[Suckerforjessica]

I don’t really think I’m her savior or an enabler. I fell for this girl without knowing that she was an addict; she sat me down one day probably a month ago and told me she had been addicted to drugs for a long time and that she’s been reaching out for help for the past few months. She left her ex because she couldn’t get clean around him, and that was the only reason. She is really trying to turn her life around, or at least it seems that way.
Her and that ex don’t speak anymore. But she still stands by the fact that her ex fiancé is her best friend. I’ve told my best friend I love him a million times. The guy lives 10 hours away by car so it’s not like they see each other ever… And she told me she tried cutting him out of her life for the past year and it made her unhappy. They dated for 5 years and were engaged; I know the girl I dated for 4 years knows me better than anyone else, and I’m hoping it’s something similar to that. But we ended on bad terms and even thinking about her breaks my heart. Their breakup was mutual. I may just be naive but I still have no reason not to trust her (besides the fact that she’s an addict)
Look, she could have TOTALLY hidden this from me. I would have had no idea she was addicted to drugs. She hides it really, really well. But she was up front and honest with me about that, and as far as I know has never lied to me.
I went with her to her first NA meeting last week and I can’t imagine her being in a better environment. I thought I was going to be surrounded by crazy heroin addicts and toothless meth heads, but the two hours I spent there with her were really positive. She even spoke for five minutes on her first ever NA meeting. She bought the NA book and has been reading it in bed next to me nightly. She has barely even let go of the “just for today” keychain they gave her. I think she’s taking all the right steps, and while recovery is a lifelong process you have to start somewhere. For me to abandon her now…I don’t know. It just wouldn’t sit right with me.
Thank you for your advice. You’re telling me exactly the right thing to do but I’ve never been the best listener. Talking to someone about this and sorting out all my feelings has been really helpful. Now I’m prepared for heartbreak should it come and I’ll probably put up more of a barrier between us. But that comes with giving your heart to anyone, including addicts. I’ll let you know how it all turns out.

[Suckerforjessica]

I meant sleeping together like falling asleep in a bed together not like sex. We have only had sex 4 times.
Are you sure her ex fiancé is competition if she has assured me time and time again that they’re just friends? I have ex girlfriends who are friends, but I never tell them I love them. I don’t know. I want to believe her but I am really skeptical.
I have had the talk with her about sex which I haven’t mentioned in any of my posts. We’ve talked about why she’s so reluctant, and it’s not really because she’s not into me. As far as I can tell during the few times we’ve had sex she’s really enjoyed herself. She’s gone so far as to say “I can count on one hand the men I’ve enjoyed myself with”. The sex is great, it’s just sparse. She attributes this to the fact that she only broke up with her ex of a year a few months ago, and she was very faithful during that period. She lived with him, slept with him (like go to bed) every night, and she hadn’t had sex with anyone else. It was weird for her to let someone new into her life, and she was afraid she was going too fast. She cares about me which means sex with me is different than if she just had a one night thing where it would disappear after the sex and it would just be sex for sex.
You’re right I am probably trying to convince myself that it will work. Looking at it objectively I probably shouldn’t waste my time since there are plenty of girls out there who would fall for a handsome man like myself 😎 . The thing is I’m almost incapable of looking at it objectively. If I left now I feel like I’d be abandoning her in her time of need, especially since she’s really trying to keep clean. I have made it abundantly clear that I don’t want a part in getting addicted to narcotics, and that I don’t want her around me high and she has respected that. She’s been going weeks at a time without using and when she does it isn’t nearly as much as she used to, she’s weaning herself off. She applied to be in an intensive outpatient program and got in, but the deductible for her insurance is obscene and there’s no way she can afford it.
I know none of this should be my problem but I have a big heart. She’s making an effort to be clean and I’ll probably stick by her unless she really relapses and goes back to Dr House levels of pk abuse. Her parents live across the country and she literally has no one but a few close friends and now me. I know that if I were in her shoes I’d want someone that believes in me, that believes I could quit instead of someone who leaves. I feel like that would make her stray off the right path and I’d hold myself responsible for her relapse even though I shouldn’t. I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. God damn my huge heart.

[Suckerforjessica]

I think I sort of conveyed the wrong message last night in a panic due to circumstances having nothing to do with her.
She is definitely into me. I am someone that matters to her. When we’re out she’ll take me by the hand, sometimes steal a kiss. I sleep in her bed and we fall asleep in each others’ arms.
She isn’t dating anyone else. She just talks to her ex fiancé and from what I’ve overheard of their conversations they are just friends. I heard her tell him she loves him while I was sitting next to her in her car about to go and support her while she went to her first NA meeting. So she was definitely scared. Looking back on it I overreacted.
The thing is, April, if I were only attracted to her physique I would have been gone after that first night. The relationship that I was in before was purely based on sex and sexual desires and it practically destroyed me as a person. I am attracted to her both physically and emotionally. Saying she was a girl version of me probably wasn’t the best way to put it; what I meant to say was we have a TON in common. This is the first girl I’ve dated whose car I can sit in and not have my ears bleed from gross music. She understands my sense of humor and I hers, and we laugh a ton together. We both are crazy sugar glider people. We just have similar tastes is all I meant by that.
My question was more is it worth it to stand by this girl and give her a chance to get clean? I don’t want to date an addict, but I am less concerned about dating a recovering addict. At least she has the desire to stop using. And should I be worried about her ex fiancé who lives states away? Is two months a normal grieving period for her last ex even though we’ve been sleeping together a ton?

[Suckerforjessica]

You probably overreacted. It’s porn. It’s not an actual person. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you; in fact, I think it means the opposite. The guy was considerate enough not to wake you up when he felt the urge to wank one out. Coming from a guy, I wouldn’t worry about it.

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