[esteemless]

Dear april,
I don’t know why I am doing this, but I need help, advice or an answer. I don’t like describing myself, but I guess I have to. I’ve been in several relationships, 8 I can remember, everyone either cheated, left me for someone else, or moved. Most of my ex’s, I asked out, 1 asked me out. They all stay in contact I got so tired of being single, I’ve been single for 1 year now, I asked some of them. What’s wrong with me… They may be sparing my feelings, but all said, “It’s nothing with you, I just wanted something different.”

I am not handsome… My honest female friends give me a 6/10.
I am higher I.Q., but low on common sense. I love listening, helping and being a shoulder. I’m an open book, I give massages I cook for dates. I am funny, emotional. I love love… And I’ve been called the right amount of clingy… But i believe any clingy is bad.
I am not a guy guy. No sports. Not good at games. I love the night.

My question is… Am i even worth dating? I have good esteem, Im outgoing and social. But should i just give up, marry my job? Or change small peices of myself… Like less lovey dovey and or more shy…?

[AskApril Masini]

Yes! You are worth dating…. but I think you could use some guidance. I’m including the link to a book I wrote for men who want to win with women. It’s going to help you — especially since you mentioned you’re a little low on common sense. This book will guide you over that type of hurtle. Here’s the link: [url]https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/date-out-of-your-league-april-masini/1016394885?ean=9780974676302[/url]. Buy it. Read it. Follow the advice. And you’re going to feel a lot better and KNOW that you are worth dating. 😉

[Sally]

This sounds like someone who’s tired, not someone who’s unlovable.
You are worth dating. Full stop. But I think what keeps happening is you give a lot, fast, and you hope that if you’re good enough, kind enough, patient enough, someone will finally stay. And when they don’t, you turn it inward.

There’s nothing wrong with being emotional, affectionate, or not a sports guy. The right person won’t need you to dull that down. But you might need to stop trying to prove your value so hard. Love isn’t earned by effort alone.

Don’t marry your job. Don’t shrink yourself either. Just slow the giving until someone shows they can give back.
You don’t need to be different. You just need someone who wants what you already are.

[Tara]

You’re not being rejected because you’re a 6/10 or because you don’t like sports. That’s cope. You’re being rejected because you lead with availability, emotional labor, and approval instead of self-direction and standards. You show up like a service provider, not a man someone fears losing.

You listen. You help. You cook. You massage. You’re open. You’re “lovey.” That’s great after someone is already invested. When that’s your opening move, it reads as neediness wrapped in niceness. You’re auditioning to be chosen instead of assuming you are.

And yes, “the right amount of clingy” is still clingy. That’s just someone trying not to hurt your feelings. Clingy is not affectionate; it’s anxious. Women don’t leave because you care. They leave because your caring comes with pressure, expectation, and emotional gravity that makes them feel responsible for your happiness.

You also keep dating emotionally unavailable people and then acting shocked when they want “something different.” They don’t want different; they want distance. You collapse into relationships too fast, too deep, too giving, hoping love will finally stick. It won’t. That energy repels.

Are you worth dating? Yes. Are you currently dateable the way you operate? No.
Don’t “change small pieces.” Change the core dynamic. Stop over-giving. Stop being the shoulder. Stop leading with feelings. Build a life you’re proud of that doesn’t revolve around being chosen. Let people earn access to your softness instead of drowning them in it on day one.

[Member]

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