[Sally]

Seven years is a long time to let someone into your life, and it’s easy to mix up friendship, history, and the kind of love you want to see in someone.

But from the outside? It sounds like he wants the comfort of you without the clarity of choosing you. That’s a hard truth, but it’s the one that shows up over and over in what you wrote. Guys who are serious don’t hide the women they care about. They don’t swear they’re single while someone else is sleeping in their bed. They don’t act like you’re special only when it benefits them.

And I know he’s been good to you in a lot of ways. That part is real. But so is the confusion, the mixed signals, the way you’re never fully sure where you stand.

When you’re really loved, you don’t have to guess this much.

[Sally]

It makes you think the love is real because you’re working so hard to hold it together.

But here’s the thing no one wants to admit: if someone can drop you the second it gets hard, they weren’t standing with you in the first place. That doesn’t mean you didn’t matter. It just means she wasn’t built for the kind of love you were offering.

I know you want to fight for her, but she already walked away. And you’re still out here trying to make sense of it. That tells you everything.

Don’t call her. Focus on getting yourself home and safe. The rest can wait.

[Sally]

From everything you wrote, she’s already let go. Not because you’re a bad guy, but because the relationship got too heavy for her. The other girl, the distance, the pressure, the long talks… it all wore her down. And once a girl builds up that wall, crying in front of her or chasing her doesn’t pull her back. It usually just pushes her farther away.

I know it hurts to think her friends had influence, or that she still felt something when you saw her. But if she really wanted another chance, she wouldn’t be blocking you, ignoring you, or posting pictures with other guys. She wouldn’t tell you she wants to move on.

You can’t break through a closed door. Give her space. Give yourself space too. Sometimes the only way to get your heart back is to stop trying to win someone who’s already gone.

[Sally]

Yeah, this would shake anyone up. What she’s asking for isn’t small, and it’s not something you can just agree to because you love her. You have to look at what you can actually live with, not what keeps her happy in the moment.

And honestly, it sounds like she’s trying to fix a long-distance problem with something that will break you inside. If the idea of her sleeping with someone else makes your stomach drop, that’s your answer. Love can bend, but it can’t twist into something that hurts your self-respect.

Tell her the truth. Tell her you love her, but you’re not built for that kind of arrangement. If she needs something you can’t give, then you both have to face what that really means.

Don’t agree just to keep her. You’ll lose yourself in the process.

[Sally]

He was your first for everything, and you kept trying long after he stopped meeting you halfway. Anyone would be heartbroken after giving that much.

But the truth is he checked out way before the breakup. He stopped showing up, stopped listening, stopped caring about how lonely you felt. You weren’t wrong for wanting time, love, and intimacy. You were just with someone who didn’t have it to give anymore.

When you left, he treated it like his exit. The girl he flirted with right after? That’s him trying to fill a void, not some grand love story. And the likes on your photos weren’t him wanting you back just him easing guilt and seeing if you still care.

You weren’t the problem. You just outgrew a relationship that was already dying.

Keep going. You’re already moving on, and that’s the part that matters.

[Sally]

Nothing about the way he acts feels like a normal father–daughter bond. It’s clingy, controlling, and honestly a little unsettling. And the part that hurts most is she doesn’t seem to see how much space he takes up in your life together.

You’re not wrong for feeling like you’re sharing her. You’re not wrong for feeling pushed out of your own family. But she’s the one who has to notice it and want something different. If she keeps dismissing your concerns, that’s the real problem.

Talk to her gently, not accusing, just honest. Tell her you want a life with her and your son, but you can’t build it if she’s still living like her dad comes first. See how she responds. That will tell you if you can stay.

[Sally]

I get why he feels so impossible to shake. He gives you attention, understanding, and connection you don’t feel with your boyfriend, and that kind of emotional closeness can feel like love even when it isn’t. But he’s a married man with four kids, and the version of him you see at work isn’t the whole picture. The flirting is his way of escaping his own life for a moment, not a sign he can give you a future.

If you want to move on, you have to slowly stop letting him be your emotional go-to. Keep things friendly, not intimate. Shut down the flirty talk. Give your heart some space to calm down.

And look at your own relationship honestly. Ask yourself what you’re missing and whether it can be fixed. You can’t force your feelings back onto your boyfriend, but you can choose where you put your energy.

You’re not a bad person. You’re just caught in something that can’t go anywhere good.

[Sally]

It sounds like you really care about her, but man… she’s been through a lot because of you. When someone falls for you, makes plans with you, and then gets hurt that deeply, it doesn’t just switch off. Her heart’s probably still bruised, even if she still likes you.

From a straight-logic angle, she’s acting exactly like someone who wants you but doesn’t trust you yet. You didn’t break up when she expected you to, so now her brain is saying “slow down” even if her feelings haven’t gone away.

If you look at it like a story, this is the part where the girl pulls back because she doesn’t want to get hurt the same way twice. It’s not dramatic — it’s human.

If I’m thinking about it practically, giving her space is better than chasing her. Pressure will only push her farther. Let her see who you are now, not who you were during the mess.

And as a friend talking real with you… yeah, she’s hurt. She might come back, but only if she sees steady actions, not big gestures. Just be calm, be kind, and let her come toward you at her own pace.

[Sally]

It sounds like you really like him, but the way he’s acting isn’t making you feel safe or important. Forgetting what you say, talking about his ex, and mostly showing up for sex would make anyone uncomfortable.

When you look at his actions, they don’t match someone building something real. He doesn’t take you out anymore, doesn’t include you with his friends, and keeps old ex photos by his bed. That’s not nothing.

If this were a story, you’d probably notice the red flags quicker than you are right now. They’re pretty clear.

A guy who’s serious tries to make space for you in his life, not just his bedroom.

Honestly, it feels like he wants the fun without the commitment. You’re not being paranoid. You just need to ask him what he actually wants before you get more attached.

[Sally]

It kinda feels like she wants the feel of being with you, but not the actual responsibility of showing it in ways that matter. I’ve seen people do that when they like the attention but get scared of what it means once it’s real.

And honestly… four months is long enough for her to at least be straight with you. If she can cry over losing you, she can tell you the truth about why she won’t change one line on her profile.

You don’t have to blow it up, but you do need a real conversation. Just ask her what’s actually going on, and listen to how it feels in your gut. Usually that tells you more than the words.

[Sally]

It makes sense that you feel upset, because her actions were confusing and a bit hurtful. She said she didn’t want to celebrate her birthday or make it a big deal, but then she went out, stayed out longer than she said, and posted birthday emojis.

That would make anyone feel pushed aside. It also doesn’t fully add up that she didn’t want you there because of that guy if he’s truly just a friend. Still, nothing you described proves she’s doing something wrong now.

It seems more like she wanted a night with her friends and wasn’t honest about it in a clear way, which created doubt and made the situation feel shady. The message she sent about him actually shows she doesn’t see him as someone she wants to be with.

The best thing you can do is talk to her calmly and tell her you felt left out because she gave mixed signals. How she responds will tell you a lot about where the relationship really stands.

[Sally]

Emotionally, you’re attached to him, but everything you described like the cheating, the lies, the insults, the grabbing, the yelling, none of that is love. It’s just chaos that wears you down.

Logically, he’s shown you the same pattern again and again. He hurts you, apologizes, promises things, then repeats the same behavior. That doesn’t magically change.

And as your friend here, I’ll be honest with you. Walking away isn’t losing him, it’s choosing yourself. Missing him is normal, but going back would pull you right back into the same mess. You’re not lowering your standards by leaving. You’re finally raising them.

[Sally]

You’re not stupid for being upset, and honestly anyone would feel the same after finding out their boyfriend was emailing, texting, and calling an ex behind their back when he had already told you he wasn’t in contact with her. Emotionally, it makes sense you can’t let it go because he hid things and acted shady instead of being straight with you.

Logically, trust gets cracked when someone deletes conversations and keeps you in the dark, and it doesn’t magically fix itself just because time passed. Creatively, it’s like an old chapter of his life keeps jumping into your story even though you never asked for it.

From a practical angle, he should have talked to her directly instead of avoiding it or expecting you to manage it for him. And as your friend here, I’d say your feelings are real and not over the top, you just need him to be honest with you now and actually help you feel secure instead of leaving you to carry all the worry alone.

[Sally]

RJ, I get why you’re so tangled up in this. She makes you feel close, she gives you attention, and it’s easy to start imagining something real with someone like that, but the part you can’t brush off is that she’s still with your friend, and if she truly wanted something with you, she’d deal with that first instead of keeping you in this gray area.

Right now she’s giving you signals, but signals aren’t the same as intentions, and if you confess, you’re not just risking her, you’re risking your friend, your group, and the whole balance you guys have.

Think of it like you stepped into a story that’s already messy, and the only way to understand it is to watch what she actually does, not what she hints at. If she ever wants you, she’ll make a real move, not just talk for hours on the phone. In the meantime, stay steady and don’t blow up your world over a maybe.

[Sally]

When you care about someone that deeply, it’s like your whole body reacts before your brain can slow anything down. But here’s the thing you’re missing in all that emotion. Wanting her this much doesn’t mean she’s yours. And saying “I love you” won’t magically make her feel the same.

If you really want a shot at her heart, you’ve got to breathe first. Slow down. Let her see you, not this panicked version of you that’s scared to lose her. Be steady. Be kind. Be present without pushing.

And if she’s in nursing school, respect the weight she’s carrying. Show her you care by giving her space to focus, not flooding her with the pressure of your feelings.

You don’t win someone over with big speeches. You do it by showing up in a way that feels warm and calm, not overwhelming.

Start there. The rest will be clear once you’re not shaking every time you think of her.

[Member]

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