Yes, you’re quite right with all that. The fact that I don’t feel good in the situation I am in by itself excludes having women in my life. As for this girl, I tend to be swept away in the feelings of others, to feed on the reflection I get from them. With her, I managed to avoid it for a long time and just saw her neutrally without any intentions. Then at some point, after getting so many signals of interest, I just gave in. This has happened before, with a married woman (which I didn’t know she was, though she probably wasn’t when I first met her). At some point I “gave in” and became obssessed with her without knowing anything about her, that was actually my previous “tragedy”. I should meet more people to avoid getting so centered on particular women which I start thinking are my match, but it’s difficult, and the jobless thing is a part of that. As for this girl, it will be difficult to let go when I see her kind of regularly and to see that I am something that she desires makes me feel like a tremendous loser. I will try to cut feeding her ego or something.
