[Anonymous]

Thanks for your reply.

That is what friends have been saying to me but when you love someone so much you just can’t let go. Its so difficult and I am trying to understand 🙁

I spoke to her brother today and he said that this was her first relationship and talking of marriage would of daunted her, maybe not straight away but he seems to think she was scared because I became heavy.
I got carried away because she said all the right things and was positive about our future but I may of made the mistake of going to far but I couldn’t help it because it was in the heat of the moments. I dont know for sure but her brother said to give her time and space, he said he would speak to her today but I texted him and said leave it for abit because I think that just might add fuel to the already alight fire this soon. He recommened giving her time and he said he will speak to her another time and leave it for a little while. I explained fully to him like I did you. I spoke to him because I knew I didnt have anything to lose because its make or break pretty much, shes probably has already gone regardless. I knew he could understand her most then any other person I would talk to and thats the understanding I need.

I know you said to cut my losses and thats good advice because it doesnt look good but what do advice If I can’t let her go. My other friend Shayne said don’t contact her and and pesty her, just let her breathe and he said surely if she felt something in the first place she would start wondering about me and eventually text me but he said that could take a little while, few days, a week and just let things take its course.

If i want to try and win her heart back what could be a good start, if things regain some positivity?

[Anonymous]

well, i think now instead of staying ‘stuck’ you really need to talk to your friend about it.
be honest and tell him to be honest with you. if you do decide not to pursue her, i think it would be in your best interest if you do not have any contact with her whatsoever. meet your friend outside of his house. maybe your place.
again, good luck to you and keep me posted.

[Anonymous]

There are a few things that I forgot to mention as I was attempting to type that from my phone….

First off she is mad about the timing of the pics being sent. It isn’t so much that I had them or saved them but the fact that I had done so about a month into the relationship when things were good. To be honest I have no diea why I saved them and hell I thought they were gone. My heart dropped when she showed me them. I didn’t know what to say.

Also, I wanted to mention about the profiles. They were facebook profiles of women I had prior interest in… now here is the situation concerning those is the fact she still keeps in contact with a guy that she used to see I would get uncomfortable that he would still contact her and she would respond at times. I really hated hearing about him, I still do. When she brought him up and talked about him it made me mad so instead of venting and saying things I might regret I instead would bring up a profile and in my mind it was like me saying something cutting to her. I never would think about it or look on it again, my mind was then at peace and I could let go the anger I would have with her. It was just something done in the moment when mad. I can see where she is coming from and how it hurts her, it just sucks because its like reliving a fight again as those were just in response to things that bothered me at the time and I didnt want to hurt her like that. And here I am now dealing with the exact feelings on her now that I had hoped to avoid because of my own stupidity and insecurity.

I love this woman with all my heart and want her to trust and love me back. I’ve opened my life to her so she can see that but I just hope it is enough. I am not a bad guy… but I know that I am not perfect by any means. My aim is to make her smile and know that I will never stray. I would never do something like that. I keep beating myself up about all of this. I can see both sides of the situation in how she feels about all of this and what my intent truly is and was. I am devoted to her and I want to make this better…. what do you suggest?

[Anonymous]

I am trying very hard to have a change of perspective on money issues in my relationship. I still feel I would like to have intimacy on emotional level only that revealing to him where I exactly stand scares me to the point that I am getting depressed over it. . . Not really depressed but sad. I am scared April, because I know that he likes woman financially strong and I am not there yet.
Recently I found out that I need a surgery that needs a bone transplant and all my decisions regarding it Are already done in my mind . . Unfortunately with the underlying thought that I ll be my own woman and go and have it done even without him being there and insisting that I don’t want him to be there and see me in such a circumstance.
And this is not the only aspect where I am not transparent with him. I filter most of the information I give him in general and mostly my emotions. I filter everything in fact. The way I react , to way I feel. . . I talk very little about my family problems , my own problems . . . Sometimes I say some facts but most of the times No !
I have always been secretive and extremely careful with what I say , even with my friends , even with my parents. Nobody really knows much about me and I never talk about my love relationship with any of my friends except in a few instances when I was too upset and I talked and then regretted . And I did not talk to my close friends I talked to someone that I don’t see or talk on regular basis.
I was planning to have some psychotherapy, only that yesterday I realized that I won’t be able to completely open to the therapist.
It is impossible for me at the moment to disclose myself . Sad. . But true.

[Anonymous]

People who have never been in an emotionally abusive relationship just don’t get it. It does sound weird to say “he makes me do something.” but I have been there and know exactly what you are saying. An emotionally abusive relationship can be just as damaging as a physically abusive one. It’s just with emotional abuse there isn’t all the support to go to the police. Just get some support. Go to a support group for women in abuse. It really helps. I don’t think I would have been able to leave my emotionally abusive husband without that support.
Good Luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Dear Misstery,

What kind of mad existence is this ? Have you had a look at yourself lately to realize who have you become since in this relationship ? Is this the kind of love life that you really want ?
You can make up your mind by asking yourself if you are satisfied with this kind of life. If yes, then you have to try not being affected by it. If not , it’s time to have a serious inside conversation and be strong with your decision.
I have no idea what April will tell you, she is the expert, and i am really looking forward to read her advice to you. Life is so precious that is not worth living it like this, in and out of love on weekly basis.
There is much more to love than this and I truly hope you ll get it.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps its me that needs to ask myself the true question. Do I want to be married? Or am I content with the relationship he has to offer. I believe once I know the answer to that then I will either be able to let go & move on or be content with life as it is.

[Anonymous]

We talked about this and it finally came to him being afraid of marriage. He said people change after marriage. I told him that there is not anything that states you have to be married to be with someone. I also mentioned that not everyone changes and just because he experienced difficulties in his relationship with his ex does not mean everyone is the same. Relationships are risky and nothing is guarenteed in life, you can live in a cave or you can take a chance on being happy. We both were married previously and unfortuntely his ex must have screwed up his life. The difference between him and I, is that I have been single or not married for nearly 20 years and him 3. I told him what is the rush just be straight with me. I mentioned that I am in my 40’s not in my 20’s and I would hope we were past games. I told him that I expect him to just be honest, that I deserve that much. We have talked about living together and I honestly think that he would like to get married but his rush seems to be a result of his kids perspective of how people live their lives with one another. I told him the world has changed over time and nothing is technically wrong with living with someone and not being married. I prefer it actually. I believe it gives you the opportunity to really get to know someone at face value. You just have to be ready and it has to feel right. Sure I would love to be married to him but I have the same right now as being married other then the same last name. I still have the same commitment as if I were married. I told him to think about what he wants and by the time I sell my house if he had not decided I will plan on getting my own place again that I did not mind. He said he wanted to be with me and me to live with him. I only want him to be happy as he seems like he has suffered many years by verbal abuse. I really love him. Does it seem as though I am being fair?

[Anonymous]

Thanks, I’ma do that and I’ll definitely let you know what happened.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the advice. I hope I’ll be ablest talk to him about what u did and why I did the stupid dare. Thank you so much.

[Anonymous]

What kind of flirting should I do? We tease each other frequently, and I do playfully hit his arm sometimes. Is this completely ok? I think he isn’t getting the idea that I’m interested in him through these actions though.

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to say thankyou April for your advice and guidance. You were brutally honest but it is what i needed.

I sat down with her and asked her to be truthful with me about whether or not our marriage was a priority for her and she told me it wasn’t anymore and if we were to stay together i would need to accept she would be spending a lot of time with her lover.

So i explained to her that a divorce was best for both parties, so i could try and move on with my life and she could be with him, and she agreed. She moved out on Sunday (and has gone on holiday with him immediately which shows her midset) and over the next few weeks the process of the paperwork will begin.

Thanks April.

[Anonymous]

Dear April,
You are one of the most generous people I ve read from in my entire life. It is amazing how you take the time to concentrate and read our letters, how you involve yourself mentally in our love issues and then write to each of us . I ve read through a lot of your replies. You are truly complex and in the same time very concise in your answers. I believe I can already see you in Heaven for all the work and good you do to us.
I am touched by your generosity. It is beyond words .
Tell me if there is something I can do for you.
With infinite respect and admiration,
Green Valley

[Anonymous]

get rid of him! something isn’t right when a guy takes another woman’s side over his girlfriends, right or wrong.
there is obviously something going on between the two of them. either it is ongoing or he is interested in getting something started. end it now while you still have a little bit of pride left. he’s not worth it.

[Anonymous]

You were definitely in the right. Not only did he not respect you as his girlfriend, but he supported someone and their actions that were disrespectful to you.

Upon speculation, you might even conclude that he has feelings for her, or that he has a stronger relationship with her. Honestly, you really should rethink your relationship. He shouldn’t have been threatening to leave you over this. He should have been on your side.

[Member]

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