[josephart]

It’s not that I don’t want to marry her, but I’m not as successful as I’d like to be, and that’s the main problem here. I do believe she won’t wait for me until I have all the conditions to propose her, even though she knows I have what it takes to be a successful person.

She won’t wait, and perhaps she’s looking for a more mature and successful person, that might be one of the reasons why she’s moving to Dubai.

I’ve even told her that I can also move to Dubai to find a job there, which she answered negatively, and told me that it’s better for me to stay in China and continue with my professional development here, because there’s nothing I can do in Dubai to enrich my career.

There’s nothing I can do now, I think the message is clear, she’s preparing to move on and date more men, but she won’t tell me this directly because she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. So right now I pretty much resigned, and I think the best decision for me is to move on also. It sucks, because just when you thought you finally found someone worth it, you are still not ready for her.

I think I need to talk to her about this and express how I feel, but this would imply the end of the relationship sooner than expected, I don’t know If it’d be better to tell her right away, or wait until she’s about to leave, and after that, I wouldn’t like to lose all communication with her, but I don’t know If it would be the best thing to do.

[josephart]

Well, she’s older than me, she’s currently 28 and I’m 27, and I’ve been dating her since I’ve met her in China, which is almost one year of relationship.
I have to be honest, I’m pretty scared, and I’m scared of losing her. That’s because I’ve noticed that she’s being acting odd recently, and I can feel that she’s accepting how things are now and how things will be after she leaves.

I still have hope, and I’m very committed to her, and she knows that, however, I don’t feel the same feeling of security that I had before with her, perhaps it’s because the tribulations of a long distance relationship, the unknown, the ever-changing schedules that she’s going to have, the life-style that she will have and the rejections that I’d have to deal with because of her changing mood, tiredness and loneliness if she’s decides to continue with the relationship.

She’s been asking me questions like if I’d sleep with another woman, to what I’ve always answered with a solid “no”. This makes her feel confused, and I understand her, because of her previous relationships. It seems she hasn’t experienced a relationship where trust and commitment are the basis, and I believe this is a cultural thing among Chinese couples, so she grew up without these concepts. She even once told me that she didn’t believe that there would be a man who would be as committed for a woman like me.

But then, our realistic part kicks in, and makes us think about a lot of fears, especially me.
I can’t simply go to see her to Dubai and ask for a 7-days leave in my work every month, she’s not going to have regular holidays anymore. What about physical and sexual desires, I know she’s not a bad person, but she’s going to be in bad situations, and I’ve heard that the job that she is going to have has a lot of bad situations, that when mixed with loneliness, frustration and distance, can end up in being unfaithful.

Right now she doesn’t like to talk about this anymore, and I haven’t had the chance to express all of this in a proper way. Perhaps she wants me to be strong and to let time decide how things will develop in the future? Or maybe she has the same fears and doesn’t know what to do with the relationship… Probably both.

Still, she hasn’t given up yet, and the time of her departure is getting closer.

[Member]

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