April,

I’m in a strange predicament. I had been together with my boyfriend for 2 years. We had a fantastic relationship despite a few rough patches here and there. We’ll call him Russell. I started a friendship with another guy shortly after I started dating Russell. We’ll call him Sam. I have a lot of guy friends and Russell has always been okay with that. Sam and I have had a great friendship. Russell liked Sam. The three of us hung out on a couple occasions. So I didn’t think this friendship would be different than the others.
I had been jobless for a while and Sam was able to get me a job at the place he worked. I was very thankful to him and it was nice to be able to spend more time around him. About a month before Russell and I’s two year anniversary, I started having feelings for Sam. I tried as hard as I could to suppress these feelings, but I couldn’t. These feelings began to escalate and I began to flirt with Sam. Sam then confessed that he had begun to have feelings for me. We made out. I felt incredibly guilty and told him that it was going to be the only time, that we couldn’t do this. But a while later, we made out again. And again and again. Then we started sleeping together. I started to think that maybe Sam and I could work out better than Russell and I.
And then I began to believe it. Sam said he had a hard time sleeping with me while I’m still with Russell and that I should decide if I’m really serious about him (Sam). I was serious. And I told him that. I planned on breaking up with Russell when I saw him next.
I didn’t. I just couldn’t go through with it. I didn’t want to hurt Russell. And I wasn’t being honest with myself, I wasn’t sure if I wanted Russell or Sam more. Every time I was with Sam, I forgot about Russell. Every time I was with Russell I wished I was with Sam. I took that as being serious about Sam. Sam and I continued our rendezvous, but Sam kept reminding me that he felt guilty that I hadn’t broken up with Russell yet. I put off the breakup every time I saw Russell. Then I finally did it. Russell took it harder than I ever thought. He cried so hard and I had never seen him cry before. It hurt me to see him hurt so much.
backtracking a little, Russell and I had gotten to a place in our relationship where I felt like it was stagnant, that we weren’t moving forward. Russell had started a bad habit of not listening to me when I talked, being out in space every time I talked. It had become frustrating. Russell is not the kind to show his feelings often, something i never really liked about him but had gotten used to. Sam was the opposite of that. Sam listened to me. Sam showed his feelings. I even felt like Sam appreciated me more than Russell did. I liked Sam’s friends a lot and they like me. I felt more comfortable around Sam’s friends. Russell’s friends, not so much.

Now that I’ve broken up with Russell, I realize that I still love him. That we could still work. And he is willing to get back together. The cons are, though, I know i’d still be unhappy with how he doesn’t listen or doesn’t appreciate me as much as Sam would. But we could still work.
The spark that I feel when I’m with Sam isn’t as bright as it was, but it’s still there. Sam is also 10 years older than I am. I feel older than my age, I think Sam feels younger than his age. Russell and I were closer in age. Sam and I get along so well with eachother despite our age difference. Sam is very sure of what he wants for his future, because of his age. He is financially set, built himself a house, and he plans on staying in that house for the rest of his life. I’d kind of like to move far away from where I live, sometime in the future. Right now, I am able to see how my future would pan out of I were to be with Sam. Its always nice to be certain of things, but I’m still young and I’m not sure if I want to end up where I would end up with Sam.
Russell isn’t sure if he wants to move away from this city or not. Russell isn’t sure what the future holds for him. The mystery is sort of enticing.

I’m stuck on what I should do from here. I wonder if it’s a mistake to give up someone you love for someone you could potentially love.
I’m still in love with Russell, but I don’t know if I should put up with his bad habits. And I wonder if those bad habits only came to my attention because of my feelings for Sam. I think I could fall in love with Sam, but what if I couldn’t? I want Sam to be in my life, whether it’s as a friend or my mate. I don’t think Sam and I could remain friends if Russell and I were to get back together. Even though I’m uncertain whether or not I could fall in love with Sam, I wish more than anything I would’ve kept my feelings a secret from Sam so that I could continue to be with Russell and have Sam as just my friend. However, I feel like I would’ve spilled my feelings eventually, I just wish it hadn’t come so soon. I wonder if I should give myself some time away from both of them to fall out of love with Russell so that I could have more potential for Sam. Or if I should just give up Sam and go back to Russell. Sam and i have to see eachother at work. Since getting this new job I’ve been able to see Sam more than I would see Russell. Russell and I’s schedules often conflict. That is a factor too.

I’m so confused. HELP!