[karemal]

Hello,
So here’s the story, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about two and a half years now and I’m feeling unhappy. I think that it stems from a feeling that my needs aren’t being met. I am a very affectionate, artistic, open, communicative person and he is non-verbose, usually closed off and not outwardly affectionate. I thought that after a while he would sort of loosen up and I would be able to see him open up to me and become more affectionate, but that hasn’t happened. I’ve tried talking to him about it, tried telling him very bluntly that I need that kind of thing (hugging, holding hands, random kissing etc.)- it signifies to me that he still cares, I’ve also tried initiating the affection first and he’s receptive but never initiates it himself.
As far as communication, when something is bothering him he just doesn’t talk to me about it until he’s taken so much of it that he explodes and we have a nasty fight, then I try and talk to him about what was really going on and why he is yelling at me he doesn’t want to talk about it because it will just lead to a long drawn-out conversation and since he is not a verbose person he hates them.
I come from a long line of closed-off non-affectionate people, and I don’t want to have to tolerate that again in my adult relationship. I know that everyone should have loving affection and good communication in their relationships, so why isn’t it in mine? I feel like I have tried everything and am at the end of my rope.
I guess my question, more than anything is, is there a way to get him to finally open up, and to get him to be more affectionate towards me? Or, is it time to call it a day, and end it? Should I give it the old college try, or is there hope of improvement?
Any advise would help, thank you!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

When did you start to feel unhappy?

Did anything change that might have caused this change in your feelings?

[Anonymous]

I am in the exact same situation… I want more affection from my boyfriend of 1 year. I have asked him to kiss me more, etc. He won’t actually sleep with me or touch me even though we sleep in the same bed every night. When I try and talk to him he shuts up or gets mad. I am about to decide between him and a really good job that I enjoy alot, and if i can’t get him to talk to me about our relationship etc, I’m going to have to keep the job. I hope you get some good advice that i can use too..
Btw… I’m 31 and hes 25…

[karemal]

I’m 21, he is 29 and we’re both divorced. We are both a bit jaded but I feel he let’s his past affect him far more than I do. He holds on to the past and let’s it fester within himself. Which I’ve also tried to talk to him about with no avail.
It’s hard to pin-point the exact time I started to feel unhappy, but I think it was shortly after we moved in together which was about a year ago. I haven’t really acknowledged these feelings until now because I thought I could get it worked out and the feeling of unhappiness comes and goes, but when it goes it always comes back. Which is why I’m examining it closely now, because I’m at a point now where it feels like its been so long and nothing has changed.

[karemal]

[quote=”cariboomedic”]I am in the exact same situation… I want more affection from my boyfriend of 1 year. I have asked him to kiss me more, etc. He won’t actually sleep with me or touch me even though we sleep in the same bed every night. When I try and talk to him he shuts up or gets mad. I am about to decide between him and a really good job that I enjoy alot, and if i can’t get him to talk to me about our relationship etc, I’m going to have to keep the job. I hope you get some good advice that i can use too..
Btw… I’m 31 and hes 25…[/quote]

I definitely feel for you, it’s tough isn’t it? It’s almost like you feel it was something you did wrong, and you just feel so starved for affection that it hurts sometimes. But I’m telling you it’s nothing we did wrong, I think they just have their own issues they need to work out. I don’t know about you, but I’m happy to help him but he’s got to give some effort too, and show some improvement.
I must say I’m glad that there is an outlet like this site where people like you and me can go and try to get some direction in a crazy situation. I do hope things get better for you, and some good advice is posted that we can both use. Good luck, and keep your head up!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[b]karemal[/b], it seems like your problems began a year ago when you and your boyfriend moved in together after dating for a year and a half. I’m not sure how long after you both divorced you started dating each other, but sometimes people try and “replace the missing limb” in a divorce. In other words, they just try to recreate the relationship they lost without doing the work required to figure out what went wrong and how to prevent another failed marriage. I think, from what you have (and haven’t) said, that’s what happened here.

Men don’t like to talk about their feelings and they dread having “the talk” about the relationship, so don’t expect your boyfriend to start opening up now — especially if he never did. If you haven’t already tried these tips, see if they work:

1. Look at your own life and see if you can improve it. Sometimes women look to their men to fix them. If you’re unhappy out of the relationship, you’re going to bring that dark cloud into the relationship.

2. Sex is a great healer of all wounds. 😎 It’s also going to get him to be more open and affection out of the bedroom.

3. Dates! Once you start living together, the courtship that brought you together often gets lost. Try and reinstitute date night and focus on having fun without the burden of fixing things you think are broken in the relationship. 😉

In the case of [b]cariboomedic[/b], her very interesting post today reveals that she’s never had sex with her boyfriend, even after living with him, so I think it’s a very different situation. Here’s her specific relationship problem: [url]https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=171298[/url].

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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