When we met he had been divorced over 5 years. We dated on and off for about 8 years, then broke up for about 5 years. During that break up he was married and divorced. He is now 42 and I am 47.
Yes, I think he is hurting himself and his family by not coming to terms with his feelings. He has told me numerous times that he feels like he has failed by not having successful marriages. 1st marriage she cheated, he went through counseling with her, but she didn’t make an effort. Really created tough situation with their son. 2nd sounded like she really changed and no longer wanted the same things…family, home, settling down. Really sad.
He has always been open and caring with me, then can get very protective; he says he doesn’t deserve me. Being very hard on himself, like he needs to be perfect. Then that usually causes him to get quiet. I’ve gotten him to open up, and I think that scares him believing he’s not the tough guy…no longer one in his gang of friends. Like they have all been perfect and strong? ??
His mom said some things like how great it was to have me over, and enjoyed having me meet her mother (Boyfriends grandma). She gave me this hug and this look a few months ago…I could be totally reading into it, but I know that look. I’ve seen it in my mom’s eyes because my brother went through a rough relationship. Even his sister-in-law took me aside to tell me how much my BF was working and him taking me to family events and houses was great to be a part of. His brother and sister-in-law laughed because I really liked the new motorcycle his brother got and we spent so much time looking at it and talking about it. My BF and I spent so much time there because it was so much fun.
Now there isn’t much time for that. BF working, family obligations, low on money…he is pulling away.
I know intervention is a strong word. I just want him to know that we support him and know there will be difficult times, he doesn’t always have to be strong. And I meant that if he said he needed time or might struggle figuring things out, I would give him time. The important thing is that he be honest and communicate with me, with us all.
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