[User 123456]

Hey April! This is really killing me and I would greatly appreciate ur help!

This girl I really like goes to the same sch as me. We have had conversations over Facebook before. For the past few weeks, she has been showing signs tht she likes me, like staring at me, stealing glances etc. However, when I asked her out over Facebook, she took 3 days to reply and her reply was that she was not allowed to go out alone with guys. I guess she wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. After that, she started to ‘ignore’me. When previously I would catch her stealing glances now she doesn’t. My question is if a girl is asked out before she is ready, how will it change her perception of me? Why would she take 3 days? And what can I do? Thanks so much!

[kaivethmouse]

First of all, Facebook, really? Come on. Okay, dude, when it comes to women Facebook is not an impressive way to ask them out. A phone call is better, but if you go to the same school, you really should have done it in person since it would have been easy. Many girls in middle/high school aren’t allowed to go out alone with boys, but that problem could be fixed by going on group dates.

[User 123456]

Hey,
Thanks for replying. I can’t talk to her in person because we are in different classes and hardly see each other outside lectures. But what I don’t understand why she would take so long to reply? Thanks!

[User 123456]

Thanks for the reply! The thing is we attend different classes and I don’t see her except during lectures. And we have only talked before on Facebook. (But I’ve known her for 2 years) however, we are not really close so it’s quite weird if I just go up and talk to her like that. But why does she take 3 days to reply? I mean I can only come up with 3 possibilities. Firstly, she actually does want to but after asking her parents they said no. Secondly, she didn’t want to and came up with an excuse. But if it’s this I don’t know why she took 3 days. The last is that she is just not ready but does have feelings for me…… Which do u think it is? Thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you [i]really[/i] like her and you [i]really[/i] want to take her out, then you should find a way to talk to her in person. 😉 Asking a woman out in person is not just respectful, it’s a way to show you’re [i]really[/i] interested. Asking her out on the internet or by text shows her that you’re not that interested. It was just an easy way to test the waters — but not an effective one. 😕 Besides, women respond to men’s’ voices, so hearing your voice — even if it’s on the phone and not in person — is a much better way to attract a woman to you than not speaking to her.

Just because you don’t have class together doesn’t mean you can’t find a way to talk to her outside of class. Put a little work into your game and figure out where she goes after school, or where she eats lunch, or where she lives — so you can bump into her. Talking to her will give you a lot more information about her and her responses, instead of leaving you having to wonder why she didn’t respond; responded the way she did, etc.

I hope that helps! 😀

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[User 123456]

Maybe I shld clarify my previous post! I’ve known this girl for about 2 years alr. We didn’t go to the same sch then so we communicated via Facebook. I would initiate the conversations. This year, we are currently in the same sch. I would see her looking at me, catching glimpses. Once, I saw her staring at me while I was talking to my friend. So I decided to message her again. She was very receptive and kept the conversation going as well. Encouraged, I decided to ask her out. She didn’t reply for about 3 days and when she did, she said she was not allowed to go out with guys. I then asked her if she could would she but she didn’t reply after that. I understand that I shld have spoke to her face to face but since it’s over then it’s over. But I would like to ask why she would take 3 days to reply? I have come up with a few possibilities. One, she didn’t want to and was not sure how to reply. Two, she wanted to and asked her parents but they said no. And finally, she thought about it and finally decided she wasn’t ready. Which one do u think it is? And do u still think I’ll have a chance with her? Thanks so much!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The reason I suggested asking her out on a date in person instead of over social media is because you can learn a lot more about her and her response that way. Now, you’re guessing — and you’re asking me to guess along with you! 😕

Some of the possible reasons she took 3 days to respond might be that she was insulted that you asked her out over social media and not face to face, or that she wasn’t interested in you and she took her time responding because it isn’t that important to her. Or, she could have been discussing it with her parents, first, and when they said no, she finally did respond to you.

Now, it sounds like you’re asking if you still have a chance. Well, if her parents really won’t let her date, then the chances of dating her are slim to none until she’s “of age”. So that would mean you don’t have a great chance. 😳 If you talk to her in person you can find out how she feels about you and what her family’s position on her dating is.

If you do write here again, let me know how old the two of you are. 😉

Hope that helps!

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[User 123456]

Ok thanks so much for the reply! Just one last question. How do u think she would feel after this? When a girl turns down a guy, would she think of him as desperate? Or if she was interested in the first place would she still be? Thanks again!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]How do u think she would feel after this?[/quote]

I don’t know how she feels because she didn’t write me — you did! 🙂 I suggested you talk to her in person so that you don’t have to guess and pontificate about her feelings. If you get to know her better in person, you’ll have a much more realistic idea of what and how she feels since telling you she isn’t going to date you.

[quote] When a girl turns down a guy, would she think of him as desperate? [/quote]

Instead of talking about the situation in the third person, let’s talk about YOU! 🙂 It sounds like you’re worried about the way you appear to her now that you asked her out and she said no. My advice is to take that no as a gift and move on so you can find someone who will say yes! 🙂

In general, there are lots of reasons that girls turn down guys. They can be just not into you or they can be not allowed to date, per their parents, if they’re teenagers. It really depends on the specific young woman. There’s nothing you’ve written that indicates that you’re acting desperate. However, asking her out on Facebook was sort of the opposite. It was more of a “throw away” instead of asking her out as if the date would mean something special to you. So, no, I don’t think that she thought you were desperate at all. But….. you can insure she doesn’t think you’re desperate by moving on. 😀

[quote]Or if she was interested in the first place would she still be? [/quote]

So…. she told you she can’t go out with you because her parents won’t let her. And now you want to know if she is still interested. I’ve already told you to talk to her in person to find out more about her, and that’s really the best advice I can give you. You’re spending a lot of time talking to me about her, instead of talking to her about her! 😀

You asked her out. She said no. Now, it’s time to move on.

Hope that helps!

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