[kaivethmouse]

First of all, Facebook, really? Come on. Okay, dude, when it comes to women Facebook is not an impressive way to ask them out. A phone call is better, but if you go to the same school, you really should have done it in person since it would have been easy. Many girls in middle/high school aren’t allowed to go out alone with boys, but that problem could be fixed by going on group dates.

[kaivethmouse]

Since he’s at work even though he’s not supposed to be (yet again!) I figured I will take the time to reply. That’s the best advice I think I have ever heard. Everyone tells me to get him to talk about his stresses, which doesn’t help all the time. When he volunteers the information I can see him visibly relax after but you’re right – if I nag him to tell me all that is is annoying and frustrating.

I’ve stepped up my game around the house, even though I already do most of the chores and cooking, he seems to really appreciate it. I wasn’t slacking before (I keep a pretty clean house) but his pet peeve is dishes and I admit, I hate dishes and like to save them for after dinner instead of doing them during the day. So now when he comes home the dishes are clean and put away 🙂

I’m excited for our Christmas together although if he is grumpy from work I may have to beat him with a sock, because he knows how important this holiday with him is to me. I’m kidding, mostly – I will probably suggest he go for a run or something while I get dinner things together.

Anyway, thanks again for the advice and I hope you have a happy holiday 🙂

[kaivethmouse]

I agree and disagree with April.

Craigslist isn’t all bad, but you have to be really careful how you use it. I’m engaged (happily!) to possibly the most amazing man ever and I did meet him on Craigslist. however, I also received emails from lowlife losers. If you go back on Craigslist, here’s a few of my rules I followed for talking to guys:
1. Never meet right away. Wait a few days while emails are passed back and forth.
2. Even if a guy is hot in his picture, if he doesn’t write something that equates to the length of your ad he’s not really interested.
3. Only respond if the guys continue to show an equal amount of effort into their posts.
4. Meet somewhere neutral and DONT go home with them the first few dates – drive yourself and then drive home.

But yeah, you lost me after he blamed sex on your private parts. If a guy treats you like that anytime – especially the first date! – its a sign of how his personality is. That’s emotionally abusive and obviously he isn’t beyond physically abusing you, either. Stay away from him. He isn’t good for you.

[kaivethmouse]

Happy holidays, April!!!

We seem to have hit a patch of him going OH GOD I HATE MY JOB. I hate his job, too. Like I said beforehe is Navy. There are a handful of people on the boat qualified to do his job – maintenance on the nuclear reactor’s cooling system along with the operation of it. Bad part? Of that handful the only two that seem to ever do any of the work are my fiance and his friend. So they pretty much always get the shaft.

Well. He is crabby, stressed, hating his job more and more. Its starting to become a problem because he refuses to talk about it and just lets his frustrations build until he starts to become irrational towards me. I believe we can work through this – mostly because I have the patience and understanding of a saint since I’ve been there, done that. I actually think he’s got a bit of seasonal depression going on…not a medical professional of course but I’ve been there, done that. He doesn’t believe in therapy/psychologists. I think talking about his job and his frustrations will help keep them from building – what is a good, nonconfrontational way to get him to talk other than a “how is your day”?

Other than this problem, we are very looking forward to our first Christmas together – especially since he will probably be deployed for next year’s. We have found hobbies and activities to do together that both of us love – final fantasy 14 (which is an mmorpg), and we have gotten really into going to the shooting range, even bought our own weapon and plan on buying another in the coming months. Our sex life is phenomenonal. He’s trying to help me get back into running. My son calls him by a special, nonDaddy pet name although we aren’t sure what it (the name) means, and he has slowly become more of a parent to my son than his own dad, who calls visitation “babysitting” and if its a few extra hours its “a favor.”

[kaivethmouse]

Next time, don’t have your son around as much. This will also help for when he is older and get attached to guys early on who then later ditch. Please, please wait a few months before seriously introducing your child into your relationship.

[kaivethmouse]

Hi, April!

We sort of ditched your relationship timeline. We moved in together at the beginning of September and he proposed two weeks ago – we are hopefully getting married in April if his schedule doesn’t change again, but because of his hectic sea schedule with the Navy looking at eloping and then having a ceremony once he is back from deployment in a little over a year.

I don’t really have a question, just thought itd be nice to drop in and let you know how things are going. Thank you for all your advice early on 🙂

[kaivethmouse]

I have a few non-me related questions. I have some friends that are going through relationship issues and they asked me for advice. As you can see from the fact I peppered you with questions I am not the best at this, although I think I have an idea.

1. R & O. R has like no life, she’s got issues with actually keeping friends. In fact, she’s not even my friend really – she’s my boyfriend’s roomie’s coworker and the cause of our first fight that wasn’t just a minor conflict due to seeing each other 24/7. But its worked out & was cause she was relaying messages on to him from me to her, and then started telling me what he was saying about other things even though I’d asked her not to. *headdesk*

Anywy. R has no job, isn’t in school, and is literally ALWAYS over. I never not see her vehicle when I am here…so I know some of the issues stem from her not giving O space. I keep telling her to do non-O things and not be available to him but ugh. R doesn’t listen to that – but the real reason I am asking is because O does something I am curious about. They will have sex – and tnen he will go watch porn. That’s a big wtf with me as my own boyfriend will just have more sex if he’s not completely satisfied. Or wake me up in the middle of the night for it. Why could he be doing that? Could he have a porn addiction or is he. just an ass?

2. A & T. A is my brother practically so this one is closer to home. He is head over heels in love with T, and they started dating approx 4 and a half months ago, same as my boyfriend and I. Instead of their relationship continuing to progress, he puts too much stock in her and she pushes himaway. After a month, she told him he speaks to her too much and needed to cool it down because she had other things to do. Now though she’s told him that they have to stop having sex because the relationship is all about it now – or if he wanted to put the spark back in their sexual relationship, she wanted too have a 4some with my. Oyfriend and I. Of course I said fuck no, but to me it looks like she is pulling away – she never contacts him first & he is going away for several weeks next month after they’ll have been together 5 months and he wants her to spend the night with him with no sex before he leaves, and she fed him a bunch of “well we shouldn’t spend the night until we have been together for 6 months” bs, because while I understand 6 months is the standard monogamy mark, they have supposedly been monogamous from day one. Am I reading thigns right? Does it seem like she is pulling away? The correct thing to do for A is to stop being so damn clingy but am I imagining a problem where there isn’t one because he is my brother?

And then another non problem question: am I always going to get butterflies and/or tummy flips when my boyfriend kisses me? I thought these things were supposed to fade but I still get that “omg this is really happening” butterfly-y feel and it’s kinda odd to me.

[kaivethmouse]

April,

Everything is going swell. He’s back home – it was a tough few weeks, our conversation was limited to mostly texts and IM’s; we had a lot of misunderstandings due to the nature of texting and IM, but now that he’s back it feels like we’re getting closer than ever.

We’re making plans for when he gets out of the military. We plan on being together still, of course.

The ex and I are actually civil, even on mostly friendly terms. He approves of the new guy which is great.

Life is less complicated!
Just wanted to give you an update and thank you again for all the advice.

-Kai

[kaivethmouse]

April,

Thanks, as always, for the advice! Sorry to plague your board, but I have few friends that can give good advice.

We are going on the third week of him being gone, and it’s been hard in ways I didn’t expect. He is afraid I am going to forget about him & some insecurities that he had are very noticable now because of the distance. Still, we managed to go on. “Date” – we watched a movie on netflix while we skype chatted, and have plans to do it again this coming weekend. The insecurities worry me, though, I have to admit. Is there a chance that they might fade as time goes on?

The ex seems to have taken it in stride that I am dating again, and doesn’t mind. Custody hearing is on the 23rd this month and he is super nervous about it because of child support, but other than that we agree on everything custody/visitation wise and are both very flexible. He has taken more interest in his son’s life now that there is another man in the picture. I don’t have very many worries on dealing with him anymore – we have settled into a type of relationship that suits us.

[kaivethmouse]

Oh dear god.

This might be true for some women, but as a woman with woman friends, it is not true for me or any of the women I personally know.

[kaivethmouse]

The ball went phenomenonally, and I was able to impress my now-boyfriend & his friends/colleagues with my knowledge of which utensil to use, since most of them were as clueless as I would have been otherwise. Wine was had, except for a round of beer & mixed drinks one of his friends bought for the table.

He’s leaving this week most likely for his 5 week schooling, though there is a chance he won’t go until May. Do you have any tips for keeping communication open & expressing feelings without looking like a lovesick fool? Any tips for helping to keep our relationship strong, healthy, and help us continue to grow closer as a couple?

[kaivethmouse]

Well. I am not ready for marraige or getting engaged (again).

I can tell you what not to do: don’t do it while she is in bed or in pajamas. Not even sure why I said yes to that complete atrocity of a proposal…

But that was then, and this is now. If & when my new man and I get to the point where a proposal is imminent, I would want it to happen somewhere that was special to the two of us. A romantic night, maybe picnic by the beach under the light of a full moon. Hey, what can I say? I’m a sucker for sentimentality.

I think better proposals are done in private, though, because the public ones put too much pressure on the girl to say yes or might scare her to saying no.

If she’s a more traditional sort or even if she really values her family, you might want to try asking her dad for her hand in marraige before popping the question.

It really depends on what she is like, though, I would think.

[kaivethmouse]

Thank you, as usual!!! I just don’t want to freak out over it if he says it, because love scares the bejeezus out of me. Whether it’s me being in love or a guy loving me….it’s utterly terrifying. Hah.

Dress is purchased and now the great shoe hunt shall begin.

[kaivethmouse]

Is there a “too soon” for the L-word? And if there is, is it a red flag to “fall too fast” or does it just depend on the person? These kinds of things I’ve always wondered but there doesn’t seem to be a real answer for them.

Okay 🙂 I am pretty sure it’s black tie, as the men are required to wear their super fancy uniforms. Excited to have the chance to dress up! I’ve never actually been to a formal with a date that I truly had feelings for and so this is new for me. I usually went with friends and in one case, an emotionally abusive b/f that I feared more than adored. Are there any like, social faux pas for these sort of fancy events?

Thank you so much for the advice on the ex. My social circle is biased either one way or the other, so little help.

[kaivethmouse]

I need to make friends with women so I can bother them for advice.
Too bad the two I have are completely awful when it comes to stuff like this.

The ex found out about the new guy. He’d been hearing rumours and someone saw me out and about, so he asked straight up. I make honesty a policy. He’s all torn up that I’ve “moved on so quick” when he was the one to break up with me. I have been ignoring his texts like you suggested, and only talking to him when our child is concerned, but it seems like since he found out about the new guy he’s texting me constantly about the toddler. It’s getting to the point where 2 hours don’t go by without him asking for a pic, asking what “little man and you” are up to, “is the son behaving? His ‘new’ daddy won’t like him if he’s mean”, stuff like that. I feel like he is trying to manipulate me. His interest level in my life & our son has skyrocketed and all the questions are soooo obnoxious.

The new guy has met my parents and I’ve been hanging out with him & his friends (it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!! They’re all real cool). He /has/ met my son, but not in any serious capacity, simply the toddler went to dinner with my parents, him, and I. So, I’m like: new daddy? Wtf? No. I don’t know how to get the ex to stop acting like he’s getting pushed out of the picture and trying to check up on /me/ when I am not doing anything wrong.

Speaking of the new guy.
The other day he texted me: “I think I am in lesbians with you.” And “I really want to say it but those words might ruin things.” if you’ve seen Scott Pilgrim, Scott tells Ramona “I’m in lesbians with you,” as an alternative to saying “I am in love with you.” I’m kinda freaking out. I mean, I spent time with him since, and he hasn’t repeated himself. I have some pretty strong emotions for him too but I am trying to not say anything like that too soon. I mean, I know that our ‘relationship’ is too new for most people (we’ve talked for almost 2 months, went on the first date about a month and a half ago). We go on 2-3 dates a week, have had sex, and I spent the night last night since I had a sitter. I feel really strongly for him, and I can tell he feels similar. What do I do to keep things at a status quo until I am more ready to say those words?

And the last thing. He asked me to a military ball that’s in 3 weeks. I said yes, have a sitter, and need to find a dress. I have a limited budget and no idea what sort of dress that should be worn to these events? Cocktails? Formals? Prom-type?

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