[Sally]

When you find that kind of stuff on someone’s phone, it hits you in the gut before you can even think straight. And honestly, none of this feels clean. You’re not imagining it

If she’s getting explicit messages, going to his home, deleting things, and keeping you in the dark, that’s not “just friendship.” Even if she didn’t cross the physical line, she crossed an emotional one. And her turning it around on you, calling you controlling, that’s her avoiding the part she played.

But looking through her phone wasn’t great either. You did that because you already felt something shifting, and you were right. When trust starts breaking, both people stop acting like their best selves.

What should you think? Think the truth. Something is off. And unless she’s willing to have an honest, calm conversation about boundaries and respect, this is going to keep hurting.

[Sally]

When a girl looks at you and then turns away, when she ignores you, when she asks you to let go after you touch her hand… she’s telling you she isn’t comfortable. That’s not interest. That’s her trying to keep space.

And friendship can’t happen if one person feels unsafe or pushed.

If you want any chance of knowing her someday, you have to stop trying to get her attention. Don’t touch her. Don’t wait outside her home. Don’t stare at her hoping she’ll look back. Just be polite. A simple hello if she’s nearby, then keep walking.

If she ever wants to talk, she’ll show it by coming toward you. If she doesn’t, you’ve got to respect that.

Friendship only works when both people want it, not just one.

[Sally]

She waited for you for years, you didn’t choose her, and by the time you finally realized you loved her, she was already done. That hurts, but it also explains why she’s cold now. She’s not being rude for fun. She’s protecting herself.

And the more you chase, the more she pulls away. She’s not giving short replies because she secretly wants you back. She’s giving short replies because she’s trying to move on.

If you want any chance of things feeling good between you again, you’ve got to stop messaging her first every time. Give her space. Let her be the one to reach out. If she never does, that’s your answer.

You can’t make her come back by trying harder. You already told her how you feel. The rest is her choice now.

[Sally]

Dating again after a messy breakup, with a little one in the mix, feels like walking on shaky ground. But honestly, you’re doing better than you think.

With this new guy, keep it slow just like you’re already doing. Four dates in is still early. Let it breathe. See how he shows up over time. You don’t need a “commitment” talk until it starts feeling natural, not forced. Usually that happens when you both realize you’re choosing each other without trying.

As for your ex, keep it boring and business-like. Stick to talking about your son and nothing else. The less emotion he gets from you, the quicker he’ll stop trying to pull you back into old patterns.

You’re allowed to build a new life. Just take it one quiet step at a time.

[Sally]

I get why you’re nervous. When someone lives right across the street, it feels like the stakes are higher because if it gets awkward, you still see each other all the time. That’s why shouting across the yard or stopping her car isn’t the move. It comes on too strong and puts her on the spot.

Keep it simple and natural. Next time you’re both outside, walk over slowly, smile, and say something like, “Hey, we always wave but never talk. I’m ___.” That’s it. Light, friendly, normal. If she seems open, ask how long she’s lived there or mention something simple about the neighborhood.

You don’t need a big plan. Just give her a chance to meet you without pressure. If she’s interested, you’ll feel it. If not, you can still wave without things feeling weird.

[Sally]

It’s hard watching everyone else pair off while you’re standing there wondering why nothing ever clicks for you. That kind of loneliness can make you feel invisible, even when you know you’re a good guy with a lot to give.

But hanging around a college you don’t attend just hoping something happens isn’t putting you in the right spaces. Most of those girls are focused on school, their friends, their lives. They’re not looking for someone outside that circle, and that’s why it feels like you’re hitting a wall.

You’re not doing anything wrong, you’re just fishing in the wrong pond.

Try meeting people in places where you actually belong. A job you care about, a class you sign up for, a hobby group, a sport, anything that puts you around people who share your interests. When you’re showing up as yourself instead of waiting on a campus hoping someone looks your way, things start flowing easier.

You don’t need lightning. You just need to be where real connection can actually happen.

[Sally]

He shows up for you in all these sweet, thoughtful ways, and then drops a line like “we’re friends,” which feels like a bucket of cold water. That kind of mixed signal can make anyone’s head spin.

From what you wrote, he clearly enjoys your company. He likes spending time with you, he takes care of things, he’s warm. But he’s not moving toward anything romantic. No real physical closeness, no flirting that leads anywhere, and that “friends” comment wasn’t accidental. That was him setting a line in a gentle way.

And honestly, that’s probably who he is right now. A good man who likes you, but not as a partner.

You don’t have to cut him off, just shift how much of your heart you’re putting into this. Be friendly at the gym. Keep your energy open for someone who actually wants the same thing you want.

[Sally]

I get why you’re confused. She treats you like a boyfriend in every way, but she won’t say the word, and that leaves you feeling like you’re standing on shaky ground.

A woman who’s been cheated on right before a wedding is going to move slower with labels. She likes you, that part is clear, but she’s scared of repeating her past. The Match profile staying up is the part that stings, because it makes you wonder if she’s keeping a backup plan. And honestly, she might be. Not because you’re not enough, but because she doesn’t fully trust her own heart yet.

You don’t need to guess. Just talk to her calmly and ask if she sees this moving toward something real. Not pressure, just honesty. Her response will tell you everything you need to know.

[Sally]

I get the fluttery feeling you’re sitting with. It’s exciting when someone older and smart and into the same things suddenly feels close. And talking for two hours, the hair touch, the easy conversation yeah, it’s hard not to read into that.

But here’s the thing. While you’re still his student, he can’t show interest even if he has it. That’s why everything feels mixed. He might just be being friendly, or he might be being careful.

The drawing idea is sweet, but it’s a little much while the power dynamic is still there. Wait until the semester is truly over, no ties left. Then keep it simple. Something like asking if he wants to grab coffee and talk birds outside of class
.
If he’s interested, he’ll meet you there. If he’s not, you’ll know without feeling embarrassed. Keep it light. That’s enough.

[Sally]

I get why you’re nervous. When a year goes by and you’re in deep, you start wondering if you’re building something real or just hoping you are. He treats you well, he shows up, he talks about marriage but only when you bring it up. That’s the part that’s making your stomach twist.

A man who’s serious usually shows it without being pushed. And the thing with not letting you around his kids yet… that’s something you shouldn’t ignore.

He’s not playing you, but he might be moving slower than you want. The only way to know is to ask him directly, calmly, what his actual timeline is and what he’s planning. You don’t need a proposal tomorrow, you just need clarity.

Let his answer guide you, not the fear of losing him.

[Sally]

I hear the mix of pride, hurt, and confusion in all of this. You stepped into this thinking it would be simple, and then real feelings showed up, because that’s what happens when you let someone close to your body and your life at the same time. You’re not wrong for catching feelings. You’re human.

And the way he treats you isn’t cold. He clearly cares about you in his own way. The cuddling, the talking, the wanting you around even when sex isn’t involved… that’s real. But caring and choosing aren’t the same thing. He likes the connection, the comfort, the closeness, but he’s not offering you a future. He’s keeping things easy for himself while you’re carrying the emotional weight.

Eight months is long enough to see the truth. He’s not a bad guy, but he’s not your person. You want someone who shows up for you outside the bedroom, someone you can lean on, someone who chooses you without hesitation. He’s telling you he can’t do that, not now, maybe not ever.

You already know the answer. The hard part is letting go. But staying in something that keeps hurting you doesn’t make it love. It just keeps you stuck.

[Sally]

What you’re describing isn’t teasing, and it’s not “being sensitive.” It’s someone chipping away at you piece by piece until you start doubting your own reality. That’s why you feel so tangled up. One minute he’s loving, the next he’s tearing you apart and then blaming you for reacting.

People don’t say things like that by accident. When someone insults you out of nowhere, especially during quiet, calm moments, it’s because they want control. They want you off balance. They want you to feel lucky they’re still around, even though they’re the one causing the hurt.

And the way he twists things when you speak up… that’s not a joke and it’s not a misunderstanding. That’s him avoiding responsibility.

You’re not weak. You’re not crazy. You’re just seeing the truth a little more clearly every time he does it. And that part of you that’s asking if this is abuse already knows the answer.

[Sally]

I get why she’s stuck in your head. Sometimes you meet someone and the whole night just clicks in a way you didn’t expect, and it’s hard not to hang on to that feeling. But she’s fresh out of a three year relationship. Her heart is still in recovery mode, even if she really did enjoy being with you.

The good news is she wasn’t brushing you off. She told your friend she lit up talking about you. She told you she wants to hang out. None of that sounds like a girl who isn’t interested. It just sounds like a girl who isn’t ready to jump into something new.

If you reach out when she gets back and keep it simple, something like asking her to grab coffee or take a walk, you’re not putting her in a corner. You’re showing her you’re still around without pressuring her. She’ll feel the difference.

You don’t need to spell out that you don’t want to be friends. Your actions already made it clear you see her differently. Just take it slow. Let her come toward you at her own pace. If she’s meant to, she will.

[Sally]

It sounds like you’ve been trying to make sense of a guy who gives you just enough to keep your heart hooked, but not enough to make anything feel solid. And that kind of in-between can mess with your head fast.

He does like you. That part feels real. The talking, the showing up, the way he wanted to see you even when it wasn’t convenient, that’s not nothing. But liking you isn’t the same as choosing you. He keeps sliding back into the physical side because it’s easy, and then pulling away from the emotional side because a real relationship is more than he wants right now.

The “love you” thing is his way of being close without actually committing. It’s soft, it’s familiar, it keeps you connected, but it doesn’t cost him anything.

So yes, he has feelings. But he’s also benefiting from the situation without offering you a real place in his life. And you deserve more than someone who only steps toward you when it’s comfortable.

[Sally]

When someone finally shows you kindness after years of carrying everything alone, it hits your heart in a way that feels impossible to ignore. But when both people are already tied to whole families, the feelings get louder than the reality.

What you’re calling love might be the first breath of relief you’ve had in a long time. It doesn’t mean it isn’t real, it just means it came from a place where you were already hurting. And running toward him won’t fix the life you’re trying to get away from.

Before you think about a future with anyone, take a hard, quiet look at your own life. If you leave, let it be because you’re done living the way you’re living, not because of a man seven hundred miles away.

Start with that truth. The rest will make more sense after.

[Member]

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