[Sally]

You have been living in two worlds for years, and both of them pull at you in ways that feel impossible to choose between. But here is the quiet truth you already know: staying with Leonard is not about love. It is about fear. Fear of losing time with your child. Fear of repeating what happened in your own childhood. Fear of breaking the family picture you wish you had growing up.

But Leonard has not been faithful, has not been honest, and has not been a partner you can lean on. You have stayed because of your child, not because the relationship gives you anything real. And your child will feel that someday, kids always do.

And Dre… he is not a fantasy. You have had years of seeing who he is. He treats you with care, respect, and consistency. The way you talk about him is not confusion, it is clarity you are scared to act on.

But you cannot keep living like this. Not for yourself, not for Dre, and not for your child. Staying with Leonard out of guilt and fear will eat at you, and eventually it will spill into the home your child grows up in.

If your heart is with Dre, and it clearly is, then the honest path is to end things with Leonard cleanly, co parent in a way that actually works, and stop trying to build a life out of obligation.

You will not lose your child. You will lose the illusion that staying in a broken relationship is the only way to be a good parent.
What your child needs most is a mother who is not living divided in half. And you deserve a life where your love is not a secret you sneak around to feel.

[Sally]

When you have had enough bad reactions, your body learns to duck before anything even happens. That does not mean you are broken, it just means you have been embarrassed enough times that your brain thinks it is protecting you.

But flirting is not some magic trick other men have. It is just small, human signals. And you do not have to jump straight into asking someone out. You can start with the tiniest things that do not risk much at all.

Say “hey, how is it going?”
Hold eye contact for a second longer than feels comfortable.
Smile when you greet someone.
Make one light comment about something real, not a line, not a move. Something simple like “rough morning?” or “that looks like a good book.”
That is it. That is flirting. It is not cleverness, it is warmth.

Start small. Start where you are. You do not need the mother of all green lights. You just need a moment where you let yourself be seen, even a little. And the confidence comes after, not before.

[Sally]

Being eighteen and in love with your best girl friend feels huge, like if you say the wrong thing, everything could break. But here is the quiet truth: staying silent is already breaking you. You are living in this half life where you are close to her, but not really with her, and that hurts in its own way.

And about the looks thing, trust me, girls do not fall for numbers. They fall for how someone makes them feel. And it sounds like you make her feel safe, playful, and seen.
You do not need a big rom com confession. Just a simple, honest moment the next time you are alone. Something like “I am starting to like you in a different way, and I had to tell you.” Calm. Real. No pressure.

If she does not feel the same, you will survive it. And if she does, you will wish you had said it sooner.

[Sally]

The kind where someone pulls you all the way into their world, the kid, the plans, the “are you staying?” talks, and then suddenly decides they cannot hold it anymore. It feels like the ground disappeared under you, and now you are grieving two people, not just one.

But here is the truth that hurts the most: he did not leave because you were not enough. He left because he could not handle the responsibility of actually being loved. Men like him crave closeness, but the moment it becomes real, the moment they feel accountable, they panic. That “I think I am supposed to be alone” line is someone choosing the easier road, not the right one.

And you loving his daughter is why this is breaking you open. You did not just lose a boyfriend, you lost a future you believed in.
But if he wanted to come back, he would have by now. And if he truly saw you as “the one,” he would not be silent while you are falling apart.
You did not fail. You just loved someone who was not ready to stay. Be gentle with yourself while you learn to let this go. It will take time, but you will breathe again.

[Sally]

When someone says they are not ready but still wants your body, your time, your emotional support, that is not love, that is comfort. She does not want to lose you, but she does not want to choose you either. And that will break your heart slowly.

The “friends with benefits” offer, the “true love story never ends” text, the trip she wants you to take her on, that is all her trying to keep you close without giving you anything solid. And the moment you asked for the tiniest bit of clarity, just honesty if either of you saw someone else, she backed away. That tells you exactly what she is planning: freedom for her, commitment from you.

You are not a placeholder. And you are not wrong for wanting something real.

If you stay like this, you will end up hurt and angry. If you walk away, it will hurt, but you will get your self respect back.
Deep down, I think you already know what you have to do. Let go before she drags you through more confusion.

[Sally]

You are not crazy for feeling shaken. It is not the history with her that hurts, it is the fact that he reached for her twice, and both times he was drunk and you were not around. That kind of thing hits a deep insecurity in anyone.

But here is the part you cannot ignore: if he actually wanted her back, he would not only contact her when he is hammered. He would not block her. He would not build a whole life with you and move cities with you. This is not romance, it is unfinished hurt. She left him without a word, and some wounds do not close neatly just because someone moves on.
It does not mean he wants her. It means he has not fully processed being abandoned.

You can be honest with him about how much this scares you, but do not keep punishing yourself with “what ifs.” Watch who he is when he is sober, when he is steady, when he chooses you with a clear head. That is the real him.

Just make sure he knows this cannot be a pattern. One old ghost is enough.

[Sally]

From the outside, it is pretty clear what is happening: he is pulling back because the push pull with you has worn him out. The flakiness, the accusations, the floods of calls… he cared for you, but it kept putting him on emotional high alert. And when a guy hits that point, he does not always announce he is done, he just quietly steps away.

The fact that your last message still says “delivered” tells you everything. He saw it. He just did not open it, because he does not want to get pulled into another cycle.
And I know you want to text him again. I know how strong that urge is. But if you reach out now, you will only push him further.

Give him space. Real space. Not a day, not two, actual time.

If he wants to come back, he will. And if he does not, at least you did not spend the next month chasing a closed door.
Breathe. Let the silence do its job.

[Sally]

Five years is a long time to love someone. It makes sense that your mind keeps circling back, trying to make it make sense.
But here is the truth you probably feel in your gut: if he wanted to come back, he would have by now. People do not stay silent for three months when they are fighting for something. And a man who is ready to build a life does not disappear right after talking about rings.

You did not imagine the love. It was real. It just was not strong enough for him to grow the way you were ready to grow.
And yes, it hurts when your best friend becomes someone you cannot even text. But that is usually the sign that it is over, not paused.

Letting go will not feel good at first. It will feel like losing a part of yourself. But slowly, you start to breathe again, and you realize the person you will be next might need something different, something steadier.
Do not chase the ghost of what he used to be. Let yourself move forward, even if it is slow.

[Sally]

-ok-w-my-girlfriend-to-going-out-with-other-guys
You are giving her a home, trips, intimacy, stability, and she is out meeting random guys from apps, taking selfies in some man’s bed, and calling it “just hanging out.” That is not how someone acts when they are fully in a relationship. That is how someone acts when they want freedom without taking responsibility for how it affects you.

And honestly, the part where she got angry about you checking her phone was because she knew what you would find. People who are behaving in a clean, respectful way do not panic like that.

You are not being punked. You are being strung along.
You cannot force someone to act like they are yours. She either wants to build something real with you or she wants to keep you comfortable while she explores everything else.

You need to ask yourself what kind of relationship you want, not what kind she is willing to give. Sometimes loving someone is not the problem, it is accepting their behavior that hurts you.

[Sally]

You are chasing something that was never built to last. He did not pull back because you messed up, he pulled back because the reality hit him: you are married, and this was never supposed to go further than a thrill.

In the moment, it felt intense. Those kisses, the way he held you, the forehead kiss, that will mess with anyone’s head. But once the guilt kicked in, he snapped back to himself. That is why he went cold so fast. Not because he stopped liking you, but because he does not want to be that guy.

And you are hoping you can somehow rewind things and make him want you again. But trying to win him back will only push him farther away. He has already decided this crossed a line he cannot sit with.

The only way through this is to stop chasing him. Take your heart back, take a breath, and look at what pushed you into this in the first place. That is where your real answers are.

[Sally]

When a man texts you every morning, checks in about your day, and acts like you are the only woman he is seeing, it is easy to think you are building something real. But the part you are avoiding is the part that usually tells the truth: he never takes you out.

A man who wants a relationship does not keep everything behind closed doors. He will want to be seen with you. He will make plans. He will move the connection into the real world, not just his living room.

He is putting in effort because he likes having you close, the comfort, the attention, the intimacy, but that does not automatically mean he is offering you a future.
You do not need to guess. Ask him, calmly and simply, what he wants. And then watch what he does next, not what he says.
That usually tells you everything.

[Sally]

You finally feel healthy again, finally ready to show up for him the way you used to, and now he is the one spinning. But look at what he is actually doing, not what he is saying.
He is sleeping with her
He is kissing you
He is calling you nonstop
He is torn, but he is not stopping any of it.

That is not confusion. That is a man who wants comfort from both sides while he decides which life feels better. And you are letting him, because you still love him and you do not want to lose what you almost got back.

But here is the hard truth: if he really wanted to come back, he would end things with her before touching you. He would choose you cleanly, clearly, without making you feel like the “other woman.”

Right now, he is keeping you close so he does not have to feel the loss of you, not because he is choosing you.

You do not need to wait around for him to sort his head out. Step back. Let him make his choice without having both of you holding him up.

If he loves you the way he says, he will come back on his own, single, steady, and clear. And if he does not… at least you did not break yourself trying to compete with someone who should not even be part of the picture.

[Sally]

When someone comes in hot, sleeps with you, talks like they are into it, then suddenly turns cold, it messes with your head. But from the outside, this does not look confusing. It looks like she was not ready for anything real.

She came to you right after her breakup. You were comfort, distraction, safety. And once you left the country, the rush wore off and the reality of long distance hit her. That is why she would pull close, then disappear. That is someone trying to feel something, then panicking when it gets too real.

Her message today is her telling you she is done, even if it came out of nowhere for you.

Do not chase a “positive response.” Do not try to fix it. Just let her go quietly. If someone wants to be in your life, they do not vanish and come back on a loop.
Take this one as a lesson, not a loss.

[Sally]

You two clearly care about each other, and that’s why this hurts so much. But from everything you described, he’s not confused, he’s tired. He likes you, probably more than he’s willing to admit right now, but the fighting and the back and forth shook him. When someone says they need time to heal this early on, that’s not nothing.

And the cuddling, the hand kissing, the gentleness… that’s him missing you, not him choosing you. There’s a big difference. The “oops” moment wasn’t rejection, he was just trying to respect the boundary he set.

If you want a real chance with him, stop forcing the moment. Stop the little accusations. Let things get calm again. Show him you can be steady instead of emotional all the time. That’s what he’s watching for.

Does he still like you? Yeah, he does. But liking you won’t matter unless he also feels safe with you. Let that part grow first.

[Sally]

I get why you’re freaking out. I’ve had nights like that too, where you wake up the next morning and just want to crawl out of your own skin. It’s rough because you can’t control what people said you did, and you can’t fix the part where it made things weird.

But honestly… one messy night doesn’t define you. It doesn’t lock the door forever. It just means he’s keeping some space right now, and that’s fair. People get spooked when things feel chaotic.

Give it time. Let things chill. You don’t have to force anything or over explain. If there’s ever a future there, friends or more, it’ll come from calm, not panic.
For now, just breathe. This doesn’t have to be the end of anything.

[Member]

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