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April Masini.
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December 18, 2009 at 9:54 pm #1722
Diane
ParticipantSo I have been with my boyfriend for two years now!!! He has shown great love for me, buying me anything my heart desires. Though he is not a millionaire, he always found a way to save money to buy me a 300 dollar coach purse and not just one…He knows everything about me…pays close attention to everything i do. He Literally ADORES me ..at least thats what i think!! Our anniversary was very special…my birthdays have been fantastic…and Valentines and any other holiday together has been unbelievably PERFECT…but though he may seem like the perfect romeo…there is an flaw in this man….and its his agressive anger! When we are both happy everything seems to run smoothly. We say “I LOVE YOU” ,we have civil conversations at dinner, and we cant get enough of each other if you know what I mean, but when we both are not clicking….we argue over the smallest things…We argue over money..AND WE ARENT EVEN MARRIED…we argue about seeing friends, and other childish related things….but what I hate the most is when he gets really angry and decides to curse…walk away from me..like getting out of the car while im driving..or leave me alone in a large mall or parking lot and even embarrass me in front of family for certain actions…which always leads me to finding an excuse to tell my family why this guy is any good for me..I would cry helplessly sometimes…phoning a close friend of mine to tell her what my boyfriend did…and then i would send hateful…HURTFUL…text messages…and decided to breakup with him over 50 times, but for some reason i would always run back in love with him..unable to fall asleep at night without saying i love you…or go a weekend without seeing him…and this routine continued till this year…but since november we have yet to have a fight and i have yet to send a hurtful text message or breakup phone call…I dont know if this is healthy…and if it isnt…should i just take a break from the man i would feel lonely without. Though i have heard about a million times…”the only reason why you would feel lonely is becaause you have gotten used to a routine” and i get it…yea…i soon would find another lover…but I feel my other lover would be different than the way he treats me…I dont know and im a little confused! As for my family issue …Lets just say my family is not in good terms with him…My family believes my boyfriend is not good enough for me..!!
🙁 When I first met my boyfriend he was doing absolutely nothing with his life…he just played videogames all day and drank…but now he goes to college and wants to become an aircraft technician and then an aircraft manager/product safety manager which makes well over 100,000 dollars a year…I on the other hand am a WHIZ in school…I will be going to medical school and become an OB/GYN!!! I mean my parents always had this notion of me marrying a lawyer or doctor..or some rich man…but personally im happy with the man im with…but sometimes I wonder what it would be like for me to bring home a man my parents would agree with.My boyfriend has done everything to try and please my family but for some reason..i feel as if they will never like him..because he is not cute enough..because he doesnt have six pack abs..i honestly dont know what more my boyfriend has to do to gain their acceptance..and i really wish my family could just see that he really is a good man…and loves me for me!…this is basically my first 2 year relationship…and my boyfriend and I have talked about moving in together, getting married and other futuristic ideas…but im not sure if he is the right one if i feel like my family doesnt like him….I mean i expect for his family and my family to get along but i feel that my family would only just criticize his family because they are much different than how my family seems to function….I love my boyfriend i really do…but do you think its better to get to know other men..and then decide if i really am in love with my boyfriend..i have known my man for almost 5 years now…i couldnt really imagine what it would be like to be with another man!!! So who do i choose in this one…FAMILY or MY LOVE!!! PLEASEEEE HELLPPPPP
IDecember 23, 2009 at 10:38 am #12930April Masini
KeymasterSince this is your first long term relationship, you may not have the perspective on yourself, men and even yourself, in relationships with men, to make a smart choice for marriage. It sounds like you and your boyfriend have some nice things in common — you both like each other and have good times together, and he is generous with you. But his anger issues, and the fights the two of you have don’t bode well for a future together. Your family wants the best for you, and they have a right to be concerned since in the two years since you’ve been with your boyfriend, he’s gone from someone who did nothing with his life but play video games and drink
🙁 to starting college. And while you have ideas for what he[i]potentially[/i] could do with his life, the reality is, your ideas are untested.Marriage is a tough gig, and if you’re not mature enough yourself (you can’t break up 50 times with a boyfriend and expect a marriage with the same man to work), and the two of you are not compatible (he has a history of being a slug, while you are positioning yourself to be a medical doctor), you’re not in a good position to marry and make it work.
My advice to you is not to move in with this man or discuss marriage any longer. In fact, I’d like to see you start dating other people. I think you could find someone who is more compatible with you — if you give yourself the opportunity.
I know it’s hard to make changes, and sometimes inertia is your default mode, but I hope you’ll consider yourself worth the effort it takes to find a man for yourself who is really Mr. Right and not just Mr. Right Now.
I hope that helps!
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