[westcoastgirl]

It has been almost a month since your last advice to me. I did not think my breakdown could have ruined a relationship so feel there must be more to what is going on. I have tried giving my boyfriend space since his distancing, but the time we spend together is becoming less and less. He has gone from texting me every day after work and asking me to come over or to go out, to hardly contacting me at all. I saw him twice last week and when we are together we had a really good time together, however he is spending more and more time making plans without me. I realize that he is probably looking to move on from our relationship, and could very well have met someone else. I am having anxiety issues and just want him to be honest with me. As we have been together for 10 or 11 months, I have been told that this is a new relationship stage and he just needs to sort out what he wants, but I question whether I am just being hopeful. He is busy most of this weekend and although he told me he would call me later today, I am pretty sure I won’t hear from him. He leaves for a business trip to California on Wednesday and although I would love to see him before he goes, I am not sure if I should contact him at all or just wait to hear from him? This is very difficult for me and I am quite confused on how to deal with him. I really feel I deserve better but I don’t want to sound needy and question him again as I know that this is what he is willing to give me right now. Is there anything I can do to help with my anxiety? Do you also have any suggestions on how to approach him or deal with him? It took me a long time to be able to trust someone again after my last breakup and as we took things very slow, I thought he really cared about me, now I feel stupid.

[westcoastgirl]

Hi April,
I want to thank you for your previous advise, however I became more invested in my relationship than you suggested. I wanted to send an update and to see if I really screwed up. At Christmas time, my relationship seemed to grow and advance to a new level. My boyfriend introduced me to his sister and I have met some of his friends. He spoiled me at Christmas and then New Years we spent a wonderful evening together. He was away on holidays in January at which time he contacted me every day and told me how much he missed me. Then in February I was away for a week, when again he contacted me everyday to say how much he missed me. I came home the day before Valentines and although he told me he hated Valentines day he arrived at my work with 18 long stem roses. We spend 4 or 5 days a week together and had been talking about purchasing a house together at the beginning of next year. My dilemma is this. The past two weeks, he has been quite distant. When I am at his house, he is either on his computer or his phone and does not cuddle with me. This past weekend I broke down and told him it was as if he had all of a sudden lost interest in me. He assured me I was being silly and that running a business takes time and he had gotten so busy, he needed to do things in the evenings. I of course felt like an idiot for breaking down. Since this has happened, although I do see him, I feel that things are not the same. Did I ruin what could have been a really great thing and how can I repair this? I have always given him his space, but I think he was really bothered by my lack of confidence in this issue.

[westcoastgirl]

Thank you it does help me to put things in a proper perspective. When I mentioned about him living in his mom’s basement, I should have clarified that he was a world level athlete and had been travelling extensively training and competing for the 2012 Olympics. He retired from his sport in the summer of 2013 and has been working endlessly to promote a new company he started in the fall of 2013. He is currently looking to buy his own home. I don’t want to make excuses for him as I know its unusual at his age. I will look at it as we are having a lot of fun together and will try my best to not become too attached. It does bother me that he won’t include me in functions with his group of friends, but I am not sure what kind of time limit I should give this? Would six months be a good indication is things don’t change? Thanks again.

[Member]

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