[seriousshark]

Hello. How are you?

So… I’m in the throes of a dastardly crush, if you want to call it that. As all stories start there’s this girl. I’ve been working with her for about a little over a year now. We were always buddies and I always thought she was pretty cute, but I never really liked her or thought about her as more than a friend. We would always talk at work, mostly electronically since we’re on different floors.

A couple months back she broke up with her boyfriend she’s been seeing for a lonnng time. I think 3+ years. For some reason, right after that it was like ,BAM, I started really, really liking her. And it sucks! We talk, a lot, every day at work (always initiated by her.) Get lunch in a group or just us two multiple times a week. and text quite a bit. I think the longest text conversation we had was a couple hours. (I almost always initiate the text, but it’s always responded to right away). We even get drinks after work with another buddy of ours from work. We would always text/talk at work but it seems to be more since the split with her ex.

A couple weeks ago, I got a call from a co-worker asking if I liked this person. Obviously, I said no. She said that the girl in question told her that “I think he likes me.” After I heard this, I was pretty bummed out. Oddly, nothing changed after that. Nothing was ever mentioned of it and our friendship never changed.

The one caveat is I think she may like someone else at work. We all went out for lunch last week and he couldn’t make it, in the group text she responded to him with “I’m Bummed!” And a side caveat is she still talks about her ex-boyfriend quiet a bit.

Ughhhh, if this all sounds childish and stupid it really is. then again, so are most things in life. the question here is what I should do? Should I just keep on keeping on? Do I have a chance? Maybe she wants this other guy at work? ARG. silly me. doesn’t look good. life sucks. I’m secretly hoping she just gets back with her ex.

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]the question here is what I should do? [/quote]

What do you [i]want[/i] to do? It isn’t clear because sometimes it sounds like you want to date her, and then you said that you hope she gets back with her ex — which would make her not single or available. 😯 So, you tell me: What would you like to do?

[quote]Should I just keep on keeping on? .[/quote]

I’m not sure what this means. Keep on keeping WHAT on? 😕

[quote]Do I have a chance? [/quote]

If you mean, do you have a chance to date her, then the answer is yes, but only if you ask her out, and stop telling people you don’t like her when you do. 😕

[quote]Maybe she wants this other guy at work? ARG. silly me. doesn’t look good. life sucks. I’m secretly hoping she just gets back with her ex[/quote]

Decide what YOU want, and then you can be clear on what to do next.

If you do write back, let me know how old you are, too. 😉

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[seriousshark]

Hello April,

Thanks for the reply. 🙂 You’re right, I’m not clear at all. I want to go on a date with her and just see how it would go.Then again, things are good now so maybe I shouldn’t go for it. I always think when you date someone for that long, it takes a lonnng time to get over that person. Maybe i’ll ask her in the summer? As every guy ever said, I’d hate to ask, then get rejected and it be weird and awkward. But, sometimes in life you have to get out there. Usually I’m never nervous like this about a gal. Most of the time this like this happen rather organically for me.

I told the person I didn’t like her because I hate awkwardness and I like the way things are. I just found it odd this girl said that she thought I liked her but literally nothing changed at all, which i was happy about.

The only caveat is I know you should never be friends with someone if you want to date them, but since all our teams work so closely, it’s kind of impossible.

BTW, 27.

[AskApril Masini]

Let me know when you have a specific question for me.

I’d love to help you, but I need you to be clear with yourself, first. 😉

I’m here! 😀

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[seriousshark]

OK.

I think I do want to ask her out. Do you think it’s too soon after her break up to ask?

Since we’re already buddies (lunch, after work drinks and such) am I too deep in the F.Zone and should I not bother?

If she says no, should I try to back off and not even be buddies? 🙂

Uggggh, I always like a sure sign and I have none.

[AskApril Masini]

If you want to ask her out, then you should take yourself out of the friend zone. 🙂 That means don’t be her buddy or her friend. Then, you should ask her out on a date (and no, it’s not too soon to ask her!). If she doesn’t want to date you, then move on, completely. Otherwise, you’re going to be wasting energy on a woman who doesn’t want to date you. It’s a lot better to be single and available than single and in a friend zone that sucks up your energy so you can’t use it elsewhere. 😉

I hope that helps!

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[seriousshark]

Thanks for the help. 🙂 I swear, usually I’m not a bumbling idiot about these sorts of things. Some ladies, I guess. 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

Good luck!

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[forgotpassword]

I still haven’t asked her out. I honestly have just been too busy lately to really do it. But I needed one more piece of guidance before I do, April. Today, I was just talking randomly about shopping at a certain store this coming weekend that is coincidentally near her house. she immediately said “let me know if you end up going!” Is this her way of saying anything without saying it or myway of just being in the friendzone. I mean, because, we never, ever hangout outside of work unless it’s in a group for a cocktail after work. :ugeek:

[AskApril Masini]

It’s too bad that you haven’t asked her out. 😳

[quote]Is this her way of saying anything without saying it or myway of just being in the friendzone.[/quote]

I’m not sure I understand your question, but I think, from what you’ve written, that this means she’s treating you like a friend because you’re acting like a friend.

If you want to be someone’s boyfriend, you have to act like it, and if you want to date a woman, you have to ask her out. 😉 There is no sudden convergence of the planets or the cosmos and suddenly the two of you are dating. You have to ask her out and then take her out if you want a date. 😀

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[forgotpasswordagain]

Hmm.

So, I haven’t asked her out. But something kind of strange did happen. After the company christmas party which coincidentally took place a few blocks from my house, I got home around 10 pm. She called around 11 pretty drunk trying to find my house. She ended up staying over and got up around 3:30 AM, gave a hug and went home. Preceding this, Multiple people are the party told her I had a “crush” on her. When she was at my house, we were both pretty drunk, but didn’t do anything besides sit on my couch and chat before sleeping. I slept in my bed, she slept on the couch. The next day at lunch she briefly brought up what she heard but neither of us really talked about it. Not sure where to go from here, april?

[AskApril Masini]

I don’t think I can help you any more. 🙁 I’ve told you that you need to ask her out on a date, several times, and you keep not doing it — and then asking me what you should do. 😕 It really sounds like the problem is that either you really don’t want to date her, and/or you want to stay confused and stoke the drama because you’re afraid of success or failure. I offer this free advice service for people who need help, and want to take the help. I don’t feel like you do, any more. If things change, please let me know.

For now, the best I can do for you that I haven’t already is to suggest that you buy and read the book I wrote for men who want to win with women, [b]Date Out of Your League[/b]. It’s an e-book, so you can purchase it for only $8.99 online, and start reading this weekend. It can give you a lot of advice that you can decide to take — or not — at your leisure, and it helps fund this free service online, so you’ll be doing something good for yourself and others by buying it. Before you ask any other questions here, I’d like you to buy and read the book (and the advice I’ve given you here). Here’s the link for the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url].

Good luck to you!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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