[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little more. How old are you both and how long have you been dating?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Not a dumb question at all. 😉 If you view it, and you’re not dating, you’re falling into the friend zone — which is why I think you should not view it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’d love to answer your questions, but first…. please repost these as “replies” to the string of posts you already started on this site here: . It’s much easier to get better advice when I can see your history in one place. I’ll look out for your re-post and answer your questions there.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like this guy that you like just isn’t into you. It happens. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you — there isn’t. You’re just not his cup of tea. i’m sure you’ll think about all the times when someone has liked you and there’s nothing wrong with him, but you just don’t want to date him. This is normal. The second thing that’s happening is that this guy likes your friend. This happens to lots of people. And if it bugs you, then either pass on her information and tell him to call her himself, or stop showing up in his presence with her.

It doesn’t sound like this always happens — it’s just with this one guy you like, so enjoy your time with your friend, and it’s nice that you’re doing something nice for her, but if it’s really bugging you, then just have her over to your house for coffee instead of going out with her. 😉 I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s great that you’re taking care of yourself. Keep going. Make sure you balance taking care of your body with taking care of yourself emotionally and spiritually. See friends, volunteer with people who have problems way worse than yours — or even animals in a pet shelter. If you go to church or some religious group, go. Start new hobbies, learn to play an instrument. Improve and nurture yourself — and when you’re ready, ask her out. That’s the one way you’re going to know for sure if she’s interested or not. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Boy — it doesn’t sound like you have a good relationship aside from sex. It sounds like he’s not into you at all. 😕 How long have you been dating, and what about the relationship keeps you staying?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hi Joseph:

Thank you for your questions. First of all I think you have to decide if you want to continue dating your girlfriend or not. What I hear you saying is that you want to replace one relationship with another one. Instead, simply decide if your girlfriend is someone you want to break up with or not. If you want to keep dating her, then focus on the problems and see if they’re solvable. If they’re not (when one person doesn’t want to work through problems, and the other does, it’s very difficult to make it work), then you should simply break up with your girlfriend and be single.

If you’re single and you want to date, then you should let your long time crush know by asking her out. Of course, you’re going to lose your friend Spencer in the process — so you have to decide if this is worth it to you or not. If it’s not, then find someone different to date. If it is, then go for it, and see how things go.

I think you’re really anxious because you’re seeing all of these decisions as one big cloud. If you can separate them out and approach them one at a time, you’ll feel more in control of your life. So deal with the relationship you have first. Then any future relationships.

Hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’ve answered your questions here: . Please keep all your questions in one string of posts — it’s easier for me (and anyone else who wants to weigh in here) to see your entire history in one place and give you better advice that way. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think it’s a good idea. But make sure you also take care of yourself so you’re not obsessing about getting her back. This should be one of the irons you have in the fire. Play the field (you are single, after all!), and have some fun in your life. It won’t just be taking care of you, it will assure your not coming off as needy “between the lines” when you communicate with her. Women can tell if you’re desperate — or just confident and interested. Be the latter. Be the guy who wants her, but is okay if he doesn’t get her. 😉 It’s a good position from which to work.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sounds like a good idea!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little… how old are you both? How did you meet? And you said you’ve been together for a year — did you only meet that one time when you visited her in Europe? How long were you there?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want a girlfriend, you may get one in her, but it’s going to be complicated since she’s got a boyfriend already and doesn’t want to break up with him. However, make sure you’re as clear with her as she is with you! 😉 If you don’t tell her you’re not going to be her friend, and will only be a date and a boyfriend, then you’ll have fallen into the friend zone. The problem with what’s going on, for you, is that she’s using you to make her boyfriend jealous, and maybe leverage his jealousy into better behavior — and she’s got an escape valve in you, for the unhappiness she’s getting from her boyfriend. Be very clear that you’re not friends — and flirt with her to make sure she understands. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Definitely message him — try to hook the message onto a birthday, a holiday or some interesting reason that you were thinking of him — maybe you’re going to be in the same town as he is, or are taking a course that you heard he took — something like that, so it doesn’t seem like you’re desperate. I know you’re not — but I just want you to be able to give the appearance of interested, but chill at the same time. Having an excuse to talk to him about will help you with that.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

At a certain point, you’re going to have to ask her out on a date again. Timing will be important — it should be when she’s not that interested in her current boyfriend or if she’s broken up with him, or when things are going really well between the two of you. If you can get the date, then the door will be cracked open for you to try and get back together. In the meantime, I think you should keep talking to her, sending her little gifts, and being the kind of guy she wants back in her life.

However, there are two things you have to be conscious of. First, if she really means it when she says the two of you have dissimilar backgrounds and that’s a deal breaker for her, you should probably accept that and move on. Second, she’s young. And many 22 year olds don’t want the same type of commitment that a 33 year old guy like yourself may want. She may want to experiment and play the field, and if that’s the case, you should stay in touch, but accept she has some energy to burn before making another commitment to you.

I hope that helps. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Did you ever date her?

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