GF wants to have a break to have sex with someone else.

This topic has 7 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 11 months ago by bmarez.

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August 30, 2011 at 5:14 pm #3295

oshkosh
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My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We are both in our early 20s and go to college. She recently told me that she had made a promise back in high school that she had forgot about to another guy and the guy was asking for that promise. I guess the promise was that she said she would have sex with him and take his virginity from him if he was still a virgin by 21. My GF always keeps a promise… She said she wants to take a break for a night. She said she just wants to get it over with, but the guy says he wants to hang out as well and not just have sex because that’s just awkward… She says she likes me because i give her “freedom” and i don’t restrict her from doing anything, which is true. I hardly get mad at her, only sometimes. My thing is, and i have told her many times is that i am not going to restrict or tell anyone what to do, they have a brain, and they should be able to decide for themselves whats right and whats wrong. I also want to mention that we had a talk about Breaks a few months ago and agreed that breaks are only for people who want to have sex with someone else and not consider that cheating… What do i do. I feel really betrayed and furious, and at the same time im not going to tell her what to do. She has to make up her mind and be responsible for her actions.

I don’t know if this info comes to any use but she sometimes tells me: that i deserve better, that she doesn’t know what she would do if we broke up, and that she isn’t good with relationships.

August 30, 2011 at 6:16 pm #19881

bmarez
Participant

Honestly dude- I can see it both ways… I offered my now husband to take a two week break so that he could be sure he wanted to be with me- he didn’t take it though because he knew that if he slept with someone else it would still have repercussions on our relationship- permission or not. My best advice would be to follow your gut. If you are not comfortable with this arrangement, say so… how awkard is it to just have sex with someone to take their virginity anyway? is there any attraction there??? Weird.

August 30, 2011 at 7:47 pm #19862

oshkosh
Participant

Its kind of funny because she told me she took one of her gay friends virginity away. She said it was Pity Sex. I really like her but this makes me question if its worth it.

August 31, 2011 at 11:50 am #19828

bmarez
Participant

That is really weird. Sex shouldn’t be about taking people’s virginities or doing them favors… its supposed to be about love and attraction. Making promises to sleep with people and feeling obligated to fulfill them is messed up.

August 31, 2011 at 3:43 pm #19872

kitkat620
Participant

pity sex! gay sex! virginity sex! wtf! seems to me she’s just making excuses to have sex.
makes you wonder what other excuses will come up in the future.
can you live with the fact of her having sex with someone else? (because, after all, she ~~[u]~~always[/u] keeps her promises…) if so, end of discussion. if not, tell her. if she still insists on doing it, dump her and find someone else. i personally couldn’t agree to it with someone i care about. and it would definitely make me question my relationship and what kind of person i am involved with.
things just seem very odd to me, or you are just very naive.

August 31, 2011 at 3:59 pm #19469

oshkosh
Participant

That’s what i am saying.. Well she was sort of talking to that gay friend of hers before she took his virginity, but i still think that’s kind of weird. With that said, she says it may not happen because this guy is known for flaking last minute. She tells me this stuff and then acts like nothing happens. lol. I was talking to her last night and we just told one another about how are day went and that was pretty much it for half an hour. I don’t know if i should have a talk with her about it or if i should just cut my loses and brake up. I really do like her though. I don’t think you can have sex with someone without having some feelings for that person.

August 31, 2011 at 7:26 pm #15532

kitkat620
Participant

i may be wrong, but your attitude from your posts seems kind of nonchalant.like whatever she decides to do you’re ok with. you must be a very laid back person.
if it were me and my partner presented me with the situation you were presented with i would’ve hit the roof. the only reason i wouldn’t get too upset with it is if i really didn’t care enough to get upset. is that the case with you? do you feel this girl is just a stepping stone of all future relationships you might have until you find miss right?
at this point, i am just curious to what you feel. i hope i am not overstepping my bounds with questioning you and i am by no means trying to belittle your relationship or your feelings.

August 31, 2011 at 9:52 pm #19832

April Masini
Keymaster

Your girlfriend’s behavior is predatory. 😕 She’s not just having sex. She’s ~~[i]~~“taking” things[/i] from people. “Taking” someone’s virginity implies that they are a victim. There isn’t a mutual exchange — there’s an inequity. 😳 Sex can be an expression of many things including, love, romance, intimacy, and also conquest, violence and revenge. Sex can feel like it’s nourishing and enriching, liberating and spiritual, but it can also be a way for people to express their darker sides. Your girlfriend has one.

It sounds like you’re getting to know a side of her you weren’t so clear on before. If she is the type of person who takes things from people, you’ve got to wonder how you fit into the dynamic. 😕

~~[b]~~Kitkat620[/b] asked a good question when she asked why you’re so nonchalant about her cheating on you. In fact, you seem to be enabling her predatory behavior by saying “She always keeps her promises,” as if that forgives her cheating on you! 😕

I think you’re relatively new to relationships, but I hope that you will learn to expect more from women in your life. When you commit to them you should expect the same kind of behavior from them that you would exhibit. In other words, you should look for ~~[i]~~compatibility. [/i]

If you have any inkling that she’s not the one because of this part of her personality, my advice is to follow that line of reasoning. I promise you can find a woman who wants to be loyal to you because you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread, and who leaves other people’s virginity out of her relationship with you.

I hope that helps. If you like it, you can follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: ~~[url]~~http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url].
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