new relationship

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  • #1369
    relationshipa1
    Keymaster

    i have been dating a woman for 2 weeks and things have been very intense and passionate. she has already used the “L” word, and i am very pleased with our face to face interactions. i think about her constantly and she has intimated the same. however, she is busy with many extracurricular activities (church, family) and doesnt call me. i dont have an issue with initiating in general, but i would like some sense that she is putting in an effort to stay in touch when we cant see each other. she has invited me to a church function coming up next week, but has yet to call me with details, which she said that she would do. i have sort of drawn a personal line in the sand over this issue, and if she does not call, i will not pursue going. i am very nervous because i feel that this is an early turning point in the relationship, and i really want it to work out. other than this issue, things have been so good that it is like something out of a storybook. neither of us has dated much. in fact, this is the first time that i have pursued a woman rather than being the one who is pursued, so this is really new for me. i realize that it has only been two weeks, and that i am being overly sensitive and jumpy, but i go kind of crazy when i am waiting to see her. how may i handle this more appropriately?

    #10817
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    Since you write that you know you’re being overly sensitive and jumpy, the solution is to stop doing that! It’s that easy. 🙂

    The problem is really yours since she hasn’t done anything wrong in the two weeks you’ve been dating. You’re focusing way too much energy on controlling the relationship. The tricky part of any relationship is that there are two people in them! 😮 And you only get to control of those two: YOU!

    So, while it’s fine to hope that things work out, the reality is that you have to let things take their course. Your girlfriend is within her appropriate bounds not to call you. You’re the guy, you do the calling. Sorry, but I agree with her on that one and your “personal line in the sand” about her calling is not mature, and is going to get you no where fast with women who adhere to my philosophies of dating. So ease up on that line in the sand. 🙂

    When you write that things have been so good between the two of you it’s “like something out of a storybook” I’d advise you to quit reading those storybooks! I mean, they’re fine for kids, but adult relationships take all sorts of twists and turns and you have to be more of a dancer to adjust to your partner’s moves, and vice verse, to make a relationship work, so maybe instead of those storybooks, you can start watching Dancing With The Stars instead! 😆

    I hope this helps. Good luck — and let me know how things go.

    #10651
    Anonymous
    Participant

    thank you so much, i needed for someone to tell me to grow up. sometimes it seems that i am determined to find something wrong even though everything is great. as soon as i read your advice, i called my girlfriend, and she told me that she had in fact left me a message three days ago, i had simply failed to check my voicemail. your response saved me days of self-centered, self-pitying agony and a possibly fatal error in judgement. i dont know how to dance but i guess i should learn

    #10724
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    Glad I was able to help! 🙂

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