[Ethan Morales]

Waiting exactly “two weeks” to call someone back is playing a game that only works if both players agree on the rules and most of the time they don’t. The bigger truth April was getting at is this: don’t let a clock replace your judgment. If you actually want the person, waiting just to score points usually looks like avoidance or passive-aggressive behavior. If you don’t want them, then by all means wait (or don’t call at all). But if you do want them, be honest and be timely.

Practical rule of thumb: if you’re genuinely interested, reach out within 1–3 days. That’s long enough to avoid the “I’m desperate” vibe, and short enough to show you care. Two weeks? That’s the kind of delay that signals disinterest or that you’ve moved on. Only wait longer if there’s a real reason travel, emotional cooldown after a fight, or you need space to think not just because you read some “rule.”

How you reach out matters more than the exact hour on the clock. Keep it simple and clear. A short text that gives him a gentle opening and an option to meet is better than an overwrought call or a passive “hey” that begs for attention. Examples you can use:

“Hey, been thinking about our conversation. Want to grab coffee Thursday? Hey, I’d like to talk. Are you free this weekend? Hey, it’s me. Quick question, do you want to meet up and talk this week?”

If he was the one who left things unresolved and you need time to cool off, tell him that: “I’m taking a little time, but I want to talk next week.” That’s honest and sets the boundary. If he ghosted you or messed up, waiting can be a test but even then, don’t weaponize two weeks. Use the time to decide what you want, not to play psychological games.

Don’t wait two weeks just because you think romance has a timer. Be timely, be clear, and act from a place of preference (I want this) rather than strategy (I’ll wait to seem valuable). Want me to draft a one-line text tailored to your exact situation? Say the word and I’ll keep it short and to the point.

[Ethan Morales]

April’s right, and this is serious. not dumb and it’s worth dealing with now before resentment corrodes the rest of the relationship. This isn’t just “bad timing.” Sex is intimacy, communication, and emotional connection. When it drops off that hard and that fast, it’s a symptom, not the whole disease. It could be stress, health, medication, depression, boredom, or plain mismatch. You don’t have to accept it as “just how he is” without checking those possibilities.

Talk like an adult, not an accuser. Sit him down and say exactly what you said here: you’re hurting, you miss intimacy, and you need to know if he’s willing to try to fix it with you. Use specific examples and requests (“I need sex X times a month” won’t sound romantic but it’s clear). Ask him to be honest not defensive about what’s happening for him.

Rule out the medical/psychological stuff. If he’s open, he should see a doctor: hormones, meds, sleep, depression all can crush libido. Suggest a checkup together as a team move, not an accusation.

Make a plan don’t just hope. If he’s willing, set practical steps: reduce stressors, schedule date nights, experiment in small ways, try couples counseling or sex therapy. If he’s not willing to try anything concrete in a measurable timeframe (say 6–8 weeks), that’s a decision point for you.

Know your non-negotiables. You already said you can’t live without a healthy sex life. That’s valid. If he can’t meet that need after honest attempts, walking away isn’t failure it’s choosing alignment. Compatibility on sex and intimacy is as real as compatibility on kids or finances.

Don’t punish or cheat. If you’re considering straying, stop. It will make everything worse and destroy any chance of repair. Either negotiate an outcome you agree on (open relationship, separation, breakup) or try the adult route — honest talk and therapy.

[Ethan Morales]

you messed up, yeah. but so did he. Both of you made impulsive choices in the heat of the moment. That doesn’t excuse what you did, but it does mean you’re not the only flawed character in the story. People forgive; they also need time to mean it. Don’t try to erase the mistake with drama or over-apology.

April’s basic advice is solid: don’t chase. Let him have the space to choose you again, if he wants to. Chasing looks needy; it doesn’t rebuild trust. Acting like your normal, steady self is the fastest way to make him comfortable being around you again. Give him the ball and let him pick it up.

That said, “don’t chase” isn’t the same as “do nothing.” Do the quiet, boring work: Make a short, sincere apology (if you haven’t already) that admits the mistake without begging. One sentence then stop. Follow that with consistent, predictable behavior. Show up on time, be kind, keep your promises, don’t flirt with other people to make him jealous. Reliability is trust’s slow currency. Let your actions do the convincing. Trust rebuilds on small, repeated proofs, not grand speeches.

If after a reasonable stretch he still ignores you in person while texting, that’s a red flag. He may be testing you, or he may be punishing you. Either way, don’t get stuck waiting forever. Set yourself a private deadline say 4–6 weeks to see real change. If nothing meaningful happens, move on. Your life is bigger than anyone who can’t treat you with basic respect.

Use this as a lesson, not a catastrophe. You learned what impulsive choices do to relationships. That’s painful info, but useful. If you want, I can draft that one-sentence apology and a short plan you can follow over the next month to rebuild steadiness. something that sounds real, not desperate. Want that?

[Ethan Morales]

You chased him first and he didn’t chase back. That tells you more about his level of interest than anything he says. Giving you a key was easy for him, low-effort, low-risk. while actually changing his schedule or making time, showing affection, or prioritizing you would have been higher-effort. He chose the easier option. That matters.

If you want a relationship where you feel seen and cherished, you can’t pretend that the dog-level affection is a sign of something deep. It’s not. Either he’s emotionally closed-off, genuinely overwhelmed by work, or he simply doesn’t value the relationship the way you do. None of those are your problem to fix. They’re his.

Practical next steps: return the key, stop being the default evening option, and see how he reacts. If he pursues you after that great. If he doesn’t, you saved yourself months (or years) of being second place to his routines. If you want to keep things casual and are fine with minimal affection, set that boundary clearly to yourself first so you don’t feel foolish later.

If you want something to say, use one of these short lines: Returning the key: “I don’t want to be the person who’s just hanging out at your house. I’m returning your key.” Setting a limit: “I like spending time with you, but I need more than being your evening filler. If that can’t happen, I need to step back.”. If he asks why you’re pulling away: “I need someone who makes an effort to be in my life. If you can’t do that, we should stop pretending this is a relationship.”. Don’t confuse comfort for commitment. You deserve someone who chooses you actively, not by default. If he’s capable, he’ll show up. If he isn’t, let that be his loss not your lifetime sentence.

[Ethan Morales]

First, you’re getting a crash course in how attraction works and how unfair it can feel. Some people have that thing that pulls attention without even trying. It’s frustrating, especially when it feels like they’re taking up all the oxygen in the room. But what’s happening isn’t about you being “less than” it’s about her being a temporary magnet in a small social circle. Once everyone grows up a bit and the dating pool expands, that magnetic power fades fast.

April’s main point “competition exists, so be your best self” is real. Instead of trying to outshine your friend in her lane, find your own lane. When you double down on what makes you interesting, people notice. Confidence, humor, kindness, unique hobbies those are long-term attractive traits. Think of it like this: she might get the first glance, but the person who has depth and individuality gets the second look the one that actually matters.

And April’s advice to learn from her is gold. Don’t hate her for being liked; observe what draws people to her. Is it the way she carries herself? The way she talks to people? You can borrow parts of that energy without copying her. That’s called self-evolution, not competition.

The part about talking to her is tricky but powerful. If she’s a real friend, she’ll care how you feel and she might even tone things down once she realizes it hurts others. If she’s not, that tells you who she really is. Either way, you win because you’ll know where you stand.

Don’t waste energy resenting her glow. Build your own light. The right person won’t just like you, they’ll see you. And trust me, that’s a lot better than being everyone’s crush-of-the-week.

[Ethan Morales]

Don’t date someone who’s still married. That’s the simplest, cleanest rule here. Until the paperwork is signed and the emotional dust settles, you’re not stepping into a relationship you’re stepping into someone else’s mess. That mess will pull you in, sooner or later, and it rarely ends well for the newcomer.

Add the kid into the equation and it gets more complicated. A two-year-old doesn’t need a revolving door of adults in their life. If you want something casual and you’re emotionally prepared for the chaos, that’s one thing but if you want stability or anything that could turn serious, this is a bad time to get involved. Kids change the stakes overnight; responsibility and stress go up, and your freedom goes down.

The age gap is small in numbers but could matter in maturity and life-stage. You’re 20, starting out; she’s 24, dealing with ending a marriage and parenting. That doesn’t make her a villain just a person in a complicated season. You’ve got a lot of life to live; don’t mortgage your early years on someone who can’t be fully available.

If you want a short checklist: (1) Is she legally single? No → pause. (2) Is her divorce finalized and is she emotionally stable? No → pause. (3) Are you okay being a casual support without expectations? If not → don’t start. If yes → set strict boundaries and keep your heart out of it.

If you need a line to use, honest and low-drama: “I like you, but I’m not ready to date someone who’s still married. If things are final later on, let’s talk. Until then I want to keep things simple.” Say it once. Mean it. Then stick to it.

[Ethan Morales]

You’re overthinking this, man. I get why, you’re coming off a breakup, you’ve had drama with your ex and her friends, and your confidence is a little rattled. But from where I’m sitting, this is exactly the moment where you either step up or let hesitation run the show.

April’s advice is spot-on: you’ve waited long enough, now it’s time to act. Flirting signals fade because energy fades. Attraction isn’t static; it’s like a fire that needs oxygen. When you don’t feed it with action a smile, a conversation, an ask it cools off. That doesn’t mean she’s lost interest forever, it just means you’ve given her nothing new to respond to.

And no, she probably doesn’t think you’re “weak.” Women don’t usually analyze like that. What she might be thinking is: “Okay, he noticed me, I gave him a few signals… guess he’s not into me.” That’s all. She adjusts and moves on. So if you walk up now, confidently, she’s not going to care that it took you a few weeks she’ll just see a guy finally taking initiative.

The thing I’d tell you is this: you’re using “perfect timing” as an excuse. There’s never perfect timing. You’ve just got to be real. Walk up after class, say something simple like, “Hey, I’ve been meaning to talk to you want to grab coffee sometime?” You don’t need to explain the distractions or the ex. She doesn’t need your backstory, she just needs to feel your presence right now.

If you keep waiting until the “moment feels right,” you’ll miss it completely. The nerves are normal. The only way to get your game back is to play. So yeah, April’s right. Walk over, say hi, and ask her out. You don’t need a plan; you just need five seconds of courage. Can I ask, though, what’s really holding you back at this point? Fear of rejection, or that little piece of you that’s still tied to your ex?

[Ethan Morales]

April’s advice here isn’t about arbitrary “rules” it’s about energy management. She’s not saying, don’t kiss too soon or he’ll lose respect. She’s saying: don’t give everything away before desire has space to build.

A first kiss isn’t just about lips it’s about mystery, curiosity, chemistry. When you hold back a little, you’re not playing games; you’re giving that spark room to grow. And when you do finally share that kiss, it means something. That’s the essence of what April calls “the wanting.”

That said, I think it’s equally important to honor your instinct. If you’re with a man, you feel that connection, your heart is racing, and you want to kiss him it’s perfectly fine. There’s no moral line you’re crossing. What matters is that the kiss comes from mutual excitement, not obligation or fear of losing him.

April’s last point that the man should be the one to initiate speaks to an older dynamic of masculine pursuit, which still resonates for many people because it preserves polarity. The man leads, the woman responds. It’s not about power; it’s about rhythm. But even within that, you can signal interest hold eye contact a second longer, smile, step closer. You can invite him to initiate without taking that away from him.

So my take? Don’t kiss him because the “timing” says it’s okay. Kiss him because the moment does. But if you’re not sure yet let him earn it. The anticipation will do half the work for you.

Can I ask, though when you imagine being on that first date again, what would make you want to kiss him? The chemistry, his confidence, how he treats you… or just that magnetic pull you can’t explain?

[Ethan Morales]

I can tell how much this shook you. not just because of what she did, but because of what you believed you had with her. You were genuine, transparent, and fully invested and what hurts most is realizing the person you loved wasn’t living by the same code you were.

First, you’re not crazy or “off” for feeling disgusted or betrayed. Even though she was technically single after the breakup, the emotional context changes everything. You were still living together, still exchanging “I love you”s, still sharing space and connection. Her actions show a lack of emotional awareness or at least a disregard for how her choices would impact you. That disconnect between words and actions is what’s really painful here.

Second, the “I need to love myself first” line I’m not dismissing it entirely, because some people do need to step back and heal alone. But her behavior right after? Jumping into multiple encounters, seeking validation through sex that’s not self-love. That’s self-numbing. She’s trying to fill a void instead of facing it. And until she deals with that, she’ll probably repeat this pattern again and again.

Third, your instinct to want honesty was right. You gave her the chance to be real with you, and she couldn’t do it. The way she responded when you were vulnerable by lying and later justifying it shows immaturity and avoidance. It’s not that she’s “evil” or “beyond repair,” but emotionally, she’s nowhere near ready for the kind of love you were giving.

You also mentioned she told you sex with you “wasn’t hot.” That comment wasn’t about you being inadequate it’s about her being unable to connect intimacy with emotional safety. For some people, “hot” sex means chaos, risk, or emotional distance. When they have someone who’s gentle, loyal, and loving it feels unfamiliar. So they chase intensity over depth. It’s sad, but common in people who haven’t done the inner work.

I think April Masini’s right about one thing you’ve been given clarity, even though it’s brutal clarity. You can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to face their own patterns. But you can protect your heart by walking away before more of it gets broken.

If I were you, I’d focus now on processing what this taught you not about her, but about you: what kind of loyalty and emotional truth you bring to a relationship, and how rare that actually is. Don’t let this make you cynical. It’s proof you’re capable of real love you just gave it to someone who couldn’t handle it.

[Ethan Morales]

I’ve seen versions of this play out before, people trying to build something good while quietly ignoring a huge, uncomfortable truth.

Here’s the thing: April’s right again. If you’re thinking long-term, parenting compatibility is non-negotiable. It’s not about whether you like kids, clearly, you do. It’s about whether your values and her parenting approach align. Right now, they don’t. You’re someone who values boundaries, calm, structure, and respect. She’s either overwhelmed, inexperienced, or simply chooses a “soft” approach that doesn’t work. And that difference isn’t going away.

The part that stands out most is how self-aware you are. You didn’t explode, didn’t shame her or the kid you stepped back and said, “I need space. This stresses me out.” That’s not cruelty; that’s honesty. The fact that she was hurt doesn’t mean you were wrong. It just means the truth touched something she probably already knows that she’s struggling to manage her son and doesn’t have a plan for it.

You have to remember something: love doesn’t override compatibility. If you continue dating her, and the dynamic with her child doesn’t change, you’ll start resenting both of them. That resentment will corrode everything the attraction, the patience, the respect. And once that goes, the relationship is just stress with nostalgia.

So, give it space. See her on neutral ground if you must, but don’t force yourself back into an environment that spikes your stress every time. Pay attention to what your gut’s saying: “I can’t handle this long-term.” That’s not weakness that’s clarity.

If this were just casual, you could compartmentalise it. But for anything serious, her parenting and your peace have to coexist. If they can’t, that’s your answer. And it’s not about judging her as a mom, it’s about recognising that her family system doesn’t fit with who you are or how you live. One last thing don’t underestimate how honest that “grandparent approach” instinct is. You don’t want to raise more kids; you want partnership and balance. That’s fair. Don’t bury that truth just to seem patient or noble. she might be a good woman, but not every good person fits into your life peacefully.

[Ethan Morales]

You’re sitting in a fantasy that looks a lot better on paper than it does in practice. Here’s the honest take.

What she’s saying with words like “I miss you” and “it would kill me” is emotional affection from afar, but not commitment. Those phrases are comforting, not binding. At the same time she’s giving you permission to date other people which is the clearest statement she made about what she actually wants you to do. Mixed signals? Sure. But actions and explicit permission beat romantic-sounding hypotheticals every time.

Don’t lean on the idea that this is The Real Thing because you chat for hours. You’ve never met. You don’t know how she behaves in her real life, under real pressure, with real choices. Long-distance feelings can be real, but they’re also easy to idealise. She may genuinely care about you and still not be willing or able to pursue a relationship right now.

Here’s what I’d do if I were you: accept her permission as the honest option and stop putting your life on pause. Date other people, casually and with respect. That doesn’t mean ghosting her or being cruel it means you live your life instead of waiting for an uncertain future. If you want to keep her in the picture, say that explicitly: “I care about you, but I’m not going to put my life on hold. I’ll keep in touch, but I’m dating others.” Clear, adult, and fair.

If you really want to test whether this is worth waiting for, get specifics from her: a timeline, a concrete plan to visit, or a real meeting within X months. If she can’t or won’t give that, it’s not a relationship, it’s a comfort zone. Don’t confuse comfort with a real partnership.

One last practical line you can send if you want to be direct but respectful: “I like you and I enjoy our conversations. I’m also not willing to put my life on hold indefinitely. If you want us to have a real chance, tell me when you’ll be back, and we’ll plan to meet. If not, I’ll keep in touch, but I’m going to date other people.”

[Ethan Morales]

It’s clear you cared deeply for this guy, and that makes the hurt worse. When someone you’ve liked for so long finally shows interest, it’s easy to hope they’ve changed especially when their words sound sincere. But the truth is, he showed you who he was early on. He had a history of lying and cheating, and despite promising otherwise, he repeated that pattern. That’s not confusion, that’s inconsistency. It hurts, but recognising that truth is the first step in getting your power back.

April Masini was right when she said a liar is a liar and a cheat is a cheat. People can talk about how they’ve changed, but it’s their behaviour that tells the story. This guy’s pattern didn’t shift; it just paused long enough to make you trust him. You didn’t make a mistake by believing you just gave your heart to someone who didn’t deserve it. The key is to take the lesson, not the guilt, with you. His actions define him, not your worth.

Right now, your biggest challenge isn’t forgetting him, it’s breaking the emotional reflex that keeps you waiting for his texts or glancing his way in the hallway. That reflex fades when you stop feeding it. Don’t check his social media, don’t reread old messages, and don’t chase closure from him. The more you focus on your own peace, the faster the pull weakens. Every time you choose not to reach out, you’re teaching your brain that you don’t need him to feel okay.

When you see him at school, keep your composure. Say a polite hello if you can handle it, or just nod and move on. Indifference is the strongest statement you can make. It tells him that his games no longer have power over you. He may notice, maybe even try to get your attention again, don’t fall for it. The same charm that won you over before is the same tool he uses on others. You’ve already lived that story once. You don’t owe him a sequel.

It’s okay to miss him, that’s just your heart adjusting to the loss of a habit, not proof that he was right for you. What will help now is refocusing that emotional energy on yourself: friends, hobbies, things that remind you who you were before him. You’ve seen what happens when you ignore the red flags; next time, you’ll spot them sooner. That’s how heartbreak quietly turns into wisdom.

Most importantly, don’t let this turn you cold. Not everyone lies or cheats, even though it might feel that way right now. Keep your standards high and your heart cautious, but not closed. The right person won’t need to convince you that they’ve changed, they’ll just show you, through consistency and respect, who they really are.

You’ll walk past him one day and realise you don’t feel anything. That’s when you’ll know you’ve healed not because he’s forgotten, but because you’ve finally remembered yourself.

[Ethan Morales]

You were genuinely invested in this relationship, and it’s obvious you cared deeply not just for him, but for his daughter, too. That’s a sign of your capacity to love and commit. But his behavior shows that he wasn’t ready or able to match that level of emotional investment.

Mixed signals are red flags. Asking if you were “going to stick around” and introducing you to his daughter while simultaneously feeling his love wasn’t as strong is confusing and unfair to you.

His reasoning tells the truth. He said he felt his feelings weren’t as strong as yours, that his life is easier alone, and he thinks he’s supposed to be alone. That’s not just about “boredom” or timing it’s about his own limitations in the relationship.

You can’t fix his readiness. You gave everything you could, but love isn’t enough when someone isn’t prepared to meet you halfway emotionally.

It’s completely normal to grieve both him and the connection with his daughter. But clinging to the idea that he’s “the one” is keeping you stuck in the past. The person you need is someone who celebrates your successes, supports your growth, and matches your emotional investment.

Your gut feeling that he’s “the one” is really your heart mourning a loss but your mind knows this wasn’t a healthy long-term match. With time, you’ll find someone whose actions match their words, someone who wants to be there for you fully, not someone who is half in and half out.

[Ethan Morales]

Your ex is keeping you in a gray area not fully committed, not fully gone and it’s messing with your head and your heart. She’s dangling familiarity, affection, and sex while refusing the commitment you clearly want. That’s a classic “yo-yo” situation, and it rarely ends well for the person being strung along.

The red flags are loud and clear: She won’t agree to rules that even resemble a committed relationship. She’s making plans for fun and intimacy but leaving the “what next” undefined. She’s keeping you as a fallback while she figures out her own path.

if you want a real relationship, this isn’t it. The fact that you’re starting to resent her is your gut telling you she’s using you as a convenience, even if she claims love or soulmate vibes. Decide your boundary either full commitment or nothing. Communicate it clearly “I care about you, but I can’t do an in-between situation. Either we’re together or I need to move on.”

Be prepared to walk away no excuses, no weekend trips unless it’s a final closure moment for yourself. It sucks, but letting her string you along will waste your time and emotional energy. You deserve someone who is as committed as you are, not someone who wants the benefits without the responsibility.

[Ethan Morales]

I see why this is upsetting drunk calls from an ex, especially when you’re in a committed relationship, feel like a betrayal. Your instincts are valid. But context matters here. From what you’ve described, your boyfriend’s ex left him hanging for years, and this was his first serious relationship. That kind of unresolved past can leave a lingering emotional itch not necessarily romantic, but unfinished business.

He hasn’t pursued her seriously the calls were drunk, brief, and he blocked her before and after. That shows he isn’t trying to get back with her. He’s with you he moved with you for a new job, lives with you, and hasn’t let her presence interfere with your relationship beyond these calls. The root issue is closure he hasn’t fully processed the old breakup, and the drunk calls are an unhealthy, subconscious way of trying to resolve it.

Here’s the tough love truth: You can’t control the past, but you can help him deal with it maturely. April’s advice makes sense letting him address the lingering issues sober, during the day, in a controlled way, is much better than letting it fester in secret or through drunk calls. If he comes back from that with clarity and no lingering feelings, it strengthens your relationship rather than weakens it.

It’s not about trust or love being broken it’s about him dealing with the past properly. You have to set boundaries for your comfort, but also allow him to handle unfinished business so it doesn’t quietly undermine your relationship in the long run.

[Member]

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