[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t know if she’s attracted to you because you haven’t asked her out. If you will, then you’ll know — and you won’t have to ask me! 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you want to ask her out now. My advice had been:

[quote]At a certain point, you’re going to have to ask her out on a date again. Timing will be important — it should be when she’s not that interested in her current boyfriend or if she’s broken up with him, or when things are going really well between the two of you. If you can get the date, then the door will be cracked open for you to try and get back together. In the meantime, I think you should keep talking to her, sending her little gifts, and being the kind of guy she wants back in her life. [/quote]

I’m not there, so you’re going to have to gauge whether it’s the right time or now. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, congratulations!! 😀 I hope you have a wonderful educational journey in college. That’s a big deal!

Second, it’s a good lesson to learn that you can’t control other peoples’ feelings. There will be people who insult your girlfriend, your mother, your dog, your best friend, your politics, your religion, your race and your values. Get used to it! The world has outspoken people who won’t agree and will even make you feel angry and sad. If you try and control their feelings you’re going to become exhausted and even angrier that you can’t. Here’s a great way to handle negativity. Try to understand it. 😉 For instance, this person who wrote something about your girlfriend is a coward. The way I know this is that they couldn’t even sign their name or put a face to their feelings. They have low self esteem and not very much character. Second, they’re trying to hurt you. The only reason they’d try to hurt you is that they want to feel more important and more successful than you. This may even be someone who is jealous about your college admission and is taking out their negative feelings on your girlfriend. This may have nothing to do with your girlfriend — she’s just a way for them to try and make you feel badly. Third, when you give your energy to something like this, you’re giving it life. The more time you spend on this insult, you’re validating it. So just delete it. Feel sorry for the person that they’re so down in the dumps they’re spending time posting negative things about your life and the people you care about, instead of having a nice time. Focus on what’s good and make a date for this weekend to celebrate with your girlfriend. Don’t waste any more time on this sad person who needs help. Take the high road whenever possible. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you need to a) be honest with her that you treated her poorly because you were didn’t want to be rejected by someone you cared so much about, and that you know this was a bad reaction and not very mature, but you’ve realized your mistake and you want to apologize and make things right. Hit all those beats (acknowledgement of your behavior, honesty about your feelings, wanting a second chance and knowing you can do better). b) Make a grand gesture like sending her a dozen roses and asking her if she’d meet you for a drink so you can make things right. c) Try to learn from this situation. Your fear of losing her — caused you to do something to avert that loss — and it backfired. You really lost her! If you can face loss and don’t let it control you, then you’ll actually have less of it. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since he has a girlfriend, and the two of you are not together any more, it would be a good idea if you moved on. 😉 He’s been abusive to your children, and the two of you broke up. If you can’t have your cats in your apartment then find a good home for them — or give them to a pet shelter. It will be much easier and healthier for you to move on and not feel like you’re connected to your ex.

I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you should keep him in the loop regarding the baby. Let him know when your doctor appointments are and invite him to come with.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So you’re dating a guy who’s 45 and never married…. and he’s doing hypnosis, but doesn’t want to discuss it with you. And then you find a dating book or two in his briefcase. All signs point to his having an independent life beyond what the two of you share. You probably already know this. He’s reading this book because he wants to get better at approaching women. It sounds like he’s looking for some extra curricular activities beyond what the two of you have. Maybe things aren’t as good for him in the relationship as they are for you. I suspect he’s looking for some reason for discontent, in the hypnosis sessions and is hoping to make some changes in his life.

I know that’s not great news, but I do hope it clarifies things for you. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Re-read the advice I gave you last week. It’s pretty good. 😉

[quote]It’s great that you’re taking care of yourself. Keep going. Make sure you balance taking care of your body with taking care of yourself emotionally and spiritually. See friends, volunteer with people who have problems way worse than yours — or even animals in a pet shelter. If you go to church or some religious group, go. Start new hobbies, learn to play an instrument. Improve and nurture yourself — and when you’re ready, ask her out. That’s the one way you’re going to know for sure if she’s interested or not. 😉[/quote]

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Everything may have been rosy, but the miscarriage brought him a dose of reality that made the relationship less fairy tale and more real. It sounds like he wasn’t ready for real and liked you as long as things were easy. I know this is disappointing, but you learned something important about him, relatively early on. Give him some time to process his feelings. He probably hadn’t thought about having another child and if the two of you hadn’t talked about this as part of your future together, this may have set his wheels in motion in a good (or a bad) way. I hope this helps as an explanation, and that you can be patient and in the meantime, take care of yourself and expand your horizons. It’s only been a week since the break up. It’s early and feelings are still raw.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. I’m here if you need anything.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Well, that’s definitely news!

It sounds like you’re not just competing with men in her life — you’re competing with women in her life, as well. The odds are not good! It really sounds like whatever I tell you to do, you’re going to play this out. And that’s okay. We all have our own journeys in life. 🙂 I do think that after a while, you’ll hit your “bottom” where you decide that enough is enough and that you’d really like to be with someone who wants you back. That’s when you’ll move on.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. Thank you for filling me in. It sounds like he feels like a failure at sex because you aren’t having orgasms — and instead of trying to solve the problem, he’s paralyzed and avoiding it. This is where you can help. You’re going to have to help him help you. You can’t make him entirely responsible for your sexual experience. You have to help show him what works. Right now, he’s feeling like the entire burden is on him, and he doesn’t know how to fix the problem. Show him and tell him. As for his finishing too quickly, himself, if the two of you make you and your pleasure the first priority, and his the second, that will slow things down, at least a little.

I hope that helps.

[Member]

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