[JRove22]

Dear kate94,

Just to be upfront, I will say that what I say from this point on are only suggestions and are my own personal, objective points of view and advice, which you may or may not choose to take into consideration.

Now, let’s look at the obvious facts: you are in your mid-twenties, your male partner/familiar is 9 years older than you and there’s nothing wrong with that. I understand your concerns and your frustration. From what I understood, you really do like this man and you obviously want a serious, committed relationship with public factual status of the fact, but he has not made your position in his life clear.

Yes, it’s only been a short while since you’ve been around each other and you have a good relationship going, but as time passes only more questions rise from it. To be honest and straight forward with you, I apologize if what I will say may hurt you or upset you but sometimes we have to listen and pay attention to what we don’t want to hear.

Just because he has introduced you to friends, family, those important and spends time with you, that does not mean it is important for him unlike for you. To him it is a simple routine he functions with and is used to with those he chooses to be involved with. His family and friends are also used to seeing one after the other regardless.

I know sometimes it is hard to understand even what you are personally looking for and even harder to ask for things you want when you are afraid what you have now can be ruined. You have to acknowledge and understand that there is always a risk of something going wrong, therefore causing an end to what you have with this man and anyone in general, regardless of the type of relationship, friends, etc.

If I were you the first few things I’d begin doing are:

1) be a little more selfish with yourself and your time, meaning do not spend time with him every time he wants to and do what you need to do at hand, your daily tasks. Focus on you in becoming a better you because you are better than you think.

2) Do not reply immediately or even for a couple hours and gradually days when he calls or text messages you. Reply every now and then, I’d say starting somewhere around a couple hours then 48 hours.

3) Give yourself and him space and lower the frequency of your communication level. Call once and message every two weeks then make it one week then another three weeks just to see how each of you are doing and you can go out only once within two different periods. For example if you contact him after one week you can go out somewhere and spend time with him once. Then again two weeks later.

4) Do not always give in to sexual temptation and do not initiate it, ever. Every now and then is ok, like one time one week then not until the next month. If he does not initiate after one month do not get upset, also this all depends how active you both are. Understand sex is important but not everything. It isn’t the glue that makes everything better or keeps you together either. A man doesn’t choose a woman just based on the sex, they look at the overall package and qualities just like women because understand that men can get sex from numerous sources.

5) Do not believe absolutely 100% of what he tells you regarding for example how you said he told you, you are the only one he’s doing things with. That may and may not be true, and you will not know the truth, but that’s ok. Just analyze, observe him, the meanings behind what he says or does when it comes to you versus in general. Keep the details to yourself.

6) Do not feel bad about yourself or think you are lacking because in truth a person may or may not honestly care and may or may not realize they are hurting your feelings. Be happy with yourself and do not make the relationship your only or grand source for happiness. Life is more than that, and love needs to understand. It is hard to do what you should do when your feelings tell you something different. Understand yourself more, be patient with yourself and get to know yourself more, know when to put your foot done so to speak for yourself.

7) Believe in what will be, will be. Believe that perhaps he is for you or he may not be and that’s ok. Believe that things happen for a reason.

8) Value yourself as the best woman anyone would be extremely lucky to share a life with. Depend on yourself more than anything and know that only you truly know what is best for you regardless of what anyone, even I might say. In the end you will understand why you make or made your decisions and you’ll learn a little bit more, that’s life, maybe complicated at times, but that’s still ok.

Well, I hope this helps guide you and that you take this advice into consideration. It was a privilege learning your story/ situation and getting the opportunity to reach out to you. Good luck!

Sincerely,

JRove22

[Member]

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