Hi,

I am from a Southeast European country and have been in a long-distance relationship with a guy from a neighboring country ( we are like 8hours bus ride away from each other). We have been through all kinds of hell together, from struggling to see each other as often as possible, to financial issues, his family issues, then to his coming to my country to work (he’s a professional athlete, not highly perspective tho) and live here. So that worked for like 7 months, then he lost that job position and got back home. We’ve been together almost 2 years now and I don’t know if I am getting exhausted from the distance (haven’t decently seen him for 4months now) or I am just beginning to focus on his flaws.
We have had many ideas to start a life together, in a same city, but the problems always seem to lie on his side. I have a Master’s degree and a decent working experience and good chances to find a job, but in this region it’s impossible to live together on one salary. On the other side, he is still finishing up high school (he’s 22 years old) because he used to slack a lot in his teen years. He was having issues even with that and didn’t really put much effort in it until recently. Has no working experience cept in sports, where the chances are not so big. So ok, I accepted that and started helping him, motivating him, giving ideas for some vocational courses, trainings etc. And he is interested for a week or so, then something else gets in the way and it’s always not the right time-he is very emotional, has difficult financial situation at home and a mentally challenged little brother which are the major issues that often get him down. But instead of motivating him to fight even more to get out of those circumstances, he just feels depressed and closes himself in his little shell.He seems to be moving forward, but at an extremely slow pace- for every two weeks of hard work he has to take a three week break to rest. Doesn’t believe that one can succeed with honest effort and struggle, he thinks it’s all a matter of good luck which he doesn’t have, and the reasons that he has been trying to succeed have been to make me and his parents happy (and no ambitions of his own). This attitude has started to frustrate me so much that I am starting to perceive him as unintelligent, close-minded person. He has been repeating for so many times, that he can not find what he is good at, that I started believing that.
So, the last couple of weeks or so we have both had our down-times, and I helped him to get out of his bad period, but now I am seriously questioning myself about the future of our relationship. I don’t know if it’s worth to keep on trying, motivating, helping him, while I stagnate my own success and chances of getting a better life. I have started feeling a bit selfish, needing to satisfy my own urges, and the lifestyle that I believe I deserve. Because of him I have made a lot of financial, professional and personal sacrifices and I don’t regret it, I just wonder if it’s worth to keep on doing it.
I care for him deeply, and I know that he is willing and ready to walk on fire for me, but that seems to be it. I don’t feel intellectual stimulation, I feel like I have started to belittle him.
As mixed up as this whole text probably came out, my main question is-is this the result of us not seeing each other for a long time, should I wait until we actually spend more time physically together? Or I am rightfully concerned? I don’t know if I should keep on helping him, cuz he really is disadvantaged to start from ,or I should let him fight his own battles ? Help!