[Cchipsy]

AM CONFUSED! So i have been dating this guy for almost a year now, but first let me tell you how it all started. we used to go to the same school years ago am talking primary school, and even then we weren’t even friends or anything but anyway i left that school for another then moved countries, after 5 years of not speaking or seeing each other he follows me on Instagram, i remembered him and accepted his request and followed back, he commented on one of my pics saying am beautiful, i look good, i have grown and stuff, i said thanks and kept it pushing, he kept commenting saying where you now, lets catch up and stuff, to cut the long story short he sent a private message, we talked for about 2 months got to know each other, hit it off and eventually started dating. we were in two different parts of the world but we took the chance, we ended up breaking up after 4 months because the distance was too much, 11 hours time difference. we were both to travel to our home country in a few months so he said maybe we could try then, i thought it was stupid so i cut him off and of course we both started talking to new people but he would still call from time to time saying he still loves me and thinks we could still try. anyway so Christmas holiday came we both went back to our home country, i was seeing someone and wasn’t even thinking about him, 2 weeks of being home he messaged saying are you back am leaving already! and i wont even get to see you?, so i allowed him to come see me, keep in mind we haven’t seen each other in years, so he comes over and omg we hit it off , laughing , endless conversation, we were so happy to be around each other he pushed his flight back a week to spend more time with me, we went on dates and stuff,kissed and everything,he treated me like a princess, was so happy i left the guy i was with to give him another chance. so we started dating, he left and so did i a few weeks later, so we were back to being apart but we didn’t mind this time for some reason, our relationship was going great,super in love, few arguments but nothing serious, 8 months of long distance we both decide i should move to the country his in for school, so i finally decide OK. i moved here almost 2 months ago, everything has been amazing till two weeks ago before i get to why, this guy has treated me the way every girl wants to be treated, loved me like crazy honestly ,put me before him, shows me off and everything, sleep overs, talked about moving in , together always, promise rings. then BANG two weeks ago he just started acting different, no texts, no calls, upset, so i wanted go to his house cause his friends call me and say they also think something is wrong, i was busy with school i couldn’t go, but he still wasn’t talking to me, was ignoring me, put a profile pic of another girl.so am like cool ill come pick up my stuff from your house since we clearly done, i go there and he wasn’t home his friends convince me to stay and talk so he finally gets home and we go outside to talk he looks me in the face saying he still loves me but his done because ever since i moved here he feels insecure, he feels he cant trust me! what does that even mean? i tried but nothing.i gave up and asked for my stuff he said he will bring them the next day, its been almost 3 weeks he hasn’t, but he texts saying today ill bring them then doesn’t show, i say i can pick them up even when your not home , he tells his friends no don’t give them to her ill take them, what does that mean? i told him to look me in the face and tell me his done and never coming back he looked at me and said his done for now and can’t speak for the future , what does that mean? am confused and hurt cause i love him with all my heart, i cant stop thinking about it that am starting to feel i have a problem, i always tear up even in public, my heart races so much just thinking about it, i hear his talking to someone new now and maybe spending time with her too , i really don’t know what to do 🙁 HELP

[AskApril Masini]

How old are you both?

[Cchipsy]

am 20, and his 23.

[jackiecortez]

You are very young right now,so this is not the end of everything. I would suggest you to give him some time and space. If he seriously loves you he will definitely return to you and by that time you can also realise that whether it is possible for you to stay without him.You should focus on your career and definitely as time passes something good will definitely happen. For more information [url=https://www.pbclegal.com]have a look here[/url] .

[Cchipsy]

Thank you very much Jackie! right now i kind of feel i cant live without him, am finding it hard but hopefully things get better. 🙁

[AskApril Masini]

Sometimes people we’ve known for a long time, with whom we get romantically involved, fly under the radar we use to “vet” dates. In other words, you may not have cut someone you didn’t know before, as much slack, or have given them as much credence, simply because you didn’t have the history with them that you do with this guy. However…. just because you know someone for a long time, doesn’t mean that they’re the right person for you. 😉 It’s easy to get history mixed up with compatibility.

I usually recommend a timeline for people who are looking for Mr. Right, and that’s to use the first three months of dating to decide if you want to continue dating that person, and if you both agree to, use the second three months to decide if you want to be monogamous or not. What this allows for is time to get to know each other without putting your heart (wallet, energy, etc.) at risk. When you slow down and do diligence with dating, you’re not going through as much drama as when you move fast, and have a lot of ups and downs. I know it seems like a slow timeline, but it works. 😀

This guy clearly likes you, but he’s not that into that he wants a mature commitment. So, as long as you’ll allow him to, he’ll stay in your life, although maybe not the way you want him in your life. The trick here is for you to focus on what it is you want in your own life and then go for that. If you want a Mr. Right, with a long-term, monogamous commitment, you have to choose someone who’s got the same goal. This guy is not that person.

I hope that that helps, and if you have any more questions, please ask. I’d love to hear how things go for you, so check in with me! 😀

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[Cchipsy]

Hey April, Thank you so much for responding.
I think your right when you say his not ready for a mature commitment , so does that mean i should keep waiting ? maybe that’s one reason he left ? am all about being serious and ever since i came i have made that very clear and maybe that pushed him away? but also you say as long as i allow him to, he will stay in my life, i feel that’s what am doing and the more i do, he pulls back but when i go quiet, give him the cold shoulder he kind of comes back.

I really want to know though why do you think he said he feels insecure since i came? i don’t think i understand what that means till today.
Also why won’t he bring my stuff and allow me to get them? he lives less than 5 minutes away!

[AskApril Masini]

You should definitely not wait for him because he’s given you no invitation to do so. 😕 This is a young guy who’s 23 years old who isn’t into a committed relationship with you. He’s not telling you to wait for him.

As for your question about why he’s told you he feels insecure since you came to town, I think he’s projecting his own feelings about his own behavior onto you. He may be interested in other women, and so he assumes you’re interested in other men, and this makes him feel insecure about his relationship with you. He says he doesn’t trust you, but what he may be trying to say is that he doesn’t trust himself to be monogamous.

And he’s dawdling and not being straightforward about your things because he’s not wanting this to be over — but he doesn’t want it to be “on”, either. By holding onto your stuff, he can convince himself that he’s got you, too.

Does that help?

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[jackiecortez]

Hi Cchipsy ,
Definitely things will get better,lets hope that he realises that you love him and you can’t live without him. I wish soon you both are together . God Bless !!! 🙂

[Cchipsy]

April thanks, everything you have said makes a lot of sense! Guess i will not wait for him or anything like that. I will try my best to move on.

Jackie thank you! yeah hopefully he realizes , and i wish for the same 😳 God Bless..

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. If you have any questions, please post them here! We’d all love to hear how things go, I’m sure.

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