[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like your relationship went south during the last two years when you were fighting and then he started cheating on you. Cheating was his way of trying to get out of the relationship. It took those two bad years for the relationship to finally end, but it

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When your ex comes to visit you after you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Do you know what happens when you start to build a tower out of blocks, but there

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you and your boyfriend were only together for two months before he was diagnosed with cancer, and you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Boy, oh boy

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I want to apologize in advance because I know this is going to hurt. However, you’re asking for my help so I’m going to be brutally honest and to give you the best advice I can….

In my opinion, if a woman feels like her guy is wasting her time and may never ask her to marry him, she should stop spending all of her time with him and immediately begin to date other men

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Well, you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Boy, oh boy

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think it

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think it is perfectly understandable why you feel jealous and a bit insecure with this guy going out with the woman he was originally interested in now that she

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think it is perfectly understandable why you feel jealous and a bit insecure with this guy going out with the woman he was originally interested in now that she

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’ve read my columns or my book, [u]Think & Date Like A Man[/u], you already know what I am going to tell you. If you haven’t read my book — you need to!

What you have done is you’ve made this guy “the prize” and you’ve been trying to “catch” him. To win with men, it must be the other way around. He must see you as the prize. You must be someone he wants to “win” and that he must work at winning. You should not be negotiating or trying to persuade him to spend more time with you… HE should be trying to convince you to spend more time with him! End of chapter.

Now you say that you’ve invested more than four years in this guy… Four years is a very long time. I don’t know how old you are (I’m guessing mid to late 20’s) or what you ultimate goals are in life, but if marriage is among them you’ve got to change your pattern of behavior — immediately.

Stop talking about “your relationship” with this guy and start taking action. How? Start being unavailable. Stop pursuing him. Start meeting and dating other men. Unless and until this guy asks you for an exclusive relationship and a commitment — there isn’t one. Period. If this guy was convinced you were “the one”, you’d be engaged. You’re not. And it’s been more than four years.

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but you need to wake up!

It is your job to take care of you. If you want an exclusive relationship you need to keep dating different men until you find the one who feels the same way you do, and then, importantly, [b]d[i]emonstrates it by his actions[/i].[/b]

Bottomline: Time is your most valuable commidity and something you can never get any more of. Stop wasting yours on him — unless and until he steps up and makes you a priority. Frankly, if marriage is what you want, he may need to lose you before he does anything because he’s so used to having you whenever he wants you, without having to make any effort or invest much of anything — let alone make a commitment. That has to change. And if he’s unwilling to do make you a priority and to ask you for a committment leading to marriage (after 4 years), better you find out soooner rather than later. You don’t want to wake up after four more years of this having wasted 8 or 9 years on this guy. Do you?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

That is really fabulous advice Joe! I could not have said it better myself.

Thank you for contributing.

April

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think that it’s quite likely that your answer lies in this sentence, “Admittedly, he had alluded to these things about a month before this, but I don’t take hints very well.”

Your boyfriend was trying to tell you that his needs were not being met and that you two needed to work together to get your relationship back on track. You weren’t taking the hint when he expressed his feeling subtly, so he sought a more dramatic approach which succeeded in shocking you into action, or should I say reaction.

Based upon what you’ve described you two have a pretty solid relationship and if this was the first time something like this has happened, I would chalk it up to a very important lesson learned…. Your relationship fell victim to what most relationships fall victim to — stress, pressure and taking each other and the relationship for granted.

The good news is that you both appear to have refocused your energies on trying to meet one another’s needs and have found a renewed appreciation for your relationship and each other. Congratulations.

Relationships take work and they need to be “feed” continually in order to thrive (and survive).

If you try and keep in mind the top five emotional needs a man seeks to obtain from his mate, I’ll bet this won’t happen again. Here they are: Sexual Fulfillment, Recreational Companionship, Physical Attractiveness, Domestic Support and Admiration.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Absence. It can make the heart grow fonder, or it can clarify just how crazy you were to fall in love with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend the first time around. If you find yourself in the former category, and you

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