You only divorced this year, and you’re only 24. You need to spend at least 2 years dating other people and finding out who you really are and who other people really are. Rebound relationships never work. I know that divorce is scary, and you’ve gone from your parents home to your husband’s home, and you’re trying to replace what feels like a lost limb by creating another home. Mistake.

This is your time to be alone and face your fears. This is a time to find out who you really are, because it’s truly during these times of uncertainty that our character comes through. Get a job, or go back to school, or both. Get some FEMALE roommates if you can’t afford to live on your own, but do not move back in with your parents. You’re a woman now, not a 15 year old girl, or even an 18 year old bride. You’re divorced, and you’re 24 — and you have the rest of your life in front of you to recognize and fulfill your dreams. So dream big. And don’t settle for some guy who’s offering you a pittance of what you’re worth.

Get my book — Think & Date Like A Man. You can click on the Dating Advice Books link above, scroll down to Think & Date Like A Man, and order it online. It’s $15.95 and will save you loads of money — and time — wasted on bad dates and bad relationships. You need to read this book, a chapter a day or a chapter every few days. Read it with your girlfriends, and discuss it so you can make my advice work for your specific dreams in life. You need some guidance right now, and you can write to me with any questions you have along the way. I want to hear from you.

But do what I’m telling you. Do not move in with this man. Start dating other men, and do NOT rush into anything. The one thing you don’t want to waste is your time — with the wrong man.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You talk a lot about what your ex-girlfriend wants in her life, and from you, but you don’t really talk about what you want for yourself. That’s what you really have to do. Decide and act.

Since neither one of us has a crystal ball (right?) to tell the future, and I’m a relationship expert, not a psychic, I can’t tell you if your girlfriend and you will get back together, but I can tell you that you need to accept reality, and your reality is that your out of state girlfriend broke up with you, and is moving on — watch her actions more closely than you listen to her words, and you’ll see the truth.

If you want to wait for her to either decide she wants to get back together with you again, or she’s decided she’s found someone else to date, then the wait is yours to have. Bring some good reading material — it may be a looooong wait. But that’s not the dynamic for a healthy relationship between romantic partners. I think you’re going to get more and more anxious and unhappy if you choose to wait for her to live her life with no reunion date on the horizon, while she’s clearly testing the waters with other guys (wake up and smell the coffee!), while trying to keep you on the back burner in case she changes her mind. You’ve given up your role as the man in the relationship, and let her take the lead. No good is going to come of this.

Men need to be the ones who chase the woman, win her over and bask in their prize girlfriend. You lost this prize, and she’s not yours any more. That doesn’t mean you’re any less of a man, but in order to feel like one, you have to go out there, and find a woman you want, who you [i]can[/i] chase, and [i]can[/i] win!

I would suggest that you honor the break up that she imposed, and start to date around since your ex is no longer available to be your girlfriend. If she gets jealous about you dating other women, that’s kind of her problem, now that she’s broken up with you. She can’t really be a good friend to you if she doesn’t have your best interests at heart, and right now, she doesn’t. In fact, if you do move on, and I mean [i]really[/i] move on, she may realize her mistake and come back to you. At which point you can decide what you want to do.

Basically, you have to man up and decide to be her boyfriend and win her back, or not be her boyfriend and win someone else. The in between stage where you’re waiting, wondering, and having her go crazy when she can’t reach you on the phone and leave incessant messages and call your relatives to find out where you are — even though she’s broken up with you — is not going to get more comfortable or better, and you’re going to feel less and less like a successful man.

So, answer the question yourself: Will you try to win over your girlfriend, or will you start dating and try to win someone new?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m happy to help you, but next time, start a new post instead of piggybacking onto someone else’s post. It’s easier for others to chime in and help you that way!

As for your question, I’m not sure why you asked forgiveness from a guy you met online, who never called you. Neither one of of you did anything wrong. Sometimes guys don’t call. It’s not a crime. Especially for one you really didn’t know very well. In fact, it seems like you’re creating drama from nothing. So, relax — there is no relationship to “get through.” You didn’t really have a relationship — he’s just someone you met online but never got together with in real life.

When it comes to dating, meeting online can be terrific. But it’s a good idea not to put all your eggs in one basket until you’ve invested some real “face time” together. It’s okay to keep your dating profile up online if you’re not dating anyone in person, and it’s okay to talk to other people online if you’re not dating anyone in person. In fact, you should expect that behavior from men, and they should from you, too. Who wants to waste their time with someone who may not be right for them? Not you!

Although he may have told you he likes you while you were both online, and he said he made plans to visit you after you put your photos online, so he could see what you looked like before he agreed to meet you face to face, that’s just the beginning of a [i]possible[/i] relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean he likes you enough to see you or date you, and it certainly doesn’t mean you have a real life relationship or that once he sees your photos he’s still going to want to meet you at all. Don’t take this personally. It’s pretty normal behavior for most people. Hopefully you’ll understand this so you don’t get hurt again if you meet a man online who says he likes you, but doesn’t call or ask you on a date. People say lots of things, but it’s much easier to judge them by their actions.

The other thing to remember about meeting people online, or meeting people that your friends and family and co-workers don’t know, is that just because they say something, doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because he says he likes you, what he means is that he likes you [i]so far[/i]. It doesn’t mean he’d rush to your side if you were in a car accident or that he’s going to make you his Valentine’s date. And vice versa — same for you with him. Don’t pretend a relationship is further along than it is just because you want it to be. Getting to know someone can save you a lot of time. For instance, this guy isn’t Mr. Right for you, and luckily, you didn’t waste six months on him.

Playing the numbers game in dating is a very good idea. You should get my book, Think & Date Like A Man, so you can understand more about dating, and getting what you want, and meeting who you want to meet. You can click on the Dating Advice Books link at the top of the page, and scroll down to Think & Date Like A Man and order it there for only $15.95. Among other things it will help you understand that in dating, it’s important to keep putting yourself up to bat, and being willing to strike out because you know that one of these times at the plate, you’re going to hit a home run and meet Mr. Right. This guy didn’t work out. Okay. Next!

Rejection can be a gift because it saves you time. If a man isn’t interested in you enough to call you, then why would you waste your time with him? You should be the prize in the relationship that he’s wanting to chase down and win. If you throw yourself at him by giving him your phone number before he asks for it, tell him to call you, then get upset when he doesn’t — and ask forgiveness from him for getting upset — you’ve lost your “prize” status, and there’s nothing for him to chase, and certainly no romantic relationship at hand. So accept the rejection for the gift of clarity that it is, and move on to find someone who wants you because he thinks you’re incredible.

Get back out there, with what you’ve learned, and be the woman who gets the guy. (My book will help you with this like a good friend who gives you solid advice.)

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