[Raquil]

I can feel that your situation is difficult because you’re the woman, so you find it hard to initiate a serious conversation about what’s really going on between you two, whether you can define your relationship and become exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend.

Maybe what you should do right now is talk to him and have a serious conversation about your situation and what you really are to each other. If he can’t stand by you or be clear about it, that might already be a sign that he is not yet ready for a relationship and not ready to be committed, especially since he just recently broke up with his ex-girlfriend.

Don’t force it for now, because you might just end up being a rebound. Let your connection grow deeper first and see if his feelings for you become stronger over time. For now, just go with the flow. Be sweet and caring toward him and put in small efforts that he will genuinely appreciate.

[Raquil]

Jealousy is hard to fight because you feel it naturally and it’s not something you can easily control. For me, if your boyfriend truly loves you and you’ve already talked to him about how uncomfortable you are with hearing him say he’s attracted to other women or watching porn then he should try to avoid or stop those things for your peace of mind.

If he is satisfied with you, it shouldn’t be difficult for him to stop doing things that are bothering you. But if he cannot stop them, then it may be better for you to walk away and leave the relationship rather than staying in a situation where you are constantly overthinking, feeling anxious and losing trust in him.

Always protect your peace of mind.

[Raquil]

So in simple terms, you are the second woman because he already has another woman in his life. It’s right that you decided to step back and cool things off because it’s a difficult situation being one of two women in his life. He needs to choose one.

If he truly loves you, he will completely leave the other woman and distance himself from her and he will prove to you that you are the one he chooses. Never agree to being shared with someone else.

Don’t ever settle for less. A woman should be valued, respected and loved completely, without having to share.

[Raquil]

I’m not justifying that kind of behavior from men but if we’re being honest, men really tend to be like that. They probably can’t help but look at other women, especially if they find them attractive. But that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not satisfied with you.
Maybe the reason you feel that way is because of your own insecurity about your age, especially since you’re four years older than him. But think about the things you mentioned about yourself, people often think you look like you’re in your early 40s, you work out regularly, and you stay active, so that means you have a great body and appearance, so there’s no reason for you to be insecure.

Try to fight your insecurities and be more confident in yourself. You have qualities that the other woman he’s looking at doesn’t have. Just stay calm in your relationship, don’t overthink or get too jealous. From what I can see, your boyfriend loves you.
Just enjoy being in a relationship.

[Raquil]

In the first part of your story, you can casually ask her if she has a boyfriend and how old she is, just as part of normal conversation, so you can find out her status directly from her. There is nothing wrong or embarrassing about asking someone’s age or whether they already have a boyfriend.

In the second story you shared about your 7-month ex-girlfriend, yes, you can try to win her back by initiating contact again, checking on her, texting her, calling her or even sending flowers. That’s a good way to show her that you still care and that you’re not giving up easily. Do everything you can that she might appreciate if you truly want her back.

If she still has feelings for you, she might come back. But if she truly no longer has feelings then it’s time to move on, because it’s hard to force yourself into someone’s life when their feelings are no longer there.

[Raquil]

Just do your best for now to make him feel lighter and more at ease. Support him and try to understand what he’s going through. Right now, you’re the one who has a wider perspective, so you should take the lead in figuring out how to help save your relationship.
Think of things that you believe might make him smile and maybe that can help bring back the spark between the two of you.

[Raquil]

It’s normal for people to feel attraction and desire but you can control it if you choose to think clearly, especially if you already have a partner and you love them. If you don’t want to hurt her, then don’t cheat. It’s that simple.

If you can’t resist and you truly have feelings for another woman, then you need to choose who matters more. You can’t have both, wanting your girlfriend while also wanting someone else.

It’s better to hurt your girlfriend once by leaving her than to keep hurting her repeatedly by cheating. If you really love her, you’ll let her go instead of keeping her in a situation where you can’t be faithful.

[Raquil]

You did the right thing by doing your best so she could appreciate your effort. It was also good that you didn’t rush things and gave her time to heal, especially since you felt she was still affected by her past relationship. You didn’t do anything wrong, except when you suddenly stopped texting and calling her because it may have seemed like you ghosted her and gave up on her too quickly.

Yes, you should be the one to initiate since you’re the man. Maybe now you can try asking her out again, have a conversation with her, and who knows, this time she might be ready to enter a relationship again. She may have healed already and perhaps she’s just waiting for you to reach out. Since she’s a woman, she might not feel comfortable making the first move, so she could be waiting for you.

[Raquil]

First of all, what you did is cheating because you have a girlfriend but you’re communicating and developing interest in another woman. If you don’t want your girlfriend anymore, then break up with her instead of deceiving her.

Maybe that’s why she wants to know the PIN of your phone, because she already has a feeling that you’re interested in someone else. Yes, she’s also wrong for trying to access your phone and passwords but she’s probably doing that because she suspects you’re talking to another woman.

If you want to pursue someone else then end things properly with your current girlfriend first.

As for the second woman, you’re starting to develop feelings but she already told you she has a boyfriend. So you already know what your position would be, you’d be the second option and you might even ruin her relationship with her boyfriend.

Don’t take advantage of a woman who is getting close to you. Don’t assume that they like you just because of the things they show, especially if it’s what you want to see.

[Member]

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