[moocow]

Thank you for your replies April. I have been in a lot of relationships and I’m just confused now because I haven’t been in this situation before. The thing is that I AM ready for a long-term, committed relationship. I know that my ambivalence suggests that neither woman is right for me, however, as you suggest.

But why am I feeling like I am nearly willing to throw away this rather stable and healthy and relationship that I am in to take back a girl that I hurt emotionally, who lied to me and did things behind my back (although I did as well), and who has since been with other people?

[moocow]

To complicate matters, Anne – while telling me what she wants from me and demanding that I leave Laura or she will block me from her phone, facebook, etc. – has been having explicit sexual conversations via text with another guy that she works with. She said she hasn’t been with him, but I feel like my efforts to honestly examine my relationship now and to possibly make a decision to end it have been cheapened because of this.

Anne will be moving within a matter of a few weeks, and I cannot get her out of my head. I can’t help but feel that I may be happier and more satisfied in the long run with her because we could build a life of our own.

The more time I spend with Laura however, I am becoming more intertwined with her. We have already made several big ticket purchases together (tv, lawn equipment), she put a bill in my name, and she has planned a trip for us in October (6 months out) as well as planned several other things in between. I talked with her about my feeling on the ‘outside’ of things and she responded to that by asking if i wanted a greater role in her daughter’s life, i.e. giving her her bath each night, picking her up from Laura’s mom’s house after work, getting up to check on her during the night, etc.

Talking with Anne about my concerns, she said that Laura is doing this to try to ‘trap’ me into having to stay with her and making it more difficult to leave.

I’m not unhappy with Laura. She makes me very happy. I do feel sometimes that she is doing what is expedient for her because she doesn’t want to be a single mother and alone. However, I realize that she wouldn’t let just anyone into her and her daughter’s life. But then why do I often have this feeling of somehow being emasculated by this situation?

This process that I put upon myself of choosing between two women – along with causing everyone involved pain and frustration – has given me a situation that I may never find myself in again. I have the opportunity to make a choice to be with either of these women who say they want to spend the rest of their lives with me. They are just both so different and they both touch a different part of my being and soul.

[moocow]

I am 35, Anne is 24, and Laura is 25.

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