[dogsandcats]

Sorry to post under another name – could not remember my ID or log in. Your linked reminded me of the username.

Sorry to be back here with another question 😯

Here’s my question.

I am struggling BIG time with a man I love very deeply. I’m going to keep this as short as I can.
We just got engaged — about a month ago. He expected me to move to him — about 3 hours away from my place of work and my 9 year old son.
Because I am the “man” in my previous relationship — my ex maintained primary custody because he doesn’t work nearly as much as I do. I have been the breadwinner.
My fiancé is well off and doesn’t NEED me to work — and he wants me to just quit without a job and move to be with him — and drive back and forth every other weekend and once during the week to see my son. Which is about what I see him even while living in his town – because I work so much.

Anyway, my fiancé is very bitter over my ex and the child support I have to pay. He has begged me to quit like I said without a job — but he also tells me that he can’t guarantee that we can cover hotel expenses to see my son. He said I would need to stay with friends etc – if times got tough.

I told him that I felt that I should keep working until I found a new job in his town — just to make sure I always can cover my bills. He was NOT okay. He says I don’t trust him.

well, one time a few months ago he got angry at me for wanting to stay overnight after work in my son’s hometown — instead of driving back to his house. I wanted to stay in a hotel. He was so mad that he cut off my access to money. He said he THOUGHT I had a credit card. I didn’t. I had no place to sleep because I didn’t even have gas money to get back to his house at that point. Well, I tried calling him and he wouldn’t answer. His daughter couldn’t even reach him. So, I had to stay at my ex husband’s house – who was kind enough to allow me to sleep with my son.

My fiancé blew up and sais I should have NEVER stayed there. And he insinuated I was a cheater. I say this – because this is the basis of my lack of trust. When I remind him of the fact that he cut me off – he freaks out and says that I just don’t trust and I should have never gotten engaged.

Well, last night he became VERY angry that I wanted to continue to work at my job 3 hours away. I have been doing a DAILY commute of 6 hours – to live at his house and work – because he worries that I will cheat or something. I have done this to make him feel secure. I’m super exhausted.

So he doesn’t want that to continue either – but I don’t know if I should trust him when I have no money and no job?? He says I can — but what if he decides that he cuts me off over some strange argument?

He tells me that I am acting like a victim and that I will just need to control my impulses to drive to see my son too many times a week.

So — my last day at work COULD BE tomorrow — unless I beg to stay on longer — I do NOT want to leave this man — I love him — but I admit that I’m worried about trusting him.

I asked him last night to put it in writing that he would always pay my child support until I get a job and he refused. He said that I am acting insane for asking something like that… What do you think?

In the past, you mentioned I should leave and put my son first. SInce that advice things really calmed down and he’s been great With my son.

But, even when I get so angry and hurt — I somehow lack the strong will to leave him. Is there something wrong with me? I wonder what my problem is —

[dogsandcats]

The problem that I have is that I love him – and a huge part of me wants to remain with him.

I want to “surrender” to him, but something in me tells me that I need to hold back.

I will also mention that he has hired private investigators to follow me and my 9 year old – to make sure I’m not with anyone else.

He also has rages and I’m not used to someone getting so angry- and when he first heard me arguing with my ex husband on the phone he grabbed the phone from my ear and told my ex that he was going to “fu*k him up” if he kept calling me.

The other thing he did was tell my lawyer and my ex that we were engaged. (we weren’t). I am a news anchor and word got out and it got on talk radio that I was engaged. When I told my BF about this – he told me that “people get un-engaged all the time – it was no big deal.”

Then, the night before we were supposed to go on a very $$$ planned ski trip (where he was supposed to propose apparently) – My lawyer told me my ex was potentially calling an emergency custody hearing because of my BF’s Private eyes around my son. I told my BF I couldn’t go because I had to attned this hearing. He told me if I didn’t come – he was done with me.

He said that my lawyer could handle it — we got back together again that week — but then he started calling me in the middle of the night demanding I use facetime to prove no one was in my bed with me.

And then, I had to call the police recently because I got scared when he got jealous of a text message he found on my phone. He was livid and I was worried he was going to come unglued. The cops came and I told them I was fine. But, my BF told me that if they showed up that he was going to tell them that I broke into the house. I told them that I did not break in – and that I was told if I called them — my BF was going to claim that.

They arrested my BF for interfering with a 911 call. They hauled him off to jail and my BF nearly broke up with me. The only way we got back together is that he asked to hire me an attorney to represent me and that “I” would claim I made a false statement — and that would clear HIS record. and I wouldn’t get in trouble either. So, I haven’t done this yet — but I’m considering it. I don’t want him to lose his medical license – even though I did not lie.

What do you think?

[dogsandcats]

Thanks, April.

This is true. I have realized I essentially live in my car. He wants me to live with him (3 hours from my son and my work) and since I haven’t been able to fully commit — I have commuted daily. 6 hours!

My car is a disaster. I look a wreck. I’m exhausted. And if I don’t travel there — HE TRAVELS to ME!

He works fewer hours than I do — and he tells me that’s his proof that he loves me SO much that he just can’t live without me.

I think what I need to ask — does his behavior sound abusive?

[Member]

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