[Anonymous]

I am in the exact same situation… I want more affection from my boyfriend of 1 year. I have asked him to kiss me more, etc. He won’t actually sleep with me or touch me even though we sleep in the same bed every night. When I try and talk to him he shuts up or gets mad. I am about to decide between him and a really good job that I enjoy alot, and if i can’t get him to talk to me about our relationship etc, I’m going to have to keep the job. I hope you get some good advice that i can use too..
Btw… I’m 31 and hes 25…

[Anonymous]

this same type of thing happened to me last year 🙁

[Anonymous]

April is completely right, it’s time to move on. You mention that she seems comfortable and relaxed and appears to be the woman she had wanted to be, and thats because she is now all of them things.

She has moved on from you, which she no doubt did several months ago emotionally and physically, and is leading the life she wants to lead. You need to stop over analysing her situation with her fella. It doesnt matter what they are too each other or what type of relationship she now has with him, because it’s hers and his life and she has moved on from you.

Stop beating youself up about the car he has bought her, or the expensive clothes etc she was wearing, because he has spoilt her both financially and sexually for a long time so none of the materialistic things should come as a surprise.

Letting go is hard, incredibly hard, because you clearly still love her. But that ship sailed a long time ago and like it or not, accept it or not, she is with the person she wants to be with and that person is not you.

You have to move on because she has found the life she wants and needs and now you need to.

Good luck x

[Anonymous]

um, i think it’s quite obvious what he wanted from you. sex. and when you wouldn’t give it up but offered a bj and then said no to that he hit the road.
don’t pursue him and quit texting him and asking him if he finds you attractive or not. thats not the issue. the issue is with you having some self respect and not wasting your time with some loser that only wanted to take you to bed (or the back seat).
what you look like has nothing to do with his interest in you. when you were flirting with each other you thought he was interested in something more than a physical relationship (which, unfortunately, a lot of women do because we are, by nature, very emotional beings), when a sexual relationship was the only thing he wanted.
i am sure you are a very pretty, albeit naive, girl. you deserve so much better. there are guys out there that will treat you like gold. don’t waste your time on this person that treats you like dirt.
good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

I find conveying my feelings in writing over the internet hard, and re-reading my posts to you i realise that it came across that it was only the boob job which raised the alarm bells in me!!

Anyway, the reason i am contacting you is to get some much needed advice and thoughts on how i move on from my wife?

I’m finding it very very difficult. During her time away with him on holiday after she moved out i couldnt sleep properly because of thinking about her with him.

Last week she came to the house to collect the rest of her belongings, looking very relaxed and comfortable and driving a brand new expensive car which he had bought her and wearing clothes which must have cost a fortune. During her time at the house she presented to me the details of the divorce from her lawyers, which will mean a quick divorce. She just seemed another person nowadays, like she had finally embraced the woman she had wanted to be for months, and i was upset for a long time after she left.

i’m finding it all very difficult.

[Anonymous]

Dear SHiloh,

Few years back I had a boyfriend for a few months that confessed to me he was addicted to porn. Now i have to tell you that I am not and I was not overweight , on the contrary since I am a physical training specialist , he used to often compliment me about my shape and stamina. Still, he was spending nights watching porn !
So, his addiction is partly not because of your weight gain.

On the other hand most of my female clients have this sort of issue not only after child birth , but usually when they let themselves go and put on too much weight or they are generally not taking care of their body. Men are visual beings and even if they say they still love your “heart” .

Dear Shiloh , in life and relationships in general we are playing a role , all the time and even if we want people’s compassion and understanding for a while we are still on the “stage” , all the time. There are things in life only we can do and it’s our responsibility to do it. Taking care of your body in all circumstances of life is one of them.
Taking care of your health and good looks.
From my experience pregnancy and child birth are trying times . A lot of my clients managed to go through this without significant body changes. But they took real responsibility for it, they worked hard, exercised and did not eat for two. I am telling you all these to encourage you , to give you confidence in your body and your ability to shape it and control it at all times.
Now I can give you an idea relating to your body issue.

Do not feel a victim, do not get depressed, do not take the excuses road. Take responsibility. This is very empowering and the only way to improve your body shape. Make it as a strong inner decision and work at it with your whole being. Do not talk about it. Just do it.
Get professional help, go to the gym, read about nutrition, hire a personal trainer if you can afford, get all the help you need along the way. In addition to that use your mind as a tool. Stay positive, and when you feel the
going gets difficult ask sincerely for help from professionals. Give yourself some time , fast weight loss is ineffective in the long term. Work on losing weight slowly while toning your muscles. Do weight training three times a week. That will create tone in your body and will act as natural medicine for your body and mind.
Amazing things will happen: your self confidence and trust in your ability will increase tremendously, you will commend respect from others without winning or asking for it, you will understand your limitless power on recreating yourself, you will gain knowledge about dealing with yourself that will help you later on in life.

It is an investment that nobody can take from you no matter who is in your life, who wants to stay or who wants to go.
I have to tell you that the physical aspect becomes a problem in many couples . Some of them take responsibility and work on it. One of the results is a spark in sex life. 😆
I hope this helps and looking forward to read from April ,
Purple Rain

[Anonymous]

I mean as in sexual intercourse, I there any other way to satisfy our sexual desires other than intercourse?

[Anonymous]

You are reacting rather than responding. Reaction is impulsive. Response is measured and thoughtful. Not always easy to do when someone does something that provokes jealousy. But you [i]can[/i] stop reacting and withdraw from the situation to give yourself time to decide what is the best course of action for you to take. I don’t know what the definition of ‘psycho’ is, but certainly it’s no fun when someone lies to your face and it’s about their feelings for another person. Whether you are male or female, it feels really crummy. 🙁

Is it possible there have been other issues between you two that precipitated her interest or encouragement of someone else? Because that is what she’s done: introduce a third person into your relationship. You’ve heard of a love triangle? 😕

Lying is a hard one — it’s hard to trust the person afterwards.She lied to you on three different occasions, told you she liked someone else and, when you gave her an ultimatum (him or me), told you she had to think about it. 😕 Then she called you psycho. Now you say you can’t trust her anymore.

This relationship may have run its course and be over.

[Anonymous]

Thanks April, but I have a question, is there any way for us to satisfy eachother’s sexual needs other than sex?

[Anonymous]

I agree that it is probably my best option, going to a support group I mean. We are using “better birth control” and even along with the birth control I am also not making myself available on my “baby making days” just to be sure.
I have considered getting my tubes tied but my doctor told me that I am too young to get it done with no medical reason to do so.

I am going to do what I can in spite of everything because I love him.

I want to thank you for your honesty and advice. It is really appreciated.

Just so you know we have been living together for am month now (I know short) but it’s going well. I am glad I didn’t give up even though part of me wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Do you think she will ever come around? And do you think she’s only talking with that guy to make me jealous? Because before she didn’t seem that into him she just thought he was cute

[Anonymous]

Emotionally abusive relationships can be some of the most difficult. I agree with the person that said that someone who has never been in one wouldn’t understand. Not saying I know anything about April’s life but she has made some valid points as well.
Unless he is physically harming you or threatening to he can’t MAKE you do anything but I do understand. He can be verbally abusive if you don’t, possibly withholding love or affection to manipulate you into getting what he wants which may not show the same scars on a persons body but can be extremely devestating. It can make you feel unloved and shoot your confidence but it happens so gradually over a period of time you don’t notice it until it is too late or you are too scared to leave because he has made you feel n o one else will want you. Or maybe you feel that on your own because your self esteem has suffered.
April was also right in saying you NEED to assert yourself. Stand up to him no matter how difficult because you are the most important person in your life. Think of yourself as the star of your movie. Why are you letting hI’m star in your movie?
I feel it would be in your best interest, if you want to get with him again to stand up and let him know you want to see the changes BEFORE you two get back together. Therapy should be started before you get back together and you would like to see behavior changes as well. You deserve it. As much as you might never want to hear this though and I have been through it so I know it’s hard to hear. You have a part in this as well. Someone cannot step on you if you don’t allow it. It may be an idea for you to go to therapy as well to help rebuild your confidence and learn to stand up for yourself for the sake of either this relationship or any other romantic venture you have. I believe men want real women not doormats when it comes to serious relationships and you should learn men cannot control you unless you let them. If you want to say no say no and if he leaves you because you have the wrong car or bank account brush your shoulders off because he never loved you. You need to love you first and others will respect you. Not just in live but in life.

[Anonymous]

I really appreciate your advice and its going to go a long way.
Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Dear April,

I followed your advice and told him about the surgery, but did not ask anything. And then something amazing happened. Not only that he was very supportive , within one hour he made sure I had all the finances needed. But it is not only about the money. It is about the way he made me feel and what he said. ” I am your lover, your friend and your man .” 🙄
You are so much right. April, you are an amazing expert wizard.
All that conflict and tension within myself dissappeared and that is because you helped me going out of that stupid comfort zone.
All my gratitude and respect for all the precious time and effort you spend for me. And lots of love for you.
Green Valley

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

I did as you said and created a profile here! Thank you.

Anyways, obviously there are always going to be 2 sides to the story, and each will have more detail for why things are done. However I intend to see that the facts on this are correct. There were never any guys in my life. I have a guy friend who I went to to finally cry and talk after I found out about the lies and pact with my best friend. It shook me to my core. My best friend had said awful things about me to him (bf) which he now only told me about as of 1 week ago. So, she was no longer my best friend, my boyfriend was a liar and was capable of that stuff and I was about 4 weeks pregnant. (We chose to not have it) My world was crumbling. I moved to this big city and had no one to vent to, to cry to…so I called a guy who is my friend, great listener and gives no judgment. I finally broke down and cried and said everything. I shared my personal relationship to him that normally I would never do. I DO NOT bring my relationship baggage to public, ever, especially to another guy. It is wrong to me to vent to another sex about my BF issues. I feel like it creates a world eventually to cheat.

Anyways, I was alone and vented. May I remind you while I was pregnant I was slowly being turned off by my BF by the lack of interest in providing and getting ready for a child as I was. I started resenting him. In turn everything irritated me and I was a hormonal pregnant person to say the least! I was upset that I was having a baby with a man I did not respect, trust or build a life with. We both decided not having the baby was best for the baby. However, the surgery had injured me and I was in the hospital for a week. Everyday my bf was there but later I come to find out as he was there he was on his phone looking up and saving photos to his phone of girls he liked prior to me…….YEP…as I was in the hospital.

After that we decided to see a therapist but to my dismay the therapist was about 30, female and gorgeous….I was uncomfortable. I stopped going. At this point I was insecure (because of the photos), unsupported, couldn’t trust anyone that meant a lot to me. I was alone in this city stuck living with my bf whom I did not trust. Since day 1 of meeting him he has always deleted everything, every text, email, everything. I did not trust the behavior. So I decided to get access in to his Gmail account to check the activity to build some sort of security with seeing no bad things after a while. However I found a way to track his searches. I also found a way to see the texts on his phone that were deleted. I felt searching was the only truth I would get. I no longer believed his words and only went off of his actions online. Of course I found some alarming searches online and some texts that did not match the stories he was telling. So the nose on Pinocchio grew even bigger.

Now here I am, in a new city, no friends to turn to here, turned off by men because of my bf and just don’t know what to do. Everything in my body says to leave him because I know that when you find the right person you don’t do what he was doing as well as not believing him or having the security anymore. Those are all big things to me. I also wonder why when my “best friend” was talking crap about me to him why he did not stand for me and be my protector. I beg for him to let me go, let me leave, take a break but he does not do so….it will take me to change my number and block him to get him out. I am tired of waking up everyday feeling not good enough, insecure, unwanted, walked all over, made for a fool, embarrassed.

Why do I hang on…even a little? Am I sick?

[Member]

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